Fake Fellow

Fake Fellow

A Poem by Farhan Shaikh
"

For the fake people around me

"
Don't be jealous, 
don't be kind
I know you're selfish 
committing a crime
You grabbed me from back
And put a knife 
Tried to slit my throat
Within a strife..

You are the danger, 
in the town
There's something red, 
on your jacket brown
Roses you gave are darkened
River has run dry
That tree has fallen
Under which you'd sit and cry..

You made by Satan
In the darkness you belong
Your eyes has turned red
Grew the oryx type of horn.
you have done so far
What you meant to be
But the fire is 
Never a threat to the sea..

© 2018 Farhan Shaikh


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Reviews

I like the metaphors you use along with your choice of words.
There are a few areas that are a bit confusing, but If they are smoothed out, I think the poem overall is very good.

In the first stanza the major problem I see is with lines 5-8.

"You grabbed me from back/And put a knife"
I like your word choice with "grabbed" and I like that you are changing up the common phrase "you stabbed me in the back", but "back" needs another word in front of it, like a pronoun or an article such as "my back", "the back", "a back". Also "put a knife" feels a bit awkward and unfinished. Put a knife where? or in what? but I think you could reword it to work. For example "You grabbed my back/ and in it put a knife", but that's just an example.

"Tried to slit my throat/Within a strife.."
This wording is a bit awkward because I am not too sure what you mean by "Within a strife". If you mean like a fight or confrontation, "strife" might not be the best word to use. If you mean it more like, while in strife (or during a difficult time) they kicked you when you were down, then this word would definitely work and I may just suggest rewording it.

Once again, I like your metaphors, especially "But the fire is never a threat to the sea". This is my favorite line, and I think it's awesome.

I enjoyed the read!

Posted 1 Year Ago


Farhan Shaikh

1 Year Ago

Thanks for your suggestions, really helpful
H L Rose

1 Year Ago

Of course! I’m glad I could be of help!
Woahh, this is.. deep.. and relatable and yet so well done!!
Great job Farhan and I hope you get through this tough phase.
- Shaan

Posted 1 Year Ago


Woah... The irony of last line is amazing... I liked it a lot. It had suspense in it too...

Posted 1 Year Ago


Last line is doing awesome job ..bitter truth you have drawn !!

Posted 1 Year Ago


Farhan Shaikh

1 Year Ago

Thank you so much 😄
Your poem is full of interesting metaphors . . . in some cases, it takes a little pondering to figure out what you might be intending, tho. I guess the mystery you convey with your opaque words is similar to how it can feel when we don't know the motives a person may have, maybe good, maybe not. The middle stanza is interesting the way you play with the colors red & brown. The last two lines are the best . . . such a wise way to express this idea . . . to be safe from the threat of fake people! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 1 Year Ago


Farhan Shaikh

1 Year Ago

Thank you so much 😄😄
Powerful and strong words shared Farhan. Some evil is well hidden. Don't truth anyone till you know their final goal. Thank you for sharing the amazing and worthwhile poetry.
Coyote

Posted 1 Year Ago


Farhan Shaikh

1 Year Ago

Glad you liked it
Coyote Poetry

1 Year Ago

I did enjoy.
This is the first time I am reading a poem from you which is filled with so much agression and rage. This is so well written for describing such people.


Posted 1 Year Ago


Najam Us Saher

1 Year Ago

Yes I did. I also come across such people and I feel the same.
Najam Us Saher

1 Year Ago

I hope I am not one of them.
Farhan Shaikh

1 Year Ago

No! Haha actually this is about who we meet regularly we had them from long time...and yet they're f.. read more
There are so many fake people! Nicelly written!

Posted 1 Year Ago


Farhan Shaikh

1 Year Ago

Thank you...
sounds like a friendship that has gone bad

Posted 1 Year Ago


Farhan Shaikh

1 Year Ago

In life we go through some s***s.. it's obvious

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442 Views
9 Reviews
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Added on June 13, 2018
Last Updated on June 13, 2018

Author

Farhan Shaikh
Farhan Shaikh

Mumbai, India



About
18, student. Slytherin. Earthling. In case you don't know, I'm a weirdo, I don't fit in, I don't wanna fit in... Follow me on Instagram @farhanshyk02 more..

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