Locommotion

Locommotion

A Poem by Robert Trakofler (Bad Bunny)

Locommotion

 

Rumble Roaming back yard moments

Subtle stirrings postcard movements

World no longer… faces, the tracks

Passing progress pushing passage

Sway swing specter snap shot savage

Hurling ponders… gaze to, their backs

Bounding boxcar bouncing baggage

Making motion moving masses

Whirling whispers… grazing, click clacks

Loco-motive lulling loudness

Captive capture cooing countless

Will she… remember me, fondly?

Sweeping signal strike streaks sounding

Dancing dashes deafen dreaming

Chilly…December, this longing!

Track tap tickle tremor trysting

Travel tumbles torpor twisting 

Silky… her splendor, my dawning

Faithless footsteps fitful flashing

Piercing placid provoke passing

weary… this uniform, haunting

Sensing sequence shifting scratching

Latch leering long linger lasting

Eerie… swear passed this lawn… taunting



© 2019 Robert Trakofler (Bad Bunny)


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Author's Note

Robert Trakofler (Bad Bunny)
another experiment

My Review

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Featured Review

such alliteration...and what i read in this is someone who goes off to war, leaves his girl behind, hoping she will be true and remember him...but while the mice are away the cat will play...and she immediately finds her solace in flirting around.
i like how you used the alliteration....help drive home taunting of him...and the beat of the train going down the tracks away from her.
j.

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Robert Trakofler (Bad Bunny)

4 Months Ago

Wow thanks Jacob! I keep trying to make the alliteration rhyme and rhythm scheme be a sort of infere.. read more



Reviews

This time I read the entire poem before going back again to read only the italicized lines together. I get the idea these are narrator's thoughts (whereas the rest are sensations/observations). As the italicized scene unfolds, I wonder what the word "uniform" could represent (soldier coming home? train staff? suit-and-tie?) My first pass felt chaotic & tumbling with a variety of sensations rolling along the tracks & surrounding me. In the last half of poem, non-italicized word selections are impressive! So dynamic & full of sensory impetus, sounds & movement & sights, etc. You convey the sensations of being on a train by the words you've chosen! I feel honored to have helped provoke this little excursion of yours! It goes to show, we can each write about the same thing & it turns out radically different! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Robert Trakofler (Bad Bunny)

4 Months Ago

That week I had trains rumbling in my head and then you wrote about a train and it then inspired me .. read more
The rhythm and metre sound like a train pounding down the tracks, click clack excellent use of form and diction, as the writer is hurtling further away from whatever was lost, or perhaps not yet found,

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Robert Trakofler (Bad Bunny)

4 Months Ago

I like what you see in this Gram, thanks for the read:)
This to me is a moment of reflective thought coming from someone who lives in an urban area near railroad tracks. He's standing in his 'yard' listening to the constant sound of the moving cars as he thinks about his life. I can really envision him Bad Bunny...

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Robert Trakofler (Bad Bunny)

4 Months Ago

Wow awesomeness alliteration to sound was a fun experiment already working on my next attempt
Alright Bunny . . . am I on a train or just waking up in a unfamiliar john?!! Quite a language fest here my bunny friend!! I'm calling in Dr. Daniel Jackson from the old StarGate SG1 series for a translation. I think I'll go along with Jacob on this one. Interesting write! 100% for the effort!
Tom

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Robert Trakofler (Bad Bunny)

4 Months Ago

Thanks :) nothing worse than waking up in unfamiliar places. “This is not my beautiful house! this.. read more
Trains are an such a good writing tool. If you look through history at the use of them from kids stories and shows , to frightening death trains like the one in the Dark Tower series, to murder on the orient express. The thing about them is that you can see them in your minds eye so well, but that's not the weight of it. Its the hulking mass, the hisses and the chugs, the choo's and the screeches. They are alive. Then there is the fact that they take you places, places you long for, or just postage stamp views of landscapes or just life. This encompassed all of those things and more. It was a cacophony of lifes vestiges that can only be supported by the train. Great job!

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Robert Trakofler (Bad Bunny)

4 Months Ago

I have a serious love affair with trains. I have been on every major line but the gold coast capitol.. read more
'..Sway swing specter snap shot savage .. ' perfectly placed yet somehow preparing to leap!

Reading aloud the second time, can hear an ongoing movement along the rails.. the meter barely pausing.. words leading words as if literal rolling stock. The lighter font has its own voice, whether heavenly or ghostly, gentle-kind or sadly haunting.

Seems you've discovered a style, a recipe, for your own food of thought, Bunny.

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Robert Trakofler (Bad Bunny)

4 Months Ago

he he... I listened to train noises for hours while stringing these words together:) you guessed it .. read more
emmajoy

4 Months Ago

Only you - its creator, know what's right, Bunny. A writer needs be sure that what's been said satis.. read more
Robert Trakofler (Bad Bunny)

4 Months Ago

Kk:) thanks
I like the tactile nature of this poem. It took me through movements- as it were- like a short symphony of the heart or psyche. I like the play with different fonts and the way it mirrors a kind of internal/external dialogue pattern. Or, like what we might see moving into what we might think- or what we know moving into what we can only imagine.

I don't normally read other comments or tags before I comment, but I couldn't help myself this time! I arrived at the end of the poem feeling like it was a story of a porter on a train and a woman he was captivated by who didn't seem to hold him in the same regard. It made me think of those uneven relationships in life where one person falls completely and the other stands aloof like an outsider. What made it so enjoyable for me to read was the movement and sound-- the living aspects that invited me into the scene. The speaker's anxiety and alienation were felt clearly in the details, for me.

Of course then I read the other comments and spied the tags and realized my imagination had created its own story here, but I was ok with that. I think poetry is rich in that way. In the way it can be one thing or many things. A fine experiment.

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Robert Trakofler (Bad Bunny)

4 Months Ago

Hey hey Eilis :) I don't like to read other reviews or notes too. I savor your reviews they are alw.. read more
Loved this, Bunny. As the grandson of an old railroad man I appreciate the rhythm you built up with the alliteration. It almost took me back to those days when the long freights rumbled through town and you could feel as well as hear them go by.

Two things with your experiment: the title...it can break down as locomotion or loco motion...either way it fits. I have been in your shoes...most unpleasant.

A very good write.

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Great alliteration....used as almost a weapon in this write. Quite the tale you tell of cheating...when the cat is away the mice will play. Lydi****

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Robert Trakofler (Bad Bunny)

4 Months Ago

Hey Lydia :) thank you I have grown fond of alliteration I never appreciated it very much before the.. read more
Click clack of the train on track. I used to love that sound. Trains seem to run smoother these days. I was very fond of the clickety clack, clickety clack, the train is racing down the track. Just listen to that rhythm. Loved your alliteration in this tale of this faithless woman and her shameful taunting. Yes often the case of while the cat is away. I agree with Jacob on that score Bunny.

Chris.

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Robert Trakofler (Bad Bunny)

4 Months Ago

I must confess that is in fact what happened to me :( we were engaged and i was away for an extended.. read more
Christine Anne Shaw

4 Months Ago

She didn't deserve you Bunny and you being a soldier doing your duty :(. Her loss.

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11 Reviews
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Shelved in 1 Library
Added on May 21, 2019
Last Updated on September 25, 2019
Tags: train, sleeping, witness, motion, haunted, soldier, love, longing, home, war, death, ghost, repeat

Author

Robert Trakofler (Bad Bunny)
Robert Trakofler (Bad Bunny)

pittsburgh, PA



About
Hello My Name is Robert Trakofler My nickname is Bad Bunny... I am the Bunny but the bunny isn't me long live the bunny I own an art gallery and performance space in Pittsburgh called The Zeni.. more..

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