Pushing up Daisies

 

True story? Maybe,maybe not, gosh, if I only
knew what I was writing?
There was no escape from him,my constant fear was
destroying what little sanity I had left.
Let me recall if I can,oh yeah now I remember....

It all started one dark and stormy night.I had just ducked into a coffee

shop down on main st. in my hometown called the cheapside cafe.

The rain was falling heavier now and I was drenched.
Cold, tired and wet, all I wanted was a hot cup of coffee,

 the old java jolt of caffeine and a smoky camel cigarette

of unfiltered nicotine.
The last thing I wanted or needed was company or the start of a
beautiful realationship for cryin' out loud and with my luck I got both.

Geeze,I was meaner than a rattlesnake. I told you to take a hike,to get lost, scram, but you just hung around like a bad boogery dust bunny that wouldn't go away
.
Yeah,sure baby, you had all the groovy moves like a night
train on track #9 and had me floating on cloud #9 but I had your number
and I didn't know it that night, but your number would soon be up,
because I had murder on my mind!

Oh sure babe, I fell for ya like a ton of bricks. You were candy coated at
first, but as our love affair continued you stiefled me and tried to control
my thoughts, my every move, like Big Bro.in 1984, watching, smothering me.

Like wow! Could a person even breathe?

That's when I decided to off your dumb butt I thought the old lace

 arsnic scene would do nicely.
Strange, what evil lurks in the mind of a wild woman.

Well, that was last winter and I'm waiting for the spring season.
I can't wait to get my bare feet in God's garden soil and my hands digging
in the earth hmmm now let me see as I recall you did so like the daisy flowers,

just right for the 8x6 garden plot in the backyard. Right?

Yes, I think that will work
I may be normal someday but then again I wouldn't count on it.

Reviews

[Scott Free]

This was interesting.
I did like your voice, and the end was very, very good.
However, this I did not like; "It all started one dark and stormy night.I had just ducked into a coffee
shop down on main st. in my hometown called the cheapside cafe."
Probably one of the worst ways you can start a story, I'd say. There's nothing as bad as the 'dark and stormy night' beginning. I'm sorry, that's just how I feel (and a lot of other people will--seriously--drop something immediately if they read that).
I think you can do so much better than that. Maybe if you actually made it evident that you were making fun or playing on that beginning, that might be better. But just the plain ol' dark and stormy isn't going to work.
Other than that thing, the story was everything I think you wanted it to be--chilling, twisted, quite good. Get rid of that beginning and you're set.

~S

[Mr. Lopez]

Well, this one tasted of twisted toment. The Feeling of the opening paragraphs of a drak book came to mind when i read this. Will you expand on this? I guess we will just have to wait and see. Very interesting and enjoyable.

Mr.Lopez

[Andromeda]

quirky! i like it

[Christian Walters]

I find your narrative voice very appealing, it feels/echoes those 'Private Eye' styles that speaks directly to the audience.
As before, I would have enjoyed a little more description but that's just my personal preference.

[yinseriv]

There was a nice easy flow to this story. I happen to know a 'wild woman' and and I could picture her in your story. Good job. I loved the last line.