My Sweet Leroy

entry for `The Blue Rose Café Edgar Allen Poe. Phrase Challenge`

 

"Once upon a midnight dreary

 while I pondered weak and weary"

 my mind wandered, my spirit bent

  deep, deep down to hell's decent

Killing Leroy; a failed attempt

he lies in blood,his life half spent

outside chamber doors, 'tis pouring rain

from whence his cheating heart had came

'Tis a shame; a sad tale to tell

the devil to claim, his soul to sell

my sweet Leroy, had hurt my pride

with knife in hand I waited inside

As he walked through the chamber door

I rushed to kiss his lips once more

then plunged the knife deep to his heart

yes, my sweet Leroy, would soon depart

Now near death, no regrets have I

No sorrow or tears left to cry..

I too shall follow thee into death

as I slit my wrists, and draw love's last breath.

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

Hell, so it is said, hath no fury like a woman scorned. The speaker in this one gives credence to that old saying. Whoever Leroy was, he cheated on her and paid the price. The Poe imagery highlights this murder/suicide tale, and we can almost see the angry and unrepentant heroine as she turns the bloody blade on herself. Not one to read late at night if you're by yourself.

[Fran Marie]

Thanks John
I used the name
Leroy as a takeoff
on " my sweet Lenore"
Poe's mentioned lady
It was a contest
where we had
to use the phrase
from Poe's poem
The Raven..so
I thought I would
slip a name in
hence Leroy
was born.

[wordman]

reads like a great fairy tale fran,the image is great too !

[Fran Marie]

thank you Ron, for reading; much appreciated..

[xansizi]

I love the contradiction between her referring to him as 'my sweet Leroy' but killing him for betrayal- makes it all very ironic and brings out the contradictory feelings. Very much -'can't live with you, can't live without you'.

The rhymming was generally very good but there was a line that didn't make sense to me:

'the devil to claim, his soul to sell'

I didn't know if it had any particular significance to you or if you chose it because of the rhymme.

Mine would probably be something like:

'Tis such a shame, a really sad tale
The ending of a life so frail'

If you get a chance could you please review for me? my story is called 'The Crash' and I've recently added my second chapter. Thanks

[PloughBoy]

Shades of Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven" here, Fran. I would suspect you're a big fan of his work as well, if this wonderfully written piece is any indication.

Excellent...
~PB

[Fran Marie]

I would say you have that right..a Poe fan i am..thanks PloughBoy, so much appreciated..

[PloughBoy]

Anytime...:)

[Riley Justine]

I love this! Such a dramatic and heart-wrenching piece! It flows amazingly well and the rhyming scheme is perfectly simple.

[Fran Marie]

Thanks , Silent Raven, I so appriciate your kind comments on my poetry.

[Celestia]

This is awesome. Lovers + murder + suicide = epic.

[Fran Marie]

Thanks, Celestia, so.very much appriciated..

[Archia]

Oh that's creepy, I just need to shiver for a little. You did so well to continue on from those first two lines, I think it's very easy to do something like that and then the poem's structure fades off but you kept it up the whole time and it was great. I enjoyed the story in it as well, as dark as it is, I wanted to see how it would end up.

[Fran Marie]

Thanks Archia, so very much appriciated

[Ilerah]

I really like it, like the last one you wrote, you write in between the lines. Your description is amazing. I really like it.

[Fran Marie]

Thanks ..so very much appriciated..

[Perkele.7885]

Poor sweet Leroy. Was his last name Brown? Van Dyke? Well, this was a very delicious write. I sure liked it. Kind of wasted a good woman at the end though!

[Fran Marie]

Yes, I hate it when I die in my poems...but it's a Poe poem so death is cLled for..lol..Leroy Brown? ...that sounds about right..many thanks for reviewing..

[Fran Marie]

Called for

[ANTO]

Im not in the least surprised that this came tops Fran. Its a deliciously dark piece of betrayal, revenge and murder suicide (as is required by all the best - but ultimately unlucky - lovers).
The final stanza is a killer (pardon the pun)
Definitely one of the best of this 'type' I have encountered on the WC
Congratulations Fran Marie
Have a great weekend
:))

[Fran Marie]

Thanks Anto, I so Appriciate your review on my poetry..wishing you a happy weekend also;

[ANTO]

You're very welcome Fran.
:)

[Helena]

Wonderful poem indeed Fran! Thank you for submitting this to my 'phrase' contest.

Kind regards,

Helena

[Fran Marie]

Thanks Helena, so very much,