Orange Cream Swirl Shakes (10/20/08)

Orange Cream Swirl Shakes (10/20/08)

A Story by C. Johnson
"

Ehh, today threw me in a great mood. This is in essence, nothing. I just felt like syphoning a bit of my day off.

"
The girl at Arby's with the cute smile gave me extra cream in my shake today.
With a name like Shasta, I can't help but wonder what her mother was thinking...
I've always liked the woman up there with the glasses.
I think she's a manager.
Her hair is drawn back hot against her scalp into a dense little bun at the back.
Entirely too tight for a blonde.
I always seemed to notice the hairs that got away from that Gordian knot.
I smile inside at the sight of them.
The woman seems little prudish at first but when she smiles, you see it.
I tipped her on homecoming night when I got Keely and myself a shake.
That's when I first saw it. That smile and that slow ignition that comes from getting to know a person like her.
It's just like starting an old car on a winter morning, where your bitten by frost and breathe rough fog patches out as the engine whines and whirs but combusts as all good little internal combustion engines do, and should.
There's an expectation we all have come to inherit.
We want to be liked
Even when we say we don't
After all we like to warm our toes don't we?
Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play?

Today, she was in the kitchen talking with an employee and noticed me waiting at the pickup counter, and she began to wave at me energetically from behind the turnover oven.
I suppose there has to be something at the end of the denouement, even if I can't see it.
Then again, I've never been one to settle for a denouement.

I think I've made a new friend.

© 2008 C. Johnson


Author's Note

C. Johnson
Don't tear me a new one. :)
Ignore the grammar/typos/etc.
Smile a while!

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Reviews

Hey C. so here is my two bits: Remove combustion before engine, you state that it's of course combustion in the same sentence, and plus the second helping slows it down, boggy baby. Second bit is to remove the last paragraph or rewrite it completely, omit "denouement" I can see why your using the word, but it doesn't fit. Hell, I can't see it fitting in any piece of writing except a technical rehashing of some event for business or report fashion. I really enjoyed the first two lines, Shasta made me laugh. It seems more like a poem than a story, and the to me it feels that that's what you were going for--if only subconsciously--which in the end, you tried to correct by adding that clunky, batch of words. I say stick to the form and fashion that the majority of the poem/story is in and you will have a nice piece of writing.

Keep up the good work, ignoring the grammar/typos/etc. :P

-Brandon

Posted 15 Years Ago



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Added on October 21, 2008

Author

C. Johnson
C. Johnson

About
I'm an artistic soul, using visuals to convey how I truly feel. I love history and love it even more so when portrayed right. I love eclectic styles and vintage french posters. Old coins, unconvention.. more..

Writing