Dreams- Chapter Five- Arivial

Chapter Five

 

The rest of the time we spent at Ashley’s house went by in a blur as we finished getting dressed and had our pictures taken at least fifty times before we finally made it out the door.

“We have to go pick up Edward and Jenna, okay?” Ashley asked as she opened the driver’s side of her car, getting in.

“Fine,” I responded as I got into the passenger seat, brushing my hair back as I sat down. She blasted some music that I barely paid any attention to as we drove off- Ashley chatting excitedly about a guy she was meeting at the dance, making me wonder if I was only going there as a cover for her mother which wouldn’t surprise me.

“You seem down today,” Ashley added coolly- making me look over at her. She was never this observant- I must be really bad. “Anything bothering you? I was asking you something and you didn’t answer.”

Ah, that was it. I had ignored a question- normally I pay enough attention to give her a fake answer.

“I just have a lit on my mind,” I admitted sheepishly as I pushed my hair out of my eyes, looking out the window as we cruised down the empty street. I noticed we seemed to be heading towards Edward’s house, making me sigh. I didn’t want to see him again, though he was the only person I wanted to see.

The problem was I didn’t know if I could say goodbye to him again without a major breakdown. It would take everything in me not to blurt out my feelings and cry. But if I did it wouldn’t matter at all. I would never face him again. We pulled up to Edwards’s house and I slowly got out of the car- stretching as I watched Ashley bounding for the door.

Why did things seem surreal to me today. Like it was a dream and I was awaiting a rude awakening.

I didn’t snap out of it until I heard Edwards laugh snap me out of it. I looked to see him standing by Ashley and Jenna, all three of them laughing as I stood near the car.

“It looks like Ana has decided to join us!” Jenna laughed. She looked lovely- her brown chocolate eyes glistening as she looked my way. She had beautiful blonde hair that was done up in a bun and her light blue dress was gorgeous.

“Ana, you space out way too much,” Edward laughed walking lightly down the stairs to stand beside me. I watched his eyes slowly run over me before a slight smile crossed his face. “You look beautiful- I want you to know.”

“Stop trying to make me feel better,” I rolled my eyes, pushing him back a little.

“That hurt, I was completely sincere Ana,” He laughed as I rolled my eyes at him.

“The models up there-,” I pointed to Ashley and Jenna who were talking. “-look beautiful. I, on the other hand, look completely average.”  I felt a sharp tap on the back of my head.

“You are such a ditz sometimes,” He shook his head as he opened the car door for me. “Get in before I decide to hit you again.” My heart was beating fast I saw him, standing in a tux- looking very handsome as I got in the backseat and he followed as Jenna and Ashley got into the front- ignoring us completely. 

“What?” I asked hotly as I sat back, looking at him with frustrated eyes. He looked at me like I was missing something.

“You really don’t see it, you’re pretty,” He said, running a hand through his perfectly trimmed hair- glancing at me.

“What can I say, I have low self esteem,” I turned away as we pulled out of his driveway- and Ashley sped down the road.

“I noticed,” He said, laughing. “It’s just strange.” It was silent- almost uncomfortable so as we sat there. I looked out the window to make sure I didn’t start crying as we listened to Ashley and Jenna talk about a song on the radio they had heard earlier.

I wanted to arrive as soon as possible. So the night could be over and I could leave.

I already could tell that this night wouldn’t end well with Edward and I. He was acting strange, I was acting strange.

It was a recipe for disaster. And I hoped to god it wouldn’t be an explosive ending. I didn’t want my last seconds with him to be cold.

“Hey… We’re here!” I heard Ashley call as she turned off the car and she and Jenna jumped out of the car. Edward looked at me then slowly got out- looking at me still.

“Are you coming?”

I looked up.

“Of course.” 

Reviews

[hhoosh]

It's kind of funny. I read this chapter and one of the first things that came to mind was betrayal. For a second I felt like I was robbed of my sickly desired pessimism, like Annette saw how much I had come to like her and was repulsed.
And then, I didn't.
Annette is human, like us all, and no matter how much we want to pretend emotions are fixed (Such as relationship "love" or suicidal consensus) they really are always susceptible to change.
Great job.

Also, I just want to single out one segment.
"My idea of beauty� That was a strange question. I thought of physical beauty of course, but there was more then that. There was emotional beauty- the type that wasn't as easily categorized.

People all have moments of emotional beauty in their lives� But I find it rare to meet an all around emotionally beautiful person. Thinking about it, I only know two people who are just emotionally beautiful in all ways. Lizzy and Edward. They seem pure hearted somehow in a way that I never was and never can be. They seem to say everything with the best intentions and it makes my heart feel warm- like everything will be alright."

The way you wrote Annette's thought process, this deep, nihlistic observation on beauty, was prime. It doesn't feel too personal, like you were trying to force your own ego into her, and it feels real, an actual observation in the eyes of another.
Amazing. You are very talented.

[Vereiya Saturn]

You have a very good attention to detail. And need I say that the dialogue is phenomenal?
Just a note here:
"I didn't snap out of it until I heard Edwards laugh snap me out of it."
The last 'snap me out of it' is repetitive, so you might want to remove that. The rest of the sentence was fine. Nothing else in the editing department particularly stuck out to me the rest of the story either.
and Arrival is spelled that way, not 'Arivial'. =)
-clicks next button-

[Diana Owen Busy with Li..]

this is awesome a great write.

[Emily B]

I finally got here, I'm liking this story. I just want to take Ana in hand though, and give her a good talking to. The mother in me, I guess.

[Requiem]

I'm always so hesitant to continue reading this story just because it's so good and I don't want it to end. Alas, it does and I'm sad.

Anywho! You know me and here's my critique!

"She had always thought of herself as more beautiful then me, and I didn't expect any different. I would be a fool to think she would change." I'm not sure... the 'any different' wording seems off to me.... maybe 'anything different'? But I'm not 100% sure it's the 'correct' way.

'"What?" I snapped- looking up at her as she pulled out her hairdryer out of her own messy cabinets that looked like she had messily stuffed everything back into it, and knowing Ashley, that is probably what had happened.' Hmm... My jediness suggests a run-on! *wiggles fingers mysteriously* :P Futz around with the sentence a bit. You can try making it into two sentences or you can use the ever horrendous semi-colon. At least for me.

'I knew Ashley saw beauty in the physical way- everything was 'if you aren't pretty to you aren't good enough'.' The 'if you aren't pretty to you aren't good enough' is confuddling. Do you mean pretty on the outside? Or if you think that you aren't pretty, you're not good enough. (sorry, double negatives... but couldn't think of any other way to phrase it)

'But at the same part she was too cold towards me- and it didn't want to talk to anyone who was going to treat me like a child, because I was no longer a child. I had grown considerably since childhood. And I didn't like to be treated as if I was inferior.' Instead of 'it' did you mean 'I'?

Also the normal thing... it's a pet peeve of mine. There's this folk singer named Utah Phillips. He has this quote from a friend of his, "He is normal. What you meant to say is that he isn't average."

It's coming along great! I can't wait for the next chapter! :D

[NJ Schneider]

hehe I finished it, finally. I was mostly trying to keep my mind off matt. But, I love it ^.^ Bit short though, makes me want to know more!!!!

[Amor-de-angel]

How could i be anything other than nice about it? you know i have loved all the other parts so far.
This one is no exception...well done it's great. Building up so nicely. I'm wondering if she will or will not go through with it now.