Love's Pyre

While I wait for you, my love,
I will shape a lofty pyre
And hold my match - set to strike
For what is passion if not fire?

I yearn for what I fear I'll find
Thoughts of love still terrify
While holding breath, against my will,
I search for you in every eye

Solace is a peaceful craving,
One which I am loath to quit
Love is fluid and frivolous
But here is what I will admit:

If I should feel you near, my love,
I'll turn my head, so not to meet
And leave with heart and soul intact
To let fire lick at wave's retreat

Reviews

[charlie]

"Fools rush in where angels fear to tread"
I am reminded of this quote as I draw the end of your poem. It's nicely written, G. Lovely form, beautiful rhythm.
One thing you might like to think about, and if I can share with you something I read a long time ago (and my recollection of it is rather vague, so I'll do my best to actually share what I can) ...
I read somewhere in some run-of-the-mill poetry compilation book that the old rhyme masters and verse aficionados never used three or more syllable words at the end of a line - particularly in rhyming verse, unless ofcourse they were conveying humour, or some especial flavour of comedy. It's seems almost as though three (or more) syllables at the end of a line was believed to connote some kind of levity that invariably undermines pathos or solemnity in a theme... Perhaps that's what the idea behind the theory was...? Dunno...
I never took it on as a personal mission to research whether or not that actually was the case (because I'm dead hopeless at reading poetry - especially the old guys like Shakespeare and Chaucer and who have you). But I have always kept it in mind, and I revisit the thought sometimes and wonder if it could possibly be true. What do you think?..

Anyways, syllable theory aside, I did feel like line nine was a tad off rhythm. I considered some synonyms that might substitute 'obsession'; such as 'fetish'?, 'bug'?. Or even opting for "friend". That could work, too.

Still and all, a fine write here.

[Gaia Octavia]

Thank you. I did change it. It wasn't my favorite either. Mostly, I'd agree with that, but I do like the challenge of trying to rhyme longer words. But it is definitely good advice to keep in my back pocket and it did help!

[Zugzwang]

This is a fantastic piece, elucidating the ambivalence we all feel at times about love. I especially liked the line 'I search for you in every eye' and 'To let fire lick at wave's retreat' now, that is a killer of a closer.

[Gaia Octavia]

Thank you kindly

[DreadfulBride]

repose? http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/JosephDonais/1654918/

apparently this ignorant noob,
dumped all his points in the first go.
One hundred points devs, really? How rood!

[Misery]

Solace is indeed a craving and love is a constant demand.
Between the two we agonize and scrawl our torment into desperate stanzas.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful and soulful creation, dear poet.