Green

Please note to separate the poet from the speaker here!

I’m sick, I’m sick, I swear I’m sick.

I’m greener than envy’s meanest trick.

I’m greener than avarice’s most ravenous plead

And sicker than the rotting green of a pitiful green weed.

 

And yet I feel no pain;

No remorse, no regret, no loss, no gain

Do I get from these green “stains” of greed and envy--

I’m healthier than the greenest health, but please do not resent me!

 

Now, I ask you, how could it be that I feel no grief?

Perhaps any emotion I feel is too shallow and brief,

Or maybe I simply lack all emotions,

Or, no--I know! Forget all your other notions:

 

Crazy, mad, out of my wits,

Off me rocker, insane, an absolute lunatic--

Call me any or all of the above, it’s anything but right!

My health is greener than nature’s greenest sight.

 

It’s factual, that’s right, I’m more natural than you,

And if you deem this opinion untrue,

Well, if only you knew! My envy and avarice

Are greenest of all, it is you who are anything but average!

 

You understand me now, right? Nature’s skeeviest schemes,

While indeed mean, are nothing more than natural seams

That seem evil and cruel--and they are--but they are the rule!

Yes, I am the rule, not the exception, and you are the ungreen fool.

 

Now I accept that this envy and greed are emerald stains

That perhaps in general render me “insane”.

But again--do you not understand?--Of course I’m sick,

Sicker than the thickest aquamarine--seasick.

 

But don’t trick me into thinking that this emerald sea

Is somehow unnatural--into its turbulence I blissfully flee,

And you will never see me green in the face--

Cause I’m only green in the head--call it displaced.

Author's Note

Please give me an honest critique. Thank you!

Reviews

[Delmar Cooper]

Greetings and wishes for a good and productive new year. I have read only this poem of yours, but the evidence strewn about suggests this in one of a series incorporated into a book themed by color. This green one shows great labor in the construction of the ideas. Now, I did not see any new ideas - perhaps there is no such thing as a new idea - but I did like the way you accepted the general conceits ranging around the topic color and used them to advantage. The rhyme is, for the most part, unforced and acceptable, but not remarkable. I suggest, as an exercise, taking the same sixteen couplets and putting them together in another form. I think it would be fun to do so and might expand your treatment of the common into something more uncommon. I enjoyed your poem as written and no revision is necessary, but I think your obvious talent wasn't tested here.

[Garrett Leatherman]

Thank you very much for you critique! When you say to take the 16 couplets and putting them into another form, could you give me an example of what another form might be? Thank you!

[Delmar Cooper]

First of all, I like couplets. Pope's work is mostly rhymed couplets and I like alexander Pope a lot. Your poem is pretty much AABBCCDDEEFFGGHHII etc. in the rhyme scheme. I could be reformatted as ABAB CDCD easily. Might not be better, but might be fun to try. (If it ain't fun don't do it.) Additionally the A rhyme might be repeated in a later stanza, then the B and so on. If you open up to new rhymes for A or b or C you may find new ways to express the greenness of green.

[Garrett Leatherman]

Great, thank you for your help!

[Delmar Cooper]

Probably worthless, except for the part about having fun. I think That is good advice.

[Wicahpi]

This was fun for me to read. Maybe the actual word 'green' doesn't have to be included as often as you see fit. I believe, in this particular rendition, that less is more. I enjoyed more the stanzas that didn't include all that 'green', for instance, the last line of the first stanza. All those 'green(s)' are not necessary. Maybe that last line of the fourth stanza could've ended with 'blight'? I think that would have more impact. (Without the 'greenest') Maybe, just maybe. the 'ungreen fool' is a 'naive fool' and therefore has more significance. Of course, these are just my opinions and observations. I did enjoy the read as stated in the beginning of this review. I enjoyed when you chose emerald in some verses over green. Good thinking!

[Garrett Leatherman]

As you may have noticed so far, I like using repetition in my poetry. Thanks to people like you on here I realize I have to tame this tendency a bit...Once again this review is very helpful. Thank you!

[Wicahpi]

Be You! That's the most important part of your poetry. Truly.