Loco-Motive

Loco-Motive

A Poem by Robert Trakofler
"

Just did a re-edit and added an audio track

"

Loco-Motive

 

Rumbles Roaming back yard moments

Subtle stirring postcard movements

World no longer… faces, the tracks

 

Passing progress pushing passage

Sway swing specters snap shot savage

stealing ponders… gaze to, their backs

 

Bounding boxcar bouncing baggage

Making motion moving masses

Whirling whispers… grazing, click clacks

 

Loco-motive lulling loudness

Captive captures cooing countless

Will she… remember me, fondly?

 

 

Sweeping signal strike shrieks sounding

Dancing dashes deafen dreaming

Chilly…December, this longing!

 

Track tap tickle tremor trysting

Travel tumbles torpor twisting

Silky… her splendor, my dawning

 

Faithless footsteps fitful flashing

Piercing placid provokes passing

weary… this uniform, haunting

 

Sensing sequence shifting scratching

Latch leering long linger lasting

Eerie… I passed this lawn… taunting

 

Covered casket clutching comfort

Sudden sickly senses shifting

Teary… I won’t ever… see her

 


© 2020 Robert Trakofler


Author's Note

Robert Trakofler
recently updated and added spoken word Video

My Review

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Featured Review

such alliteration...and what i read in this is someone who goes off to war, leaves his girl behind, hoping she will be true and remember him...but while the mice are away the cat will play...and she immediately finds her solace in flirting around.
i like how you used the alliteration....help drive home taunting of him...and the beat of the train going down the tracks away from her.
j.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Robert Trakofler

1 Year Ago

Wow thanks Jacob! I keep trying to make the alliteration rhyme and rhythm scheme be a sort of infere.. read more



Reviews


You just railroaded ya way through my mid mane meandering.. and what more could a lover of words ask for eh'.... the soundtrack was brilliant too sir... hats off to ya and true :)

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Robert Trakofler

4 Months Ago

hi Nev, LOL i didn't realize you didn't see this one:/ glad you did tho:) I have so many half finish.. read more
You have a beautiful voice Bunny, so soft. There is so much movement in this poem. I was in that carriage with the soldier, leaving his home and his love and wondering whether he would ever return. Contemplating his own death and how she would remember him. A haunting and poignant write with wonderful alliteration. Loved it. Keep well and safe Bunny in these troubled times. Came back for a second bite of the cherry. I reviewed this ten months ago, but it was well worth coming back to and seeing your lines in a slightly different light.

Chris


Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Robert Trakofler

4 Months Ago

well my sun starved anglo complexion is indeed reddened this morning after that kind review dear Chr.. read more
Christine Anne Shaw

4 Months Ago

It is everywhere Bunny. We too are in a lockdown and have been for nearly two weeks. There's certain.. read more
hi rob, i only understood your poem after i read your explanation to ted kniffen.
so i went back & re-read it a couple of times. i like the alliteration.
free verse poems i don't usually 'get' without an explanation, but i do keep trying.
that's why i don't usually comment on free verse or other poems i don't 'get'
cheerio carola

Posted 4 Months Ago


Robert Trakofler

4 Months Ago

Yes this one is a strange animal sorry:/
I just read the update Rob and I must admit I like it better than the first read. I don't know if it was deliberate, but knowing how you write I would think it was, the italicized lines at the end of each verse form a poem of their own.

Well done.
Take care...be safe.

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Robert Trakofler

4 Months Ago

that was indeed the first two lines of each stanza are the semi conscious witness observations and t.. read more
Robert Trakofler

4 Months Ago

I should also mention that he is not aware that he is dead until he walks into his casket again and .. read more
There is your percussion within the alliteration. There is the sounds mirrored in the words used. And yet also tells a story of loss and returning. I'm thinking that this is now a song sung by someone like Arlo Guthrie. And I love it.

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Robert Trakofler

4 Months Ago

those are some tough shoes to fill:) One of he things I love about trains is how so many towns built.. read more
Robert Trakofler

4 Months Ago

I should also mention reading that one aloud is like an exceptionally elongated tongue twister LOL
I like the way each third line rhymes with the last third line. Your voice adds life to the poem. All reviews - to me - are what we imagine from reading - thus we interpret.

I see someone in a train who's passing bye a deceased girlfriend's house - her backyard closest to the train. Every sound and sight is magnified from a heightened sense of grief.

I like this alot and the train audio that accompanies it.

Posted 4 Months Ago


Robert Trakofler

4 Months Ago

I have a digital audio recorder that I used for doing studio rough cuts for when I’m laying out a .. read more
Excellent use of alliteration. Tragic turn in the ending, snatching hope.

Posted 4 Months Ago


Robert Trakofler

4 Months Ago

Yes he’s stuck on that train forever:( thanks mom
MomzillaNC

4 Months Ago

yvw 😎
This time I read the entire poem before going back again to read only the italicized lines together. I get the idea these are narrator's thoughts (whereas the rest are sensations/observations). As the italicized scene unfolds, I wonder what the word "uniform" could represent (soldier coming home? train staff? suit-and-tie?) My first pass felt chaotic & tumbling with a variety of sensations rolling along the tracks & surrounding me. In the last half of poem, non-italicized word selections are impressive! So dynamic & full of sensory impetus, sounds & movement & sights, etc. You convey the sensations of being on a train by the words you've chosen! I feel honored to have helped provoke this little excursion of yours! It goes to show, we can each write about the same thing & it turns out radically different! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Robert Trakofler

1 Year Ago

That week I had trains rumbling in my head and then you wrote about a train and it then inspired me .. read more
The rhythm and metre sound like a train pounding down the tracks, click clack excellent use of form and diction, as the writer is hurtling further away from whatever was lost, or perhaps not yet found,

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Robert Trakofler

1 Year Ago

I like what you see in this Gram, thanks for the read:)
This to me is a moment of reflective thought coming from someone who lives in an urban area near railroad tracks. He's standing in his 'yard' listening to the constant sound of the moving cars as he thinks about his life. I can really envision him Bad Bunny...

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Robert Trakofler

1 Year Ago

Wow awesomeness alliteration to sound was a fun experiment already working on my next attempt

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479 Views
18 Reviews
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Shelved in 1 Library
Added on May 21, 2019
Last Updated on March 26, 2020
Tags: train, sleeping, witness, motion, haunted, soldier, love, longing, home, war, death, ghost, repeat

Author

Robert Trakofler
Robert Trakofler

pittsburgh, PA



About
I am the Bunny but the bunny isn't me long live the bunny Hello I’m Robert I own an art gallery and performance space in Pittsburgh called The Zenith It is also an antique store and a veget.. more..

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