Drizzle In Doncaster

Drizzle In Doncaster

A Poem by Devons

Waiting, soaked to the skin, no room in the shelter
for that miserable little bus, the nation's little helper
to pull you out from this day of grey
this dreary alternative to the Book of Revelations
Judgement is the cold, studied drizzle
and the silent resignations
that this is life and this is real
and this is God's way.
Heading home on the bus-seat, slithering damp against your legs
the reeking scent of sweat from humanity's dregs
him coughing, her sneezing, anonymous wheezing
recovering from existence and another day of business
longing for the fire-side and little kettle boiling
the closest you will come to Biblical forgiveness
thus, the only Heaven that you can imagine
this, the only Hell you know, numbing and freezing.
And once upon a time, in your cosy teenage room
the rain beat on the window like a heartbeat on a womb
foetally-curled, warmed against the world
the false, loving sense of your own security
dreaming from your bed to adolescent tunes
callow be thy name in your wistful immaturity
but innocence is bliss one day
the next, to be unfurled.
And as you smear the condensation to peer through dirty glass
and crack a smile at the smutty world and filthy blurs that pass
you think all God can teach you is how to survive
not how to kick and not how to thrive
but to buckle and bend
and just stay alive.

© 2015 Devons


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Oh!!!..now this was so so good,I am in awe..the stanza that i just adored..
And once upon a time, in your cosy teenage room
the rain beat on the window like a heartbeat on a womb
foetally-curled, warmed against the world
the false, loving sense of your own security
dreaming from your bed to adolescent tunes
callow be thy name in your wistful immaturity
but innocence is bliss one day
the next, to be unfurled.
I liked the entire stanza,but undoubtedly the line that is going to linger on my mind long after this read has to be the rain beat on the window like a heartbeat on a womb..now that is one very very well thought out phrase,so lovely and so tender...
There is something so strong,so subtly melancholic and yet so undeniable about those words.How innocence has a small shelf life..unless we are happy to have a semblance to an ostrich,with its head in the sand.I liked the way there was an apt break in the lines,but innocence is bliss one day
the next, to be unfurled.
Your poem stands out as whole and also as single words and phrases for everything is so perfect and chosen with such care.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I came across this quite by accident - it's exceptionally good. So much so that I searched writers and writing to find it again after I logged in. I hope he/she had a cup of hot chocolate waiting for them when they got home and the world looked a brighter place, although I know myself that it drizzles quite a lot in Doncaster. :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


its not just your mastery of language that i admire , but the nuance of humanity you are ever alert to .

Posted 9 Years Ago


Awesome word usage, I liked the flow of the vocabulary that you chose, very nice

Posted 9 Years Ago


A poem to be admired. Fantastic use of image to portray the bleakness. I apsolutely love this.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Bravo, cracking title. It put its arm around me and said, 'Step inside, read me.' Wet/miserable/grey/dreary/cold/drizzle ... yes, that is life methinks, but once we know that it brightens up. I esp like the lines towards the end 'And as you smear ... And crack a smile ...' You see how things are and still smile. I can see that moment.

Posted 10 Years Ago


I liked the feel of the poem…
It carries a lot of inner meanings….
That lay intricate between the lines….
Amazing….


Posted 10 Years Ago


I was surrounded by beautiful imagery all through the poem . I saw the scene of a bus coming to a shelter it was well described and easy to picture but got me thinking deeply about it. I felt like was something to do with the misery of life and I could relate to it. Your words flow nicely I adore your choice of words. Overall I think your very inspiring writer and everytime it comes to reading your work my mind gets blown away

Posted 10 Years Ago


This is amazingly done. The harsh reality of life you capture in such fine detail. Life can indeed be such a struggle. The last verse is phenomenal...excellent writing...

Posted 10 Years Ago


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JC
damn...this reminded me of many a bus ride through grimy east hastings streets of vancouver, comforting thought to know another soul that ponders and observes along those smutty routes...an intensely drawing read, very well versed, raw and real..

Posted 10 Years Ago



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1325 Views
27 Reviews
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Shelved in 3 Libraries
Added on July 15, 2010
Last Updated on May 26, 2015
Tags: work

Author

Devons
Devons

South West, United Kingdom



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