Falling In Love In A Coffee Shop

Song inspired. Enjoy :)

            He sat in the same place every day; By the window in the corner booth, sipping dark liquid from a mug. Most of the time, I came for a cup of coffee. But the other days, I mainly went just for him.

            I walked up to the counter as usual and ordered a regular coffee and took my seat next to the bookshelf that was littered with old volumes of poetry; both amateur and classic. One of the things I loved about this particular coffee shop was that it had blank notebooks in which the costumers could write their own poems in. More than once I came in and sipped my drink as I flipped through the pages, reading the lines. I loved how the people poured their hearts onto the pages. Death, love, loss, jealousy, life, emotion, it was all there for the world, or this small town, to see. I absently wondered if the boy had ever written in one of them.

            I knew that this little crush was possibly unhealthy. Who goes to a coffee shop just to see a boy that they’ve never even spoken to in their life? I would sigh and know I was right, but there was something about him that would draw me in. Something about his dark hair, bottomless eyes, and the way the muscles in his arms moved slightly when he would rise the cup to his lips. It all screamed for me to come closer.

            Some days I would ponder going and asking his name. I wondered if he would consider me deranged if he knew that sometimes I would come just to see him. Some days, I felt like I didn’t care. Just to hear what his voice sounded like would diminish any embarrassment that I would feel. But I couldn’t, I just couldn’t. So, here I would always sit, dwelling in possibility and never making a move to make it a reality. Reality soon snapped me from my daydreams as the barista came to my table with a cup.

            “One white chocolate mocha,” she said with a smile. I was confused.

            “I’m sorry, but I didn’t order anything.” I said. She only smiled a little wider as she sat the mug down in front of me.

            “Courtesy of the young man in the corner.” My eyebrows drew together as I looked over at the nameless boy in the corner. He smiled and stood to stride to my table. My heart beat a thousand times quicker than normal as he spoke in a velvety-soft voice.

            “I can’t help but notice you come in every day. And it may seem strange, but I take notice to what you order and I believe you should try that.” My eyes widened more.

            “My name is Lily.” I said.

            “Nice to meet you Lily, my name is Braden.”

Reviews

[GamingGal]

Pros: Short stories are considered harder to write than novels simply because you have to pack all the relevant information into a couple of pages or so. In this one, you had just the right amount of information, including a spruce of un-needed tidbits that keep it interesting. The storyline is interesting in itself, and you keep it worded in a way that keeps the reader hanging on, wanting to find out what happens in the end. After all, we're all hopeless romantics on the inside.

Cons: I noticed a few things that could used some trimming, hope you don't mind if I mention them :) First off, calling his coffee "dark liquid" sounds funny. Perhaps have the girl know what he drinks? After all, she pays attention to him a lot apparently. In the second paragraph, "costumers" should be "customers." And in the third paragraph, the sentence "I would sigh and know I was right, but there was something about him that would draw me in" is a bit oddly worded. Mainly the first part before "but." In the seventh paragraph, you say he "strides" over to the table. To me, that word is used way to much to describe how someone, usually men, walk. Sometimes saying "walked" fits just as fine.

Overall: It was a cute little story, and I was actually interested in it. You know, the kind of interested where you shush someone so you can keep reading? :)

[Taylor H.]

this was adorable. I think you should expand it. What song was this inspired by? I loved this.

[Legacy]

Jessica

I must concur with GamingGal 100%. Indeed a wonderful piece for a short story and so open to add before or after.

Would be very easy to add a few more short versions before explain a bit of the history and possible extending after to show a few twist and turns. I for one would enjoy reading a bit more.

Wonderful way of exploring the gift - keep it up.

Have a Wonderful Day

Legacy