Starry Eyes

A poem, about the power of a gaze and how it ties together with the skies.

When I look into your eyes,

I see the stars.

Powerful, burning bright, the penetrating gaze of the magnificent sun

In awe, I am overcome by your power, potential

...but one day you will burn out

So I’ll hold on a bit longer.

Alas, from fate I cannot run

The clock is ticking, time will shout.

Author's Note

It's quite 'rickety' I suppose. It does lack flow, I'll admit. Not my best work, it was quite random. I just decided to post, and I'm not expecting any good reviews.

Reviews

[MiidniightSoul]

Short poem, but very powerful and amazing. I love it. ^__^

[123456789]

I like it!

Check out mine?

[AlmostAlice]

Good write!

[Rachel U.]

Actually, I agree with the previous reviewers. Your flow wasn't too bad. Two lines kicked me out of it just a little bit: //Alas, from fate, I cannot run The clock is ticking, time will shout// If you get rid of the second comma that is enclosing "from fate," and reword "time will shout," the flow would be much better.
I haven't read any of your other compositions, but be careful with overusing ellipses. ; ) In this situation it worked well, but they can be finicky little buggers.
Anyways, I liked the premise of the poem. Eyes really are a powerful weapon, no? Interesting work.

[N/A]

I do like this (though I'm biased as I'm currently obsessed with ''alas'')
The emotions do really shine through and your use of eclipses in the fifth line,ais very well employed. Good write Xx

[nostal]

It's not rickety.
The rhyme feels genuine, and the emotions break through to the reader.
Good write.