^ STATIC ^

A Collaboration Write~By Fran Marie and A.J. Smith

 

                              Static    
   
Static blared from the radio as we fought that night.
He had ragged me out with raw words
as bitter as acid rain
and the room grew darker with each hurtful word.

My God, what happened to us, to me, that night?
I wounded her with poisonous words
From where did they come?
I could see the pain I inflicted reflected in her eyes

I had no idea why we were fighting, yet again.
I've always given him free range in our marriage.
Perhaps for some reason I just didn't understand.
 
Where once we sought understanding with respect
we now diverged along our separate, lonely paths
our souls no longer in tune, lost in white noise

Nevertheless, I clung to the remote chance that
one day we just might get it right
and refresh our relationship, just for the
record and rub out this constant static

I long for our wavelengths to connect once again
returning to our sweet harmony
But I have lost my way,withdrawing farther
in distance from her and the stillness
between us is disconcerting

yet here we sit opposite one another
in silence so deafening, hammering at my heart
If only he would open up to me
share his emotional solitude ~telling me
his thoughts, his fears doesn't he know
I would understand and comfort him
 
 
The volume fades on us
and I am not sure
we can retrieve what has ebbed away
leaving us together
yet so alone

Has our  love died?
I fear it has and all
that remains are tattered torn hearts
with remnant silhouettes
 of two tarnished souls

Author's Note

Fran's Stanzas are 1,3,5,7,9
A.J.'s Stanzas are 2.4.6.8

Reviews

[Robert Luna]

You guys did a wonderful job on this. It is such a vivid picture your words paint. I really enjoy this and wish you tons of luck with the contest. I always love to see two writers come together so flowingly and to create art such as this.


Great Job!!!!!!

[Amor-de-angel]

Great job.. you both caught those feelings of despair that a relationship maybe has gone beyond repair.
Kudos

[Carole]

Very nicely done, Fran & (AJ!) I love the two different perspectives of a fight between lovers. I began reading without looking at your tag line so at first I thought you wrote it yourself with the two sides and alternating back and forth--and then your author's note explained it. The selection of words and phrases in this piece are top of the line: as bitter as acid rain, lost in white noise, silence so deafening, hammering at my heart, and remnant silhouettes of two tarnished souls. A beautiful use of metaphors. Excellent execution, you two!

[Forest Green]

Good work. Nice mix of thoughts interlaced by shared emotions.

Excellent!

Daniel

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Great work to both of you...this is such a common occurence you both described so vividly and descriptively. Well worded and a great read. Thank you.
Light,
Siddartha

[Phil Sanders]

Terrific collaboration .. well done guys .. superb ....

[Ken Simm.]

A too common conversation. This is not an arguement. This is a fight beautifully written.

[Norma J. Jessee]

This is really great, I commend you both. It's not often two people are found who are in sync enough to come together in harmony with a work such as this and make it seem so real. I almost felt as if I were involved in this conflict.

Kudo's to you both.
I love it.

[Dead Angel]

wow, great job you guys!! very heartbreaking and descriptive, i absoluetly loved it. you two make a great team!! :)

[Bear]

Fantastic writing you two!! You captured the desperate questioning one asks of themself when a relationship changes and separation takes place.

Sometimes the distance between, is best for both. When their paths cross again, they are able to smile and pleasantly exchange words with one another, knowing within that it was best that they separated. Apart from one another life continued, and old heart wounds healed; the seperation was the elixir each needed in order to rediscover the inner strengths that had been submerged, out of love, for the other.

Does love die? I believe that as long as one remembers, even if out of communication, the love is still strong and never-ending.
Bear

[Nicole Renee]

I thought that this was really good, and that it was a nice flow! :D Thanks for sending me a read request!

-Nicole