Orange

This is an ode to rhymes,

rhymes that rhyme in the nick of time

and tickle your soul so it can feel a little whole again.

But rhymes must make amends

to the words around them--

ask them to bend and hem

so they frame the chimes of the rhymes.

So the words, you see, they intertwine

and hardly ever whine or pout

about making those special words stand out--

yes, they intertwine to do this

for a reader’s fleeting moment of bliss.

And yet not even a kiss the rhymes give in return

to their fellow words; no rewards they’ve earned

do they ever reap.

So as the readers leaps

from word to rhyming word on the page

just know that beneath the stage

lie the weeps of the words

that must be hushed to make the rhymes heard.

Author's Note

Please give me an honest critique. Thank you!

Reviews

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Garrett,
A warm welcome to the Café.

I am Richard, a long-tenured poetry teacher and member of Writers' Café.
I'm glad you asked for "honest critique", because this is the only way you'll benefit from serving on a site with excellent poets from across the globe. I say this, because so few poets accept honest critique well, will take offense, and/or thank you and never correct anything, or they'll ask for critique they really do not want when it's given … here's hoping you're sincere.
First, I'd like to say that I see a fine potential in your skills, and with a modicum of understanding and practice, I believe you have what it takes to become a very proficient poet, indeed … it's up to You.
Here're some helpful hints that will assist you in receiving more reviews, encouragement, and critique for your work:
1) Add artwork (both, in the thumbnails and in large size above your poems).
2) Few on here will read books; so, in your book title include: Colors (a book of poems)
3) Keep your rhymes singular or plural, and mind your syntax, ie;
"This is an ode to rhyme,
rhyme that rhymes in the nick of time;"
4) Keep lines to the same syllable count, or within a couple of syllables to maintain a smooth, unencumbered flow.
5) Always use functional, proper punctuation … punctuation is like musical notes on a score, it tells the reader your intent and meanings, where to pause, excitement, ease, fast, or slow, just as notes on a musical score direct the musician in how a song sounds, its rhythm and beat, and melody, etc; punctuation in poetry is a must for an enlightened, educated reader to fully experience and enjoy your earnest efforts.
6) Leave a space between verses, so your reader easily knows where one thought ends and another begins, and to avoid a smothered, jammed-together, run-on effect.
7) Lucky "7" … read and review others, giving excellent comments, and they'll come in droves to see who you are, pay you back, and befriend you.

Your use of metaphor and imagery (the heart of poetry) is clear and concise, and you avoid any semblance of "ambiguity" … the bane to most every reader's enjoyment and understanding.
Okay, enough of my blather! : )
Now, I'm going to copy/paste this poem into messaging for a corner-polishing job, and to edit it for you to a high poetic state of possibility, explaining so you'll grasp it and have something useful to practice and apply to editing your other poems.

See you there! ⁓ Richard 🍃

[Garrett Leatherman]

Richard,

Thank you so much for this fantastic and very concrete critique and for taking the time to do it. I will be looking for your message in the meantime!

[Richard🖌]

Garrett,
It has been a pleasure.
I thank you most humbly for your patience and your trust. : )

[Richard🖌]

If you're interested and have time, you might find constructive value in the blogs and lessons on my Profile page.

[Garrett Leatherman]

I'm taking a look at them now!

[danielle.]

I am also a very big fan of writing (& reading) rhyming poetry.
Sometimes I feel like things make as sense best when I arrange my thoughts into rhyming stanzas.
My advice to you would be to analyze the patterns in your rhymes thoroughly.

Keep at it.

Elle xx

[Garrett Leatherman]

Thanks for the read and the review, Elle!

[Wicahpi]

Welcome to Writers Cafe! Though it would be nice to offer 'honest critique' like Richard below (or above, however, wherever this lands), I do not have the qualifications to do so, though reading through other comments I do believe that punctuation is important. In my own poetry there are some that are not inherent of that importance. Now, "ORANGE" to me, is not what I was expecting. I, too, was curious to know what the color orange represents. I cannot offer any commentary without first reading about the other colors. This was the first color of the series. It is true that there are not perfect rhymes for orange, maybe some similarities with others; none I truly like.

I enjoyed the read and really liked the last stanza. Truly brings the whole thought process to a close.
I look forward to reading the other chapters.

[Garrett Leatherman]

Thank you for your review and for reading my work! The title is a merely reference to the fact that there are no perfect rhymes for "orange". Doing an ode to rhymes was the first and most natural thing that came out as I sat down to write this one, so I went with it :) Looking forward to your other reviews!

[light and ashes]

Wow, this is so good.. kind of profound and brilliant.

[Garrett Leatherman]

I'm so glad you like it!!

[light and ashes]

I did! Very much!

[Delmar Cooper]

I see you ran into Richard, if you ever venture into prose the next iceberg your titanic adventure may strike is JayG . Both of these fellows are teachers of writing and will take time to aid and instruct. The rest of us around here are pretty oarsmen in the same boat you are. You can safely listen to their advice and profit.

About "Orange" : This poem is not as specific as "Green" which was about green stuff while "Orange" was about rhyming. Okay, so why the title? My answer is to fit your themed collection. Does it fit? I didn't think so and if you do intend to have a overall theme this one may stand outside that thematic idea. I haven't read enough of your stuff to be opinionated about it.

[Garrett Leatherman]

Yes, Richard has already been of great help to me. Regarding the theme and the title here, it's a reference to the fact that nothing rhymes with orange ;)

[Delmar Cooper]

I have heard that nothing rhymes with orange too.
But I was accepting a misconception , aren't you?
Near rhyme is as good as a miss, sorry about that.

Although it would not include a rhyme for orange a poem about and title for the color orange could at least mention it in text. Forgive me, I am addicted to parallel structure even in collections of poetry. Such structure is nice rather than necessary. But, of course you are right, the difficulty of some words to rhyme in English is strongly implied in your poem.