The Aspergers Bat

The aspergers bat is a term i coined for what happens when i get into a certain mood, and i go higher up on the spectrum. I'm not sure how best to describe it in a short description.

“If I could reach through, catch you, make you understand…” icon of Coil �" Dead Enough for Life

If you have a friend, relative, coworker etc that has Aspergers, you will every once in awhile notice that something clicks. For everybody it’s different. The last time I remember this happening I was talking to a girl about movies, and she said she never read the books because the movies are good enough to understand the full story. Click. And off on a tangent I went, until she said she had to go somewhere and I was left bemused. It was only after twenty minutes or so that I realized what had happened.

That was a light switch. It clicks on, then off. You can tell when it goes on, like a light, and you can tell when it goes off, like the snuffing of a candle flame. I don’t have a light switch.I have a bat. Big, thick, hard thing of ironwood that beats me over the head, sometimes as hard a large city bus. You can’t tell when it hits, until its too late. It’s like a car that is going slow �" my version of Aspergers doesn't turn off, it simmers �" and suddenly someone slams their foot on the gas pedal. Oh s**t mate, we are in for a ride.

I don’t think my mother knows why I call it a bat, at least not fully. Let me explain. If you ever were a klutz- much like myself, which is unrelated- then you have banged your knee, stubbed your toe, walked face first into large immobile objects and overall do stupid s**t that makes people shake their heads in mild bewilderment. The best example, from my life, was when I was young. I was running full tilt in a mall, fast as I could, looking BACKWARDS. Let that little tidbit of info settle in. Full sprint, running headlong wildly, looking back at good old mom and dad smiling senselessly. I face forward and BAM! Face first into a glass door. Now, take the knowledge of what that feels like. It hurts like a f****r, and the pain doesn't go away for days. That’s why I call it a bat. I get a face full of what the f**k, and it lingers. And it never goes away. Don’t get me wrong, it settles down to a dull ache. After awhile I go back to my version of normality, and then WHACK. Hits again. This is, in essence, the Aspergers bat.

If I’m not in mid conversation I can usually tell when it hits. It’s not a physical reaction. Unless you are talking to me you won’t notice it until you DO start talking to me. Well, sort of. At times I will look around vaguely, taking in the scenery. Tree, mailbox, dog t**d, sky. Probably look like I’m day dreaming, I don’t know. I never asked. Alright a*****e. Focus. Case and point. Aspergers bat. Back on topic. I can tell when it hits, not by how I act �" I am genuinely oblivious to this- but on how I SEE. that’s right ladies and gentlemen, how i see. The world around me shifts, my perception changes, and everything looks different. The only way I can explain this is as such. The opposite of déjà vu. The world goes from the familiar, to something you can’t quite remember, and it becomes instantly fascinating. The trees, the sky, the squirt scratching its a*s on the tree, everything. The world shifts, the colors get vibrant again, and the bat has struck.

It took awhile to realize what the sensation was. I was twenty before I jiggled the handle and figured it out. Not the brightest bulb in the sky, right? But you have to realize, this has always been my reality, my version of the ever shifting colidiscope of the shifting fabric of reality and causality that is my life. It’s all I have ever known. The way you see see the color green, that color of green only YOU know, that’s my mind. Only I know it, and I do not know any different. But, finally, I figured it out. Aspergers bat. Pitch, swing, nun uh a*****e. Not going to hit the ball, full facial.

Everything changes. Nothing stays the same, and I get lost in a world that is both similar, and at the same time has nothing to do with that other world. And as time goes on, the other world gets farther away. And I’m fine with that.

Reviews

[Kristy Young]

Very good description of Aspergers. I also focus on my surroundings a lot instead of the people I'm talking to.