My Sweet Leroy

My Sweet Leroy

A Poem by Fran Marie
"

entry for `The Blue Rose Café Edgar Allen Poe. Phrase Challenge`

"

 

"Once upon a midnight dreary

 while I pondered weak and weary"

 my mind wandered, my spirit bent

  deep, deep down to hell's decent


Killing Leroy; a failed attempt

he lies in blood,his life half spent

outside chamber doors, 'tis pouring rain

from whence his cheating heart had came


'Tis a shame; a sad tale to tell

the devil to claim, his soul to sell

my sweet Leroy, had hurt my pride

with knife in hand I waited inside


As he walked through the chamber door

I rushed to kiss his lips once more

then plunged the knife deep to his heart

yes, my sweet Leroy, would soon depart


Now near death, no regrets have I

No sorrow or tears left to cry..

I too shall follow thee into death

as I slit my wrists, and draw love's last breath.

© 2015 Fran Marie


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Featured Review

Im not in the least surprised that this came tops Fran. Its a deliciously dark piece of betrayal, revenge and murder suicide (as is required by all the best - but ultimately unlucky - lovers).
The final stanza is a killer (pardon the pun)
Definitely one of the best of this 'type' I have encountered on the WC
Congratulations Fran Marie
Have a great weekend
:))

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

  Fran Marie

5 Years Ago

Thanks Anto, I so Appriciate your review on my poetry..wishing you a happy weekend also;
ANTO

5 Years Ago

You're very welcome Fran.
:)



Reviews

Check points for making the rhyming scheme like Poe's is! This is a great plot and great ending. There's a sad death, check; a somber message, check; insanity, check; pondering with oneself, check!
I think this is fantastic! Thanks for entering my contest!

Posted 1 Year Ago


Sarah_Allen

1 Year Ago

i love pie! and poe ;)
  Fran Marie

1 Year Ago

Haha ..my smart phone us smarter than me. I say Poe and it writes pie..I guess that could be my new .. read more
Sarah_Allen

1 Year Ago

YES HAHAHAHAAHAH
Folks must be in the Halloween spirit, as this is the second one I've read in a short sitting where the woman is stabbing the guy! Your writing construction is superb & altho I'm not very familiar with Poe's works, this sounds every bit as polished & well-crafted as a celebrated poet would produce. Usually I'm not very good at reading this stilted language, but yours is crystal clear & relatable.

Posted 3 Years Ago


  Fran Marie

3 Years Ago

Thanks so very much for the kind comments.i so appreciate
.☺
very cool piece .. very haunting and dark.. love the last lines .. nice job

Posted 5 Years Ago


This comment has been deleted by the poster.
I think the ghost of Vincent Price or Christopher lee joined in on this too, because those were the voices I heard reading it. How wonderful would that be to have them do the spoken word version of this wonderful write, full of Poe-esque, fear and flow. Wonderfully written Fran Marie. I really enjoyed the rhythm of it.

Posted 5 Years Ago


  Fran Marie

5 Years Ago

yes, that would be something...love Vincent Price.. he was the Master of fright for sure,,
t.. read more
alifeacoustic

5 Years Ago

You're very welcome.
Oooh, this was so good! I love the name Leroy, and the "my sweet Leroy" adds an element that says "you may have betrayed me, but I have all the power."

Posted 5 Years Ago


  Fran Marie

5 Years Ago

thanks so much, Leigh, for reviewing..
reads like a great fairy tale fran,the image is great too !

Posted 5 Years Ago


  Fran Marie

5 Years Ago

thank you Ron, for reading; much appreciated..
I love the contradiction between her referring to him as 'my sweet Leroy' but killing him for betrayal- makes it all very ironic and brings out the contradictory feelings. Very much -'can't live with you, can't live without you'.

The rhymming was generally very good but there was a line that didn't make sense to me:

'the devil to claim, his soul to sell'

I didn't know if it had any particular significance to you or if you chose it because of the rhymme.

Mine would probably be something like:

'Tis such a shame, a really sad tale
The ending of a life so frail'

If you get a chance could you please review for me? my story is called 'The Crash' and I've recently added my second chapter. Thanks

Posted 5 Years Ago


Shades of Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven" here, Fran. I would suspect you're a big fan of his work as well, if this wonderfully written piece is any indication.

Excellent...
~PB

Posted 5 Years Ago


  Fran Marie

5 Years Ago

I would say you have that right..a Poe fan i am..thanks PloughBoy, so much appreciated..
PloughBoy

5 Years Ago

Anytime...:)
I love this! Such a dramatic and heart-wrenching piece! It flows amazingly well and the rhyming scheme is perfectly simple.



Posted 5 Years Ago


  Fran Marie

5 Years Ago

Thanks , Silent Raven, I so appriciate your kind comments on my poetry.
This is awesome. Lovers + murder + suicide = epic.


Posted 5 Years Ago


  Fran Marie

5 Years Ago

Thanks, Celestia, so.very much appriciated..

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Added on March 20, 2015
Last Updated on March 28, 2015

Author

  Fran Marie
Fran Marie

Paris, KY



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