A Beautiful end(colab with CecilA)

A Beautiful end(colab with CecilA)

A Poem by GDmonster
"

Thanks to ceclia for the help!

"

An esquisite light blue rose

Covered with melting frost

It's petals now fresh with dew

Drip drops of sweet poison

For whomever's lips it touches

Now lie in death's cold thrall

© 2012 GDmonster


Author's Note

 GDmonster
Thanks to ceclia for the help!

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Featured Review

GDM,

I like it a lot but I have a few ideas:

'A fragile delicate blue rose' seems like duplicate words. How about 'An esquisite blue rose' 0r 'An esquisite light blue rose' would do the job.

'Covered in a layer of frost' 'The petals fresh with dew' can't have frost and dew at the same time - unless the dew is melting.

Petals = plural; it (it's) = singular. need to rework this.

Suggestion: How about something like this?

An esquisite light blue rose
Covered with melting frost
It's petals now fresh with dew
Drip drops of sweet poison
For whomever's lips it touches
Now lie in death's cold thrall

Sorry for trying to write for you but it's the easiest way for me to show you what I'm thinking without writing an epistle about it.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 6 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.

KeeD

6 Years Ago

I like the suggestions and hope the author can take them into consideration and somehow work with th.. read more


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Reviews

BEAUTIFUL. :) This is amazing. I love the imagery!! Great work! ^_^

Posted 6 Years Ago


I like this, it is really good.!! (:

Posted 6 Years Ago


Great job! Wonderful piece of work displayed right in front of me.

Posted 6 Years Ago


Wonderful, just brilliant!

Posted 6 Years Ago


Awesome! Great write 100%

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

 GDmonster

6 Years Ago

Thanks!
that's a really short and sweet poem, good job!

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

AWESOME! I want said rose to keep in a jar and give to my enemies. You could write an entire fairy tale off of this.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wow it was simple and extremely beautiful at the same time, I Loved it so much, this was great! ^^

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Very beautiful! I would've liked to read it before it got changed, just to see what it was like, but I think it would've been as good as this one. Good job!!! :D

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Love the image, it fits quite well and gives a picture of perfect chill, deadly sweet poison indeed ;)

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

 GDmonster

6 Years Ago

Yea thanks!
Castonovia

6 Years Ago

No problem :p

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691 Views
17 Reviews
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Added on November 16, 2012
Last Updated on November 19, 2012
Tags: rose blue

Author

 GDmonster
GDmonster

NC



About
The Rainbow Basin :245 by *emperpep on deviantART Hi! im GD, i write and do art. im a guy I'm add, so i loose track of time very easily I love anime and manga. I am becoming obsessed with k.. more..

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