Wings of innocents

Written as I try to figure out what happened and when I lost my smile. This is the beginning of my journey. I hope to not go it alone.

She was the brightest star in the sky, into darkness she glows as a million fireflies in jubilee. With intentions of purest gold, her heartbeat shakes like an earthquake, creating cracks below her as her dreams gracefully lift her above the unpredictable crevices. She was alive.

Yet amongst the tiny cracks the dark plague stirs, waiting for reality to unknowingly pull her down with it's doom. She sheds her angel-like wings and watches them flutter down, as they softly graze the floor of an unknown world. Her once whimsical dreams becoming fuel for the evil and harsh realities lurking in the shadows. Innocents fades as the darkness of the earth begins to feed on her sweet intentions. She grasps onto her beautiful memories, and refusal seems her only way of survival. She trembles as she musters up courage, tightly squeezed eyelids protecting the periwinkle windows to her frightened soul.

She glances through the fog, while her lips softly tremble. She whimpers as her flame flickers, tiny warm hands protecting the light in which she sees...she is forever alone.

Author's Note

I am open to suggestions. Any constructive criticism is welcomed as my mother has her Masters in English and I am used to it! Please don't be afraid.

Reviews

[misha]

I really love this piece. I am usually more of a fan of simplistic pieces since I find the beauty in simplicity but this, I adore all the intricate details. This was absolutely beautiful and you should write more pieces to be read on here. Great write!

[Eliza Mae]

This is a wonderful piece of writing. You held my attention throughout the whole poem, feeding my imagination with clarity. I also commend you for having excellent grammar :) One question, though - why did you choose the color periwinkle in the line "...periwinkle windows to her frightened soul."? Just curious ^-^

[Finding Drea]

It's very interesting that you asked that! It was the one instance I didn't connect the girl as myself. My eyes are hazel, and when I was describing this instance, I wanted to give an essence of innocents and could not, for the life of me, figure a way to use hazel and pull it off. Could you make it work? I am very open if you could. I feel revealed! Lol

[Eliza Mae]

Haha! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel so exposed! I understand where you're coming from, though. You have a steady "vibe" (if you will) throughout the poem that sheds innocence. I think that hazel is a softer color, yet feels more earthy than heavenly. I honestly think either color works well in the poem :) but I'll keep mulling it over!

[Finding Drea]

No need to be sorry! I think it justified my initial feelings about it. I'll be mulling myself and hopefully be successful in changing it. Thank you!

[Eliza Mae]

My pleasure! :)

[Coyote Poetry]

More of a short story than poem. I like the strong description. You gave enough to catch the attention of the story. I like the internal thoughts and how you led to the good ending. The story had a tone of sadness. Thank you for sharing the excellent short story.
Coyote

[Finding Drea]

Thank you Coyote. I was having a hard time depicting whether it was a poem of short story. I appreciate your review : )

[Finding Drea]

Thank you Micayla! I have a few I've been working on lately, but I'm a tad shy about my work. Your comment gave me a little more courage to share. I appreciate your review. Perhaps I will share more tomorrow.