Beggars

Beggars

A Poem by SOUL LESS
"

I write em like i see em

"

Begging in the scorching heat,

Their hands extended,

Their faces beseeching,

Asking for something to eat.

 

A young boy sleeping on the ground,

Awakens and dons his sodden rags,

Ignoring the rumblings in his stomach,

Towards the road, his feet he drags.

 

His rags are covered in filth,

His eyes swimming with tears,

He walks towards the road,

Ignoring the children’s taunting leers.

 

He approaches a car on his protesting feet,

As if in a trance,

The light turns green, the car drives off,

Without a backward glance.

 

He stands where he is,

Not caring abut his health,

Wondering about,

The secrets of wealth.

 

Calling it a day,

On the pavement he lies,

Hoping that,

He dies, dies, dies.     

© 2011 SOUL LESS


Author's Note

SOUL LESS
Revise the second last stanza someone.

My Review

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Reviews

Despite what you've said, I think the rhyme schme makes it strong enough. Especically with the last stanza...That was powerful. Splendid work. You have much talent

Posted 7 Years Ago


Awe, this was a depressing write. The poor little boy. I feel bad for him. Not wanting to be alive, but then again I understand though. I wouldn't want to be in that situation either. This was a great write though. I enjoyed. Thanks for sharing.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Angie Diane♥♥

8 Years Ago

You're welcome. I wanted to review back :)
SOUL LESS

8 Years Ago

Admirable sentiments....
Angie Diane♥♥

8 Years Ago

I've always been this way with reviewing. C:
Wow, such a powerful piece from a new perspective that people don't think about often. Nicely done. And I love the last stanza. Those four simple lines held such emotion and depth...great work

Posted 8 Years Ago


Brilliant!
Wondering if the off-rhyme was intended in the first stanza.
Begging in the scorching heat,
Their hands extended,
Their faces beseeching,
Asking for something to eat.

If you reversed the first two lines, then the rhyme scheme would match the rest of the poem.

Their hands extended,
Begging in the scorching heat,
Their faces beseeching,
Asking for something to eat.

Your choice of course. You paint a wonderful, (actually horrible in this case), picture with your poetic words. Fantastic job.

Posted 8 Years Ago


There is in my country 105,000 homeless people, of that 21% are between the ages of 12-18 and a further 12% are younger than 12. That I can recall these statistics is seen as something strange to my friends and acquaintances. That is a fact that I consider particularly depressing, that my knowledge of the poverty of our society is somehow exceptional?! What manner of men are we??

My feelings aside, this piece was wonderfully written, it has a lovely cadence and rhythm; that like the beggar marches the reader forward unwillingly, our eyes do not wish to read on, but like the beggar's bloody and "protesting" feet we read on. So bravo!

As to the second last stanza I could not see or think of any corrections I am sorry.

Once again thank you,
A.E.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Actually, it doesn't need to be revised. It's very good! You're talented! Don't ever doubt your work! I don't!!

Posted 9 Years Ago


Oh my...sounds and feels like you can hear the beggers thoughts and gage the feelings of sorrow and helplessness...really moving and gets you to see things from a different side...his side of the car window... :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


enjoyed the picture your've painted here in words.
great flow and diction.

and to me, the second to last stanza is fine, it's the 3rd to last stanza that may be a little too wordy tho. a revise to that instead ?

Posted 9 Years Ago


This really touches on the homeless problem. It's very deep and moving

Posted 9 Years Ago



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Added on January 6, 2011
Last Updated on January 6, 2011

Author

SOUL LESS
SOUL LESS

Nakushita, Kansuki



About
I am a boy. I love English Literature. I love to write. Some people hate me for it, but for me writing is like an escape from the real world. Its like reading a book except that I control what happens.. more..

Writing

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