Sailor

Sailor

A Poem by Onatah
"

Odysseus did not fear the "Gods" because everything he loved was taken from him. He saw a large monster between him and his loved ones and he did not cower. He is a symbol of courage.

"

(Incomplete)

“Sailor! Sailor!
Tread with fear!
Pray before you sail away.
This mighty god beneath the sea

Spares only those who heeds their knee.

Yeild, now to humility,

And say this prayer here with me:

‘Gentile Poseidon, hear my prayer.
I sail your seas, I fear your wrath.
See me not as a trespasser.
I ask you humbly on my knees,
Take me as your Lord these nights,
While I sail the nights upon your seas.’”

Be wary sir, your prayer is heard,

But I yield not to god and sea.
I crawl his back against his will
and he sends his armies daily still.


So if you see me on the wave
turn away lest you be slain.
For where I sail there will be storms
For this god still tries to kill me.”

 

(Old version)

Sailor! Sailor!
Tread with fear!
Pray before you sail away.
Pray this prayer in humility:

"Gentile Poseidon, hear my prayer.
I sail your seas, I fear your wrath.
See me not as a trasspasser.
I ask you humbly on my knees,
Take me as your Lord these nights,
While I do sail your seas."

Thank you sir, I head your warning.
My fate is told, this God does fear me.
I crawl his back against his will
And still I live. Still I live.
If you see me on these planes
Do turn away or you might be slain.
For where I sail there will be storms
For this God still tries to kill me.

© 2011 Onatah


Author's Note

Onatah
This wasn't meant to rhyme, but I thought I'd go "psalm style". Enjoy.

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Featured Review

I like this idea, though in my opinion Odysseus wasn't courageous, he was a lustful simpleton who didn't know how to humble himself. Too bad he didn't recite this prayer before he went to sea.... =P He may have gotten back before 20 years....
This seems unfinished in a way, and it is rather disappointing cause I wanted it so badly to continue. I enjoy these types of writings, and the psalm style fits it well. I can hear it in my head. You did say at the top it was unfinished though, so I highly anticipate the final version.
A word of advice though? The last paragraph did not really have the same easy flow as the first two. It seemed jotted down instead of painting in the flowing script like the previous paragraph. Perhaps you meant to do that though....

Posted 12 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

This is a very well written write here. I like what you have to say.
Powerful and well done!



Posted 11 Years Ago


Second version is better. The flow is a lot smoother. I like both versions. Second version straight to the point and stronger. A excellent poem.
Coyote

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I think this has a lot of emotion and perspective,but you have to be the right person to understand.

(In my opinion,that's the way poetry should be.)

Love it,
-

Posted 12 Years Ago


i loved the poem sailor it beautiful and well written

Posted 12 Years Ago


I crawl his back against his will

I do not know if you meant to allude to the Greek myth of Atlas, carry the earth and the heaven's on his shoulder but it may fit nicely.



Posted 12 Years Ago


beautiful ^_^ I liked the "psalm style"

Posted 12 Years Ago


I like the thought, but I do have to say that I don't find him courageous, but more as proud and reckless... I really wanted to read more of it, but I guess you are planning on completing it? Lol

Posted 12 Years Ago


what i am really curious about it WHY?
why Odysseus? Why is he asking Poseidon to take him as his "lord"?
maybe they can have a dialog? Maybe there is something he can learn? Understand? but tell me why first...

Posted 12 Years Ago



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Added on December 23, 2009
Last Updated on January 14, 2011
Tags: Odysseus, Poseidon


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