A Burning Ember On My Tongue

Life used to be an endless party, but things got complicated. Quickly.

Dramatis Personae

Eris

Stim

Olivia

Halicut

Nora

(Stage is empty)

ERIS

Heyo. I’m Eris. E-R-I-S. It’s Greek, I think. But not really. When I was born, my mom " well, it was a compromise. My mom wanted to name me after one of the great cities in Europe. London, Berlin, Madrid, you know… In fact my middle name is Leningrad. Eris Leningrad Elizabeth Apple. Mom wanted Paris. Dad wanted Erin, after his brother. His ghost brother. No, like really. They were s’posed to be like twins, and stuff, but --- there was just one of them, you know. So I was almost Erin, which is a boy’s name anyway. Ghost Brother Erin.

(Shakes head)

Like I needed that burden over my head. HA. Erin plus Paris equals Eris. Most people pronounce it “Iris” but that’s okay. Yup. I’m a pretty normal person. I don’t think I’m really any worse than anyone else. It’s all like… I’m just like you. I say that I hate bein’ bored, but really, I like it. Boredom suits me fine. It does. I mean, it’s… you know? But like interesting boredom. I like drama. It’s a decent way to pass the time. I believe in drama. I am a propagator of drama. And it’s so easy. Let me show you.

(Enter Stim)

STIM

(Passes Eris pipe)

Wanna hit this?

(Coughs)

ERIS

But of course, monsieur. But of course.

(Smokes pipe)

Oh god.

(To audience)

Yep. That old feeling. The sudden sense of energized drowsiness. I’m not an addict or anything. Three or four times a week, that’s my limit.

(Whoosh)

Maybe five. Oh lord. God that hurts.

STIM

So, is Nora and Halicut comin’ over tonight?

ERIS

I dunno

STIM

Whaddya mean you don’t know?

ERIS

Dude, it’s your house.

STIM

Oh yeah. I guess… Yeah, they said they comin’ over. With supplies. Ha Ha. High Five?

ERIS

Flipper five. We’re both penguins, remember?

STIM

Yeah-yeah. You--- You---

ERIS

You bring the cod fish and I’ll bring the fun.

STIM

Oh god, that’s good. Ha-ha.

ERIS

Indeed. Indeed.

(To audience)

Okay, what was that conversation about? No, it wasn’t about Nora or her sidekick Halicut. It’s about Skylar. That’s Stim’s roommate. Skylar’s been wandering around the house, okay, four rooms like a week now. But Skylar is inordinately fond of Halicut, for some reason. Some odd reason. It’s one of those weird non-sexual attraction things, if such a concept is allowed to exist. So anyway, my mission for the night: To get Skylar, the Prime Minister of the People’s Republic of Depression out of hibernation. And to get to the bottom of all the gloom. And if I have to use drama to get to the bottom of it, I shall. Indeed.

(Enter Nora and Halicut)

NORA

So.

HALICUT

Heyo-hey

STIM

Hah-Hah. Hehn…

ERIS

There’s always usually an awkward silence at about this point.

(An awkward silence)

STIM

So, did you bring the bong?

NORA

(Laughs)

Hell yes.

STIM

Let’s dig in.

(Stim and Nora smoke bong)

ERIS

It’s important to remember that one must never be pegged a “drama queen.” That’s like total suicide. It’s just a bad idea. The better idea is to start slow, and always come off as the concerned person who asks questions. Well, not concerned. Interested. Yeah.

(To Halicut)

So Halicut, I saw Olivia the other day. Did you two go shoppin’ together?

HALICUT

No. We hate shopping now, ever since I got arrested. No fun anymore.

ERIS

Anyway, she was wearing the red scarf that you said that she would look awesome in.

HALICUT

The scarf we found that was way too expensive for any scarf to be?

ERIS

The same scarf.

(Smokes)

HALICUT

No, wow. Really?

ERIS

Yes indeed. The very same scarf that when upon approaching it, caused you to exclaim “Oh my god, this scarf would be perfect for Olivia.”

HALICUT

Well, the red color would play nicely off her moon-white skin tone, you know?

ERIS

Well, she was wearing it.

HALICUT

Damn. I had wanted to buy that for her birthday.

ERIS

Her next birthday?

HALICUT

What?

ERIS

It was last week. Didn’t you see on her Facebook?

HALICUT

Oh s**t.

ERIS

It was an awesome party. Totally.

(To audience)

No, it was not. It was like, an actual party-party. There were balloons. There were balloons, I say. There was pizza, soda and cake. That sort of party. I think I was the only person from Olivia’s weed-life present. Oh lord, so awkward. I had to " you know, make up a whole life for the benefit of Olivia’s mom, who was always popping her head in. “I’m between jobs; it’s a hard world out there you know.”

Just like some normal loser. Bleah.

(To Halicut)

You should call her. Olivia needs to be here. She could show off her scarf.

(To audience)

I have a theory that Halicut has a mad crush on Olivia. And truth be told, I think Skylar does too. If the presence of Halicut does not bring Skylar out of seclusion, then the combined powerhouse of Halicut- Olivia surely will. Oh yes. There could be drama. Indeed.

STIM

Wait, wait. I don’t (cough) want everyone and their parakeet comin’ over. (Wheeze)

ERIS

(To audience)

This is a test. Sure, I like Stim. And it’s his house. But Stim has been either smoking this bad Mexican tourist schwag all day, alternating with resin hits. I’ve had like what, three, four tokes? I’m still basically sober. Not Stim. I must prove that I am indeed the strong person.

(To Stim)

But everyone wants to see her new scarf. Everyone. Let’s have a vote. Okay Stim, it’s your house. So your vote is worth two. And it’s two votes. Two votes for the Scarf of Great Controversy. And besides, Halicut needs to apologise for missin’ her friend’s birthday.

NORA

She wasn’t even invited.

STIM

How would…

NORA

Well, If I wasn’t invited, then Halicut wasn’t invited.

ERIS

Oh, come on, there’s like, it was on her Facebook. Y’all were invited.

STIM

Y’all?

ERIS

(Ignoring Stim)

Indeed. All those not present need to make this up to her. Okay Stim?

STIM

Well, Okay, I guess.

ERIS

(To audience)

Victory. It smells like Napalm, and it’s very, very, very sweet.

(To rest)

I’ll call her now.

NORA

(Sulking)

Olivia’s not even on my friends list. We’re on different networks.

ERIS

Hopefully, we haven’t consumed all of our resources. We need to make this up to her. Indeed. I’ll call her.

(Picks up cell)

Um, I seem to have misplaced her number.

HALICUT

Oh, just use mine

ERIS

Thanks. Um… … … I need a cigarette.

STIM

(Eyes wide)

Woo--! No tobacco here. None. Stuff smells terrible.

ERIS

Oh OK.

(She walks away)

Whatever you say, boss.

(To audience)

Thank the lord for small mercies.

(Phone rings)

(Enter Olivia, away from the others, talking on her phone)

OLIVIA

Hali-chan? Halicut Standish? Well, this is a surprise. Hello?

ERIS

No, it’s Eris. Listen, do you-

OLIVIA

-I read about you today.

ERIS

S**t -what? In the news -

OLIVIA

No, no, it’s nothing like that " (laughs)

ERIS

Anyway, you need to come to Stim’s. And you need to -um, I mean, like, do you own a scarf?

OLIVIA

Me? Like why? It’s like April.

ERIS

Um, we’re having a scarf party.

OLIVIA

Never heard of that.

ERIS

It’s very important.

OLIVIA

Like for inner-tubing? Down hills?

ERIS

No, no. Like one of those cool silk scarves that cool older girls wear?

OLIVIA

Cool, older girls… like you? (Laughs)

ERIS

Anyway, you need to come to Stim’s. And you need to -um like, do you own a scarf?

OLIVIA

Me? Like why, it’s like April.

ERIS

Um, we’re having a scarf party.

OLIVIA

Never really heard of that.

ERIS

It’s really quite important.

OLIVIA

Like for inner-tubing? Down hills and stuff?

ERIS

No, no. Like one of those cool silk scarves that like cool older girls are prone to wearing.

OLIVIA

Cool older girls….like you? (Laughs)

ERIS

Yes~! Exactly, Exactly~!

OLIVIA

I don’t really have one of those.

ERIS

S**t. Wait……um….your dad, doesn’t he have….

OLIVIA

He doesn’t really live with us anymore.

ERIS

Oh.

OLIVIA

(Awkwardly, but sweetly) I’m sorry….

ERIS

Not your fault. Him…..generally in these situations, he’s got a load of crap packed away, right? Or did your mum just torch it all? I mean, he’s still got tonnes of s**t just lying around, right?

OLIVIA

In a manner of speaking…

ERIS

Aces. Find like a nice red shirt, and then like cut off the sleeves, ‘kay? And like…um…wear it ‘round your neck.

OLIVIA

I don’t recall his arms being so long.

ERIS

So like cut along the side of the shirt, or something.

OLIVIA

(Pondering) …Around my neck, like some pagan battle trophy…I like the sound of that…. (Laughs)

ERIS

Yes. And come soon. There’s like, um, lots of like, drugs and stuff.

OLIVIA

I don’t really---

ERIS

Yes. Yes, you do.

OLIVIA

Ohm…do y’have any cheese fries?

ERIS

Of course.

OLIVIA

With the non-spicy, not too garlicky dip?

ERIS

Let me check the larder……

(Clucks tongue)

Bingo~!

OLIVIA

(Laughs merrily)

Okay, I’ll get a shirt, and then like, find a scissors or something.

ERIS

Yeah. And um, wear it ‘round your neck, right?

OLIVIA

Like a trophy~! I so totally get it~! Wow. (Laughs)

ERIS

Yes. And come soon. We’ve got like, lots of drugs and stuff.

OLIVIA

I don’t -

ERIS

Yes. Yes, you do.

OLIVIA

You sure you’ve got the cheese fries, with the non-hot dip? And maybe more than one kind of cheese? And the Jolly Good Soda?

ERIS

I assure you, I do. We do.

OLIVIA

Well, like, total yayness. (Ponders a second) I’ll find a shirt and bike over quick as a bunny.

ERIS

Spectacular. See you soon, god-willing.

(To audience)

Mein gott, so exhausting.

(To her friends)

‘Kay, people. (Claps) Turn down the music. Comrades, we’ve hit a snag. Do we have any scarves?

NORA

(Still sulking) No. (Pause) Why?

ERIS

She doesn’t want the only one to be wearing a scarf? Yeah. That’s it.

HALICUT

With a scarf?

ERIS

Yes. Totally.

STIM

Coo. Cos I got like, a Packer scarf and s**t, but like, it still smells like the last time i wore it when-

ERIS

Thank-you Stim. But we all know that story.

(Bites lower lip)

Ahm….Forget it. I’ll just think of something else. Someone pass me the pipe?

NORA

I for one, think that Olivia is a snob.

HALICUT

Oh, STFU. She is not.

ERIS

(To audience) No-! No. (Shakes head) They can’t start arguin’ ‘til Olivia gets here. If Olivia gets here and they’re all weed-exhausted, s**t, it won’t work at all, you know? (Scratches arm) Of course, nothing speeds along that particular process like stupid arguin’. Gottverdammt. (To N. and H.)

Hey, guys---

NORA

-girls. (Peeved)

ERIS

Guys---girls, aren’t we all like, total friends here? Let’s listen to music until Olivia gets here. Okay?

NORA

We already are.

ERIS

‘kay….better music. Blast up the Electric Wizard~!

STIM

Eris, I adore you.

(Turns up volume, bangs head. No-one else does this yet.)

(Warbles)

Nuclear, warhead, ready to strike….

NORA

Feh. I’d like to strike one warhead. You’re not even singing the right words. The nuclear warhead part comes later. Loser.

HALICUT

(To no-one in particular) You know what would be like a really mean thing to do? (Waits, no-one responds to her) Pack a bowl of like, salvia or some s**t, and tell them it is like, totally weed. Hahh….yeah….

ERIS

The music’s so loud, I can’t even think….

STIM

That’s the general idea, actually.

HALICUT

So give them salvia for weed, so that when they take a hit, it all gets like all spinney and slow and colourful.

NORA

All that s**t does is make my skin like, itchy.

STIM

You know what this party needs? Poppy seeds. Like millions and billions of lovely little poppy seeds.

ERIS

(Joint to lips)

Too late for that one, bub.

(Lights, inhales)

The country store that sells them in bulk closes early, you know.

STIM

Yeah, I know. Stupid f*****g economy. Goddamn socialism. Stupid Amish people looking at you funny when you buy ten pounds of poppy seeds. (Collapses on floor)

Play the  song again~! (Wriggles)

ERIS

(To audience)

My god, my god, what have I done?

(Enter OLIVIA)

OLIVIA

Heyas. It’s me, me and only me.

HALICUT

(Drowsily)

What on earth is around your neck?

(Points)

OLIVIA

(Worried)

My scarf. Um….you don’t like it?

HALICUT

Christ. I like, hate it.

OLIVIA

(Sullen)

Well, if that’s the case, maybe it’s a situation of ‘hello-good-bye’ that we’ve got here.

ERIS

(Taking OLIVIA by shoulder)

She’s baked like easy, man. Don’t take it personal.

OLIVIA

Um…………

(Removes scarf, stuffing it into pocket)

HALICUT

(Confused)

Uh, sorry….?

ERIS

Yeah…have a seat. Do you listen to Electric Wizard much?

OLIVIA

Never even heard of them. Kinda heavy.

HALICUT

(Eyes half-open)

They’ve got a real bluesy vibe.

(Conspiratorially)

They’re from England. Same as Harry Potter, you know.

(Nods to self, quite satisfied.)

STIM

They’re the bee’s knees. The bee’s knees, I tell you.

OLIVIA

I can hardly hear anything actually.

(To ERIS)

Hey, can I talk to you?

(STIM increases volume)

ERIS

What?

OLIVIA

I want to talk to you?

ERIS

I can barely understand what you are sayin’

OLIVIA

I can’t hear you!

ERIS

What?

OLIVIA

Let’s go outside and maybe we can-

ERIS

I can’t (screaming) STIM TURN DOWN THE DAMN VOLUME

STIM

Oh sorry.

(He remains still. ERIS glares at him angrily)

Oh…..yeah.

(Turns down volume)

ERIS

(To OLIVIA)

Let’s have a cigarette.

OLIVIA

I don’t smoke.

(A little wave of her hand, as if to shoo away smoke)

ERIS

Oh, now’s a great time to start.

(They walk outside, away from the others.)

OLIVIA

So I read about you to-day.

ERIS

Yeah, I heard about that. Should I be worried?

OLIVIA

(Eyes laughing)

Oh, not even slightly.

ERIS

I’m still worried.

OLIVIA

I didn’t read about you, silly goose. Just someone with your name. Hm…let’s see if I can remember this….

(Points at ERIS)

Your name is also the name of the pagan goddess of discord.

ERIS

What? Really?

OLIVIA

Eris, goddess of disagreements, sudden ruptures and other such unpleasantries. Sister of Ares, god of war.

ERIS

Quite the resume. Ha.

OLIVIA

Well, Ares was more like the god of bloodshed and slaughter. When there was a great massacre goin’ on, it was Ares ridin’ in his chariot, with Eris right along, screeching encouragement.

ERIS

Sounds like a High on Fire album cover.

OLIVIA

And I have no idea who those people are….Um, anyway, if not for Eris; there would be no Trojan War.

ERIS

Hey. Don’t be blamin’ me for everything, now.

OLIVIA

Eris cast out an apple because she wasn’t invited to some party or something. The apple was golden and engraved. It said ‘To the Fairest’. All the girl gods thought it was meant for her, see? So there was huge drama at the god-party. Total meltdown. And I forget what happened later, but someone stole someone else’s girlfriend, there was this really abusive father, and eventually, bang! Trojan War.

ERIS

Whenever you say Trojan War, I immediately think about condoms with light sabres. Glow-in-the-dark condoms.

OLIVIA

(Laughs)

That’s why I like you. You’re always so funny.

ERIS

(Stretches)

I aim to please.

(Points at OLIVIA.)

Bang.

OLIVIA

So anyway, I wrote a response paper in English class sayin’ that Eris wasn’t really a bad person. I mean, I’d be pretty sore too, if I got dis-invited to god-prom or something. You know? Like without Eris, there’s be no Iliad, or Odyssey, or any of that. You know? So even though it was a bad thing, good things came out of it. And anyway, you’re not like the Eris of myth and legend, at all. Not even close.

ERIS

That’s a relief.

(Wipes brow jokily)

Whew. You’re just joking, right? Um, random change of subject. What’s wrong with Skylar? Have you the faintest inkling?

OLIVIA

Nopers. And I like the way you dress, and I wish I could be more like you, and, and, and, honestly. I have a confession to make. Actually, it’s a confession and then a statement.

(Pause)

And I’m afraid if I say them, it’ll totally super-ruin everything.

ERIS

Olivia, it’s okay. I’ve been like, smoking all day. Nothing fazes me.

(To audience)

Oh lord. Why. Please kill me now, please?

OLIVIA

(A bundle of nerves)

Okay, here’s the question.

ERIS

Go.

OLIVIA

Do you believe in Jesus?

ERIS

(To audience)

Go ahead. Slit my wrists.

(Holds out arms, ever-so forlorn)

OLIVIA

Why would I want to do that?

ERIS

(Realising she has been overheard)

Chilly, night, isn’t it?

OLIVIA

I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, that, I…..after my party, I ….my mom says, ‘you know your friend Eris? She looks like the sort of girl who has a lot of friends, but no real friends, and she needs Jesus.’ I had my marching orders then. I’m so, so, so sorry.

ERIS

(To herself, quietly)

Hits you like a bong-hit from hell…

OLIVIA

Heh-hehn.

(Smiles weakly)

ERIS

(Regaining composure)

Dost thou believeth, Miss Olivia?

OLIVIA

That’s the thing; I’m not so sure myself these days.

ERIS

And what’s this statement you referred to earlier?

OLIVIA

Um, I think I like you.

ERIS

Like-like? Or like-‘like’?

OLIVIA

I’m not so sure myself these days. That’s the thing.

ERIS

Oh sweet Christ. Um, what do you think you wanna do about it?

OLIVIA

That’s the trick. I have no idea. I mean, I just know you’re a good girl to like. I mean, I know how good and sweet and cool and kind you are. You’re not like anyone else.

(Gasps)

I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.

(Bravely fights tears)

ERIS

Aw, crap, don’t cry. Don’t cry. I hate the sound of people crying. Especially female crying. I hate the sound of myself crying.

OLIVIA

(Quietly)

I bet you totally hate me now.

(Rubs arms as if suddenly very cold)

I hate me. I wish I was dead. I’m sure people like me have a separate area in the cemetery that no-one visits.

ERIS

I-oh, oh god, oh god, oh god. This has just blown me away like sticks in a tsunami. Okay. If you were a boy, I would-wow-I just don’t know " I think we should get like really stoned and see how we feel about it to-morrow? I mean, it's not everyday I get told about Jesus. And crush-confessed to. By a person of the same gender. On the same day. 

OLIVIA

What?

ERIS

Oh Christ, it’s um, like, um, I feel, I’ve felt the same way about like, people. Lots of people.

OLIVIA

People?

ERIS

Yeah. Lots of people.

OLIVIA

Menfolk and girlfolk included?

ERIS

Yeah, that too. Okay. Listen to me. It feels super-intense, like a mad bong hit, right? It feels like you’re in the worst part of heaven, or the sweetest part of hell.

(Voice becomes serious)

But actually it just fades. Give it like six weeks. Six weeks. Maximum.

(OLIVIA starts to walk away, slowly.)

OLIVIA

(Speaking over her shoulder)

But I adore you. I want to be you. I wish, I wish, I had everything you have. I mean when other people feel sad, you feel sad. And I think that’s awesome. So totally awesome.

(Shakes head slowly)

I’m sorry, I ruin everything.

(OLIVIA hurries away)

ERIS

(calling after)

But we got cheese fries, I think. And I’m sure there’s some Blue Raspberry Jolly Good. Really.

Or you could just leave. I guess.

(To audience)

Seriously, what the f**k just happened? I need vodka. Cheap vodka. From like Belarus or Uzbekistan or something. Made from like furniture polish. Yeah. A drink that tastes like sleep. That would be amazing. Indeed. My aching head. Oh, my aching brain. I need…ah…..what does it matter? And I still have no clue.

(she walks back to where the others are, with the inherent loud music, volume increasing)

STIM

(on floor, jerks up head suddenly, gopher-like)

The phone’s ringing. Someone’s.

HALICUT

Where’s Olivia?

(drowsily)

I don’t hear no ringing.

STIM

It’s on vibrate. I can sense it. It feels different from other vibrations.

HALICUT

Yeah. What did you do to Olivia? Damn-it, Eris, you always, like…..

(notices a fly on the wall)

It must be cool to have sticky feet. Hehn. Stupid gay gravity.

ERIS

She had like a dentist’s or veterinarian’s appointment for her goldfish or something….wait, what am I sitting on?

(she picks up phone from seat cushions)

This is….?

NORA

Veterinarian? I don’t see why his religion should matter.

(she collapses in helpless laughter)

ERIS

Everyone, please just shut up. I need another cigarette.

STIM

Smoke it good, babydoll.

(ERIS walks away)

ERIS

Hullo?

(deepens voice)

Yeah. It’s Cassidy.

(she sits down, music stops)

Yep, it’s me.

(she listens for a while, and slowly puts the phone in her pocket.)

(to audience)

That must have been Skylar’s father or uncle or grandfather. Or some male relation.

(she stands, no longer having any part of the action around her)

She’s dead. Skylar’s mother is dead. I think we might have met like once, but I don’t remember.

(laughs weakly, suddenly becoming deathly serious)

The voice, whoever it was, on the other end, was so…angry.

(hangs head down)

Lord…haven’t heard such a quiet cool rage since…..wow.

(head up)

She’d been sick. Sick for quite some time. Sick. Poor health is the worst sort of drama. No-one ever actually gets better, see? It’s all just temporary. The voice on the other end was so harsh….

(quoting in a ghostly tone)

“Don’t even bother coming to the funeral, you little s**t. “

(normal voice)

That’s what the voice said. So angry.

(sits down)

Skylar….I wonder why Skylar never visited or talked about….. I mean, you only get one mother. Only one. It gets you to thinking. Don’t even bother coming to the…..wow. I must be missing like more than half of that particular story. Really.

(she stands, tilts head to the side slightly)

And I understand. Why I do all of this. Smoke, drink, Christ, what-have-you…lord, it’s so obvious. But I surround myself with so many f*****g distractions, that….Christ.

(sudden erect posture, almost military)

You know. Skylar’s pretty damn lucky, sort-of. I mean, they let me go to my ma’s funeral.

(gradually slumping)

All they all smiled. And hugged me.

(sinking to floor, hugging self)

Kissed the tears from my cheeks and told me all about god’s pure love.

Secretly of course, they all hated me. They all blamed me. Which is really ironic, considering that on the day of funeral, I had been mostly clean from the whole heroin situation for going on a full month. That was really an uphill climb, and the thanks I get for it is- no. I can’t think like that anymore. I just can’t.

(sinks to ground, still holding self)

And even when you get better, you don’t. You’re never the same, and even when it’s bright, it just feels so fragile. So damn fragile.

(head tilted to side, again)

So, I finally took the drastic and unprecedented step of walking down the hallway and actually knocking on Skylar’s door. Knock and wait. And knock and wait. You know how it is. People must have wondered what was going on, but maybe they were all too stoned. Who knows? The door was unlocked. But the room was empty. Empty. That’s pretty much it.

(ERIS slowly walks to back to the group. Music returns at former volume. At long last, ERIS silently breaks down in tears)

STIM

Man, what’s wrong with her?

(he nudges his shoulder in her direction)

NORA

I have no idea. Maybe it’s to do with Olivia. Or Jake. Or something.

HALICUT

Where did Olivia run away to?

(looks at ERIS)

Man, total f*****g buzzkill.

(Music blares to painful levels. Lights slowly fade.)

CURTAIN