Shopping For The Mother In Law

Shopping For The Mother In Law

A Poem by George David Hope
"

Just a little Christmas ditty..nothing special

"
                                                                SHOPPING FOR THE MOTHER IN LAW
I was out Christmas shopping
When the mother-in law came to mind
Exactly what to get her
Had put me in a bind
Maybe a big rusty bear trap
I could put it by her bed
Or I could sneak it under her pillow
And it might take off her head
I know she likes a tipple
So get her something she could drink
Maybe a bottle of bleach
Or what you use to unblock a sink
I could get her a big fat juicy steak
That could be driven through her heart
It might only be a stocking filler
But at least it was a start
Maybe a day out bungee jumping
She could wear it like a noose
They could tie it with six big knots
To ensure it won't come loose
An all expenses trip to Dignitas
I could book her in for just next week
Oh I just have to get her something
Or her Christmas will be bleak
I could bake her a Christmas cake
Filled with Juniper berries and foxglove
Decorated with a big shiny bow
And send it with all my love
Get her something soft and cuddly
I hear man eating lions are all the rage
She could give it free roam of her house
So no use getting it a cage
Or maybe an oil burner filled with scented oils
That could freshen up her place
I wonder if there's one called Ebola
That might rot off her face
I could get her a parachute jump
One that doesn't use a chute
She'd have such a laugh when she pulled the cord
She'd think it was a hoot
Now Christmas day will soon be here
I'm rapidly running out of time
I suppose as a last resort
I could go check Amazon Prime

© 2019 George David Hope


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Added on December 4, 2019
Last Updated on December 4, 2019