Dodgy Dinners

The food doesn't quite live up to expectations.

DODGY DINNERS

 

 Greystone Lane was in a residential area and had, once upon a time, looked as if it would never change. The lane dated from the nineteenth century, when stone thatched roof cottages were in vogue. Thatching roofs had become so expensive, that with time it was quite out of the question for many people to remake them. After some years there were no thatched roofs to be seen in Greystone Lane, although the exterior walls of the cottages bore testimony to what the lane had originally looked like. The whole lane fell into a state of being uncared for, and the cottages gradually took on a dilapidated air. One by one they fell into disrepair and would eventually have been demolished, if it hadn’t been for an enterprising builder, who had seen the lane one day when out on a Sunday drive with his family.

Jake Simmons, a wealthy builder in his early fifties, saw the possibility of making an exorbitant amount of money. But to begin with, he needed to find out how safe and sound the cottages were. Jake had no intention of building any new houses, if those already in existence were good enough to refurbish and sell as if they were new. Therefore, the first person to enter the old cottages was a surveyor, who went over them as closely as was possible. The roofs were the biggest problem as thatching was quite out of the question for the younger generations who had never known it.

The surveyor sent in his report to Jake and with it some advice on what he might be able to do about the roofs. Jake sat down with his colleagues and discussed what would make them the most money and at the same time appear a bargain to the buyers.

 

The houses were ripped apart. Inside, all the walls were redistributed, and the old wooden ceiling beams were replaced with a lighter coloured wood. At the same time a large hoarding was set up at both ends of the lane offering them for sale at a reasonable price, and with the added advantage that if a future owner would like to, they were able to choose the colours of the bathroom and the kitchen from a range of products at no extra cost.

The cottages were so old in design that the kitchens and dining-rooms and sitting-rooms needed to have a large overhaul. The kitchens had half of the dining-rooms added to them, the other half was added to the sitting rooms. The new distribution made the downstairs interiors lighter. Depending on the colour of the kitchens, it added or took away the amount of natural light. The lane was viewed continually during the rehabilitation process, and some were actually acquired.

 

There seemed to be a never ending coming and going of workmen carrying ladders, paint brushes, and uncountable different coloured paints. Jake had spent his life in construction and had many cards up his sleeve. His contacts in the electrical trade were delighted by the fact that he would be not only doing up the cottages, but making sure all of them had an electric cooker, a microwave oven, a washing machine, a dryer. All of these things were installed by Jake’s company. If he could, he would have chosen the buyers, too. Jake’s imagination when he had seen Greystone Lane, had been on overtime as regards the conversion of the cottages into desirable residences for a certain kind of person. He liked the vision of well-dressed occupiers leaving the cottages every day to go to work. For those inhabitants who didn’t go out to work, he hoped they would take up gardening. In fact, he offered them help with the way they could lay out the lawn, the shrubs, and the flower beds. He wanted all of those who had bought a cottage to be happy. But unfortunately for Jake, he wasn’t a wizard or a magician, and had to put up with the buyers of the cottages.

 

The dismal air of Greystone Lane, bit by bit, changed into one of lightness and colour. The seasons came and went and then, one year after Jake had purchased all the cottages, they were finished, and inspectors went to check the building and everything involved in the reconstruction of the interiors. The original colour of the exteriors was white, so they had been painted in the same shade. The window frames were also white and in mock lattice design. The chimneys had been removed and central heating had been installed. They were all identical, and it only needed for one of the buyers to move in and begin furnishing their cottage, to give them a different identity.

The front gardens were lawns that were as smooth as a golf course. Jake had had the foresight to have a garage built for each cottage at the end of the lane. The path that led to the front was made of crazy paving, in an even greater desire to have a hand in the way the habitants of the cottages would live. Jake had bushes and shrubs planted under the sitting-room window and next to the fences on the other three sides. Jake waited eagerly for the new home owners to move into the cottages. He was on tenterhooks as moving-in day approached, and his family wondered whether he would last the day out without having a seizure.

 

By the time the houses had all been inhabited and furnished, the heavy autumn rainfalls had started to fall. Any defects in Jake’s men’s workmanship would be shown up with leaking roofs and water entering with the windows. But nothing of the sort took place. An onlooker would say that all was well in Greystone Lane.

 

Liz Butler was an ex-prisoner. She had done time, and after a few bad moves had got herself a job as a buyer in a department store. So far, Liz was managing to behave herself. In her past she had been a shoplifter, and it was for that offence she had done time. The department store had taken her on because of her past, and thought that she would be a help to them in the fight against thieving of any type. As a woman, Liz was popular, with her long blonde hair and her well made-up face. She didn’t know how long she would manage to stay out of trouble, but was willing to do her best, unless her finances began to crumble. Liz’s garden sloped down and so there was shade at the end of it, especially in the corners.

 

On a Saturday afternoon visit to the garden centre, Liz bought some hydrangeas to flourish in the spring. It was dark when Liz got home and she put the baby plants by the back door for planting on Sunday morning. Liz bought her cottage with money she had saved from her shoplifting days. From the very first time Liz had shoplifted, somehow, however small, she had saved some of the money from what she had sold things for. She had bought the hydrangeas for their bushy appearance and the lovely blue, pink, and white clusters. Little did Liz know that she would be involved in another scandal.

Autumn was not a very good time for planting anything, but as some plants can be kept indoors or in a greenhouse during the cold months, Liz wasn’t at all worried about their survival.

She had become friendly with one of the other cottage owners, a man called Morley, who had spent his life in the navy, and on retiring had bought himself a gym with his savings. The gym was doing very well when he moved into Greystone Lane and met Liz. Morley was a man who got up at the same time every morning whatever the weather, and Liz had the misfortune to meet him when she was leaving for work. Morley, who had never been married, had never shown much interest in women. They formed part of the landscape, the same as a tree or a field - they were there, that’s all. Liz thought he looked a bit stiff, in her eyes he needed lightening up. “Hello, trying to catch your death running around in this pouring rain?”

Morley panted out, “I like to keep fit and if it’s raining or snowing, then never mind, I just go straight ahead. Where are you off to?”

Liz, who was getting into her car, said, “I’m off to work in Lawrence’s Department Store in the branch right by the town centre clock. Like to have lunch with me at twelve on the dot?”

Morley said, without thinking, “Yes, I’d like that. It’s not often that I get an invitation from an attractive woman.”

 

Liz drove off to work happily, she hadn’t had any kind of relationship with a man since her arrest and the imprisonment. She had observed Morley running in the street, and had gone for him. She didn’t want to be alone, and she also wondered what he would say when he knew she had been inside.

 

Morley finished his run and went home for a quick hot shower and breakfast, and then off to the gym. The gym was doing very well, and Morley had recently employed two young men on the success that he felt was coming his way. As a general rule, the morning customers were young men, housewives, and those out of work. It was a cheap way for keeping out of trouble. He spent the morning going from one to another, his two co-workers Wayne and Stan were the most helpful anyone could imagine. When he told them he had a lunch date, they said they were only too happy to do his work as well.

 

Liz and Morley met in the restaurant in Lawrence’s, and for both of them it was a pleasant surprise. Morley was dressed in a heavy sweater and jeans and trainers, and Liz was in her shop uniform.

“What shall we have?” Liz asked Morley.

“As you know what the food is like here, I’d rather you chose.”

“I suggest a nice thick soup, with beans and rice, and a crusty roll. Is that OK with you?” Liz asked Morley, who was happy at her decisive attitude.

The two singletons had a happy lunch and spoke about all kinds of topics. Morley asked Liz what her job was in Lawrence’s, and she said, “I’m in security, and before you say anything, they gave me the job because I spent three months in prison due to shoplifting. They thought I would be good at the job because of my experience.”

Morley said, “That’s quite a clever move on their part, as they know you’ll never steal from the store. Don’t look so worried, there must be a lot of people out there taking stuff from all kinds of shops due to the job situation. We have shampoos, shower gels, towels, and T-shirts disappearing all the time. The towels are a very popular object, because they’re large, white, and fluffy. What’s the best evening for you to come round and have dinner with me. I’m not a bad cook?”

Liz was delighted to receive an offer for dinner so soon. She felt she had to make up for lost time in her less than romantic life.

 

Carly was another single woman in Greystone Lane. She had been married twice, and had never understood why her marriages hadn’t worked out. It may have been the fact that she was a high flyer in a bank, and it made men feel rather inferior to her, although Carly never thought of her job as anything other than to make enough money to live well. She felt the garden was rather bare and bought some narcissus bulbs, which she left in their paper wrapping in the small shed. She saw Liz and Morley chatting outside their houses and going off together in his car. Liz had no reason to worry, as Carly had things on her mind other than men. She was in a position that gave her a certain amount of power. More than once, it had crossed her mind how to make her lot more comfortable.  She never knew if what she had done, was the real reason behind certain deaths in the bank. There had been a lot of scandal after a Christmas dinner paid for by the bank, when some of the most elderly with healthy accounts, had been taken ill and died. Carly had done well when she knew that one of the old ladies she had dealings with in the bank, had left her a handsome legacy in her will, with which Carly had bought and furnished her cottage. It had meant that her high wage went virtually untouched. Carly’s biggest problem was that she never knew when to stop in any undertaking she had ongoing. Her post at the bank had developed in her a high sense of being in control, and she still hadn’t learned her lesson after two failed marriages, and the food poisoning that took place at the dinner. Carly still wasn’t quite sure how it had happened - but it had. She had thought of buying a dog, but then had second thoughts about the responsibility when she was away from home.

 

Jolene was an ex-showgirl, who was wiser beyond her years. Her admirers had been extraordinarily generous to her and she had been showered with all kinds of luxurious gifts. Now she was no longer in demand as a high kicking dancer, she had to live by her wits. She had no sense of danger from plants or anything else, but neither did she trust anyone. Greystone Lane seemed to Jolene to be the perfect place to pass unnoticed, but her glamorous clothes and make-up attracted some of the neighbours. Liz recognized her from the types she had met in prison, who had shot or maimed their boy friends in one way or another. She also noticed Morley and Liz going out for walks and for drives. Jolene discovered how boring living in Greystone Lane really was, after only a short time living there. As Liz was rarely at home, for Jolene that made Liz out of bounds as far as socialising was concerned. Morley was not her type, so she set her eyes on the only other man of a reasonable age to flirt with, in the hope that he would turn up trumps.

 

Bob was the last one to occupy one of the cottages.

 

Jake had gone through agony with the deepest and darkest thoughts about the cottages. After all the decisions and planning that had taken place ever since he had set eyes on Greystone Lane, he had wanted his remuneration quicker than quick. Once installed in their new homes, there didn’t seem to be any dissatisfied customers. Everyone was happy with their purchase, or at least gave the appearance of being so. What Jake had never found out, was why no one in the past had ever wanted to do anything with a cottage, not even if it had been a legacy.

 

Morley invited Liz, Carly, Jolene, and Bob to a pre-Christmas dinner one cold Christmas Saturday night. He prepared a good spread, with all the most prohibited food that anyone could imagine. He had put himself out with all the meat and fish dishes, followed by many different sweets, cakes, and chocolate. The drinks provided were almost too much to manage, but his guests when they left his cottage were too full up to walk. Morley smiled to himself, imagining that they would be needing the service of his gym after the Christmas festivities were over.

 

Bob was a flirty type and his eyes lighted on Jolene as soon as he saw the flashiness of her clothes and her make-up. They had just been formally introduced at Morley’s dinner party, and both had the feeling that something could come out of it. What none of them knew was that Bob was an ex-policeman, and that he knew more about all of them than they would have wished. He had taken his time in moving into Greystone Lane, due to responsibilities at work.

 

A couple of days before Christmas Day, Bob went to Morley’s gym, only to find two young men as well as Morley present.

“Well, how are you today, Bob?” Morley said in greeting. “Theey are my assistants, Wayne and Stan, who are doing very well.”

Bob shook hands with the two young men, and wondered if they had a criminal record. As if he could do anything even if they had. After a man had done time, he was expected to try and turn his life round, and pursue a more honest way of living. Those who had done time easily recognized policemen, and trod carefully.

Morley asked Bob, “What would you like to try out this morning?”

Wayne and Stan, who had had several dealings with the police in the past when they were much younger, decided to take matters into their own hands. Morley was pleased that his assistants were so attentive to Bob, and let them get on with it.

 

Bob was obliged to remove all his clothing, and was then taken to a dark pool. For an hour, Bob lay in total darkness in a pool full of algae. Wayne and Stan left him alone in the pool, and went to help other customers. Bob was inside a nightmare. He couldn’t see anything and the only sound came from the water when he moved his arms or legs. The light was turned on and Bob had to blink in order to see properly. Stan wrapped Bob’s body in a lovely white towel, and led him to a spa with different spurts of water. When he had taken all of them, he was taken to a steam room, where he lay down on a wooden bed and sweated. Then he was put in a sauna and sweated even more - till he fell asleep. On leaving the sauna, Bob was taken to the ice room, where he was drenched in freezing water. It was two hours later, when Bob eventually emerged from what he considered complete and utter torture.

Morley wasn’t very sure about his young assistants’ fervour towards Bob, but they didn’t trust Bob, and let him know, that in the gym they were in charge.

 

“How do you feel? Like a new man, I suppose,” Morley said to Bob, when he was standing at the reception desk after all his water experiences.”

Bob reached into his pocket for his wallet, but Morley placed a hand on his arm, saying, “It’s on the house, so you know one side of my business. The next time you’ll be on the machines. See you around.”

 

Bob got into his car and looked in the mirror. His face was bright pink, his hands and nails were the cleanest they had ever been. But above all he felt tired and drove off in the direction of his cottage. Bob had ordered some plants for the New Year, and they duly arrived in a van, with the gardener who would be planting them for him.

 

Carly invited all of them to her New Year’s party, and her daily help helped her with the preparation. All day they were cooking and putting up streamers saying ‘Happy New Year’ and taking down ‘Happy Christmas’. The dinner was for eight, but the guests could arrive at seven thirty. Carly’s help went looking for some onions to put in the stew, and found the narcissus bulbs, but being a woman who knew next to nothing about anything to do with gardening, didn’t think twice and cooked up the meat with the bulbs and the other vegetables.

 

The stew tasted very different, as they all said, till one by one they began vomiting and complaining of stomach cramps. Bob rang for an ambulance and they were all taken to the local hospital, where they had biopsies of the stomach contents taken. The nature of the vomiting was put down to poisoning from narcissus bulbs.

 

The unlucky five left the hospital a few days later, still looking as pale as death.

 

Carly was the first to leave Graystone Lane, and put her cottage up for sale. She valued her job and her pride, and had one thing on her mind, and that was to flee as far away as possible, to avoid any more untoward scandals. She got a transfer to another branch of the bank, and disappeared for ever, out of sight of those who lived in the other cottages.

 

Morley and Liz, who really appreciated each other, took the decision to live together above the gym, and later on to get married and buy a new home together.

 

Jolene and Bob went to live in a luxurious mobile home while waiting for the sale of their cottages to go through. They were afraid of having a house with a garden and plants.

 

Jake was alarmed when he saw the cottages he had so lovingly refurbished, on sale again, after having been sold not so long before. He couldn’t make any kind of sense out of it. Jake went into the local library one day and looked for any reference to Greystone Lane. The land had been used as a slaughter site for farm animals in the Middle Ages, and the land had been poisoned ever since.

 

Jake went home and made up his mind to be more careful the next time he had one of his bright ideas. 

Reviews

[SquinklaPsyOps]

Skillfully crafted and beautifully conceived and rendered

with so many tender expressions for all eternity...

your phrasing and imagery place this piece in the category of skillful art.

[Georgina V Solly]

Hello Arch Angel, I appreciate your exquisite comments. It's not often I receive such a precise interpretation and appreciation. (I see you are a poet.) Many thanks. Georgina.