Tell me girl

Tell me girl

A Poem by Farhan Shaikh

Tell me girl,
Tell me where you are.
Swimming Deep inside the ocean?
Or gliding between those stars?

Tell me girl,
How you've been?.
Since we first met,
When we were both nineteen.

Just tell me girl,
I've waited so long.
You've been in my poems
You've been in my songs.

Tell me girl,
Can you see that spark?
We entwining our hands
And dancing in the dark.

Just tell me girl,
I'm the only one you see.
In all your pretty dreams,
In all your fantasies.

© 2019 Farhan Shaikh


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VP
This is amazing! The flow and the rhythm was great. MY favorite was the last stanza.

Posted 2 Months Ago


I like it. it is really deep and has a beautiful rhythm to it. thank you for sharing

Posted 4 Months Ago


Wow, it looks like you'v improved a lot since I've been gone! I'm impressed! The rhythm and everything is good, the grammar's fine. The only small problem I have with the poem is that the content is certainly cliche, but because it was executed adequately, I don't mind too much. Good job :)

Posted 7 Months Ago


Farhan,
Soft flow, innocent and caring. I agree with Accalia that this would be a great love song. I am a product o 60's and 70's music. I could see a number of British Invasion groups sing these words. It is refreshing to read a love poem that is full of Spring and hope. I enjoyed reading your poem.
Love and Peace,
Richie b.

Posted 8 Months Ago


This is a sweet, beautiful poem that would make a great love song honestly. The lines are short but at the same time they keep you wanting to read more. Thank you for sharing this poem, keep up the great work.

Posted 8 Months Ago


bea-u-ti-ful!! Stanza 3 is golden!! Blew me away. If you don't mind my suggesting a couple of tweaks for the sake of musicality and aesthetic:

- "deep" doesn't need to be capitalized.
- "those" doesn't mean anything. Better "the"

-"How have you been" (better musicality). and no "?", for it looks like the thought continues until the end of the stanza, so the question mark should go after "nineteen".

-Again, "that" means nothing, because, like with "those" in Stanza 1, it means you're going to give us a "what", but you eventually don't. Better "the". Also again, move the question mark to the end of the stanza, for it looks like you're continuing the thought until then: "Tell me girl/Can you see the spark/We'RE entwining IN our hands/And dancing in the dark").

Other than that, this is amazing!! Truly a magnificent love poem. Well done!


Posted 9 Months Ago


Yes the question is where are they? Do they feel it do the see it - so many questions to ask and we never know the answer- all i know is what's meant to be will one day hopefully be🌹

Posted 9 Months Ago


This is a well-written poem that spills with longing & self-delusion. I get the feeling this narrator isn't being honest with himself & he's only imagining that this girl might also be thinking of him. But the way you tell the story, we get the idea this is only HIS view, & it has nothing to do with HER view. I like it when a poet builds a message that can be analyzed different ways. This is written in a simplistic style, as if the narrator is a simple guy, just wanting a simple thing, but I love the complex layers of possibilities you leave the reader to wonder about (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 9 Months Ago


Dude, good job! I think you should start writing songs. Honestly, I would listen to them all day long.

Posted 9 Months Ago


This is really sweet and heart touching. Very well written.

Posted 9 Months Ago



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Added on January 6, 2019
Last Updated on January 6, 2019

Author

Farhan Shaikh
Farhan Shaikh

Mumbai, India



About
18, student. Slytherin. Earthling. In case you don't know, I'm a weirdo, I don't fit in, I don't wanna fit in... Follow me on Instagram @farhanshyk02 more..

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