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Doomdawn

Doomdawn

A Poem by Farhan Shaikh
"

Grief, loss, the changing world

"
We always have some debt to pay
At the end of the day
And a blank to fill
But we leave it as nill

The stories we hear
Are not always true
The colour of sky
Is not always blue.

More fishes floating
On the surface of river
the counts of hounds in the city
Are lot more than fewer.

Afraid of flying,
Birds are hidden in the nest.
Flying out the rest taking
Arrows in the chest.

© 2018 Farhan Shaikh


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Featured Review

I'm intrigued. It's not very explicit and leaves a lot of room for interpretation, but that's poetry and isn't it fantastic!

There are a few grammatical things:
In the second stanza line 3, I think there should be an article before “sky”, as in “the sky”.
The third stanza is also missing an article in line 2 before “river” and in line 4, it should be “a lot”.
I'm not too sure, but I think a comma in the last stanza after “Flying out” might make it more clear.

I like the sentiments I derived from the first stanza a lot, but I think the last stanza is my favorite. The only thing I am unsure about is the double usage of “flying” in this last stanza, but what do I know.

I really enjoyed reading it!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Farhan,
Your well written words ring true but Faith,Hope and Love will always rule the day.

Posted 11 Months Ago


Wow,
Beautiful.

Keep it up!

Posted 12 Months Ago


I loved this writing...I liked the way you wrote the first para..It was so deep and thoughtful...And the third para was my favourite..I felt as if each and every line of this poem was written so much thoughts...I loved that melancholic feeling in this poem..I am among those people who don't like dark and gloom poetries but still this was so different from the usual stuff and I indeed liked it..
Keep on writing and Thanks for sharing...
Great work and Keep it up..
Take care..
Riddhi...

Posted 1 Year Ago


This is so true... I love every poem which rhymes.. and this was just perfection. The concept is quite mature too. And the way you represented it is just wow. Keep it up!

Posted 1 Year Ago


The symbolic analogies indicate some deeper undercurrents of human life. A brilliant poem my friend.

Posted 1 Year Ago


First stanza last line, it must be 'nil'
Of all the four stanzas, I could feel that you talk of things that are undone and the things are not how they seem to be.


Posted 1 Year Ago


a dangerous world for sure,and i`m certain it will get worse

Posted 1 Year Ago


I'm intrigued. It's not very explicit and leaves a lot of room for interpretation, but that's poetry and isn't it fantastic!

There are a few grammatical things:
In the second stanza line 3, I think there should be an article before “sky”, as in “the sky”.
The third stanza is also missing an article in line 2 before “river” and in line 4, it should be “a lot”.
I'm not too sure, but I think a comma in the last stanza after “Flying out” might make it more clear.

I like the sentiments I derived from the first stanza a lot, but I think the last stanza is my favorite. The only thing I am unsure about is the double usage of “flying” in this last stanza, but what do I know.

I really enjoyed reading it!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Your second and last stanzas are very nice, no complaints there, but it seems you often leave out small connecting words like "a" and "the." It confuses the reader and makes your writing feel disconnected. I'd work on that. Otherwise, I liked those two stanzas very much.

Posted 1 Year Ago


I love your made-up word for a title. I love that you offer us a story about doom & gloom that doesn't sound anything like any other doom-and-gloom message. This is very fresh & original. You pick interesting comparisons to show instead of tell. Sometimes it can feel like our current world is having this problem all over -- with things not being in harmony at all (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 1 Year Ago



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290 Views
11 Reviews
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Shelved in 1 Library
Added on September 20, 2018
Last Updated on September 21, 2018

Author

Farhan Shaikh
Farhan Shaikh

Mumbai, India



About
18, student. Slytherin. Earthling. In case you don't know, I'm a weirdo, I don't fit in, I don't wanna fit in... Follow me on Instagram @farhanshyk02 more..

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