Let me take you on a journey...

Let me take you on a journey...

A Story by Onatah

Let me take you on a journey…

Walk, now, into the clear painted ceiling. There's a sky waiting for you. The stars shine brighter above you as you feel your body start to reduce. You're not moving towards them; the sky is coming to you. You feel the distant consumptions as though they are right before you. The air enters your lungs without inhaling. It flows through your skin without breaking. You see colors that have never existed, from objects that haven’t been born. You hear noises that feed you a language, spoken by lips with an unbroken seal. Your thoughts stretch farther than limitless. You are something you've been before.

© 2011 Onatah


Author's Note

Onatah
What promoted me? Dreams, prayers, knowledge. It is my attempt to capture those moments when I have them.

My Review

Would you like to review this Story?
Login | Register




Featured Review

I like the 'reader involvement' that you use.. it feels personal. I think that if you push yourself a bit more with the limits of the description.. that could push this to even greater heights. I mean its good what you have, but I feel you have even more of the story to tell..

Good job with the atmospheric notions..

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Wow this is really really deep with emotion in just a few words! Love it!

Posted 9 Years Ago


great imagery and imaginative description. I liked the comparissons you chose to enhance the overall feeling, it does feel a little incomplete though, but great job

Posted 11 Years Ago


It reminds me of the view children have on the world around them and how they perceive things. They knew there's a bigger picture out there but they don't know the exact mass of it, can only picture what it's like. I love this.

Posted 11 Years Ago


The imagery was quite powerful. It made you feel it.
And the fact that you so heavily involve the reader is something wonderful.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Wow.. I like the direct addressment to the reader, nice choice... I could really picture this, though I have no clue where it is, lol. Nice work! :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


Hallucinogens. I like it.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Nice way with how you include the reader. Scene by scene and flash by flash the reader is inside this piece. I liked this description of a higher state. My favorite part of it has to be seeing colors you have never seen before. It really plays with the mind.

"You are something you've been before." Interesting line. May I ask what you mean by it?

Very good write, you have a developed style in your writing.

Posted 12 Years Ago


I absolutely love this. I love your style. It's so original. You have a definite voice. Seriously, keep it up!

Posted 12 Years Ago


i like this one it reminds me when I use to do different kinds of meditations before i became a christian. i would try to relief my stress through visualization and focus.

Posted 12 Years Ago


This one did remind me of a spiritual poem, especially like the part of us not moving but the the sky moving to us, that would have been some experience to whitness. You had some descriptive images that were unique and therefore gave me the sense of this being spiritual. Good Write.

Posted 12 Years Ago



First Page first
Previous Page prev
1
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

447 Views
20 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on December 14, 2009
Last Updated on January 13, 2011


Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


Sailor Sailor

A Poem by Onatah