Unsaid

Saw no beautiful sight
Until I saw you,
Within the beautiful blue
I let my heart sink into.
I never walked before
In this shoes,
Yet I am taking myself
Without you.
Wishing to see you here
Again so soon
Was stuck for a star
But I found the moon.
Glimpse of yours
Makes my heart to misbehave
Being not around you feels like
An ocean without waves.
As the soot in your eyes
In mine forever you lies…

Reviews

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

Sometimes what we thought we see and saw just isnt so- then its time to try let go- not easy when we see the beauty but they dont see to be it themselves- sometimes were a lesson for them to be taught but at a price its bought- great words🌹

[Coyote Poetry]

Wonderful and generous words for love
"Glimpse of yours
Makes my heart to misbehave."
I do like the above lines. When the heart misbehave. Can find wonder and a miracle. Thank you Farhan for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Haniya]

Dang, Farhan! This poem was very well written and it captures the string feelings you, or the narrator, have for the woman of your dreams. Definitely made my heart melt a bit and I hope one day you use this poem to tell your special someone what you truly feel. Beautiful.

[Farhan Shaikh]

Thank you so much 😄

[Taniska 😊€..]

Very nice and pleasing poem I like the way you write this keep writing (((smiles))) 😊😊😊😊😊

[Farhan Shaikh]

Thank you so much 😄

[Taniska 😊😊]

Your most welcome 😄😄😄

[Anjali]

You sure know how to make a person melt... This is so beautiful, feels so angelic, so pure... And so true. Wow! It is really addicting too, as you want to read it again and again. Keep writing!

[Farhan Shaikh]

Thanks so much

[Anjali]

You're welcome!

[richieb]

Farhan,
Now rustle up the courage to send to the special lady and let her swoon for you! Your words betray your feelings and thats what moves the poets pen. I am fond of the line "Makes my heart to misbehave. That is good stuff. Well done young man.
Blessings,
Richie b.

[Farhan Shaikh]

Thank you so much

[emipoemi]

With the exception of a couple of grammatical and poetical errors, this is an amazing poem. It has relatively good flow and some of the juiciest lines you've ever written. THIS is going places. It simply needs some tweaking in order to reach perfection. ¡Maravilloso! Well done!

[Farhan Shaikh]

May i ask the poetical mistakes, so i can improve!!

[emipoemi]

Reading it again, I don't remember why I even said "poetical", but there are def grammatical oddities:

- "I let my heart sink into" is a bit awkward in its place, for since you don't have commas anywhere, it's hard to follow which lines are with which thoughts, and I'm not sure whether you're meaning to say "into" or "in too" (two very different phrases).

- "in this shoe"....."in these shoes" (humans have two feet, so it's odd to read the singular, even more since it's there for the perfect rhyme, WHICH is a poetic faux-pas: you DON'T rhyme for the sake of rhyming).

- "was stucked for a star" ("stucked" is not a word in English. What are you trying to say?)

- "Glimpse of yours/Makes my heart to misbehave" ("Glimpses of yours" - the plural a: makes more sense, and b: betters the flow. And what does "yours" refer to?......"Makes my heart misbehave" - no need for "to").

- "an ocean without wave" ("wave" needs to be plural to make sense)

- the last couplet, despite being a fantastic image, isn't conveyed with grammatical sense. If I decipher correctly what you're trying to say, the words should be: "LIKE the soot in your eyes/In mine you'll forever lie" OR ".....in mine forever you LIE", for "you lies" isn't grammatically correct. "Lies" is third person singular, not second.

Forgive me if I appeared a bit harsh in my edits, but hope they help

[Farhan Shaikh]

They are a lot helpful

[barleygirl]

This feels like a tangle of metaphors . . . blue, shoe, star, moon, ocean, soot . . . you've done a good job of using imaginative ideas to compare this unspoken love to various things in life & your descriptions feel full of passion. When using more than one metaphor, it's good to try to pick from a similar theme, like heavenly bodies, sun, moon and sky, etc. I'm not a fan of scrambling metaphors from different ideas, but you've done a good job of tying everything together into an original-sounding love plea of longing (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Farhan Shaikh]

Thank you so much

[wordman]

beautiful words of love,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[Farhan Shaikh]

Thank you mr. Wordman

[wordman]

you`re welcome

[Najam Us Saher]

'Makes my heart to misbehave'
I am smiling reading this interesting line. It feels so good to read from you after a very long time.
Very pleasing poem, it will definitely steal the heart of the one whom have written this for 😀
The last line,I feel does not suit the above line. It clearly looks that you have used the word 'lies' for rhyming forcefully.
'As the soot in your eyes' this left me in confusion.
Was she not good that you choose the word soot to decribe her eyes or you meant to say that her eyes are black and that is why you used the word soot?