Love Again, Feel Better

Cause the possibility that you would ever feel the same way about me, just too much, just too much. Why do I keep running from the truth? All I ever think about is you.

Did you ever think that keeping cool has its flaws?

Freaking out, throwing a tantrum,

Could catalyze the reaction,

Leading there. You know.

I have no reason to freak. 

And every reason to thank.

To work.

To give praise.

I was never on a cross. 

Not even close.

I realize humans aren't perfect. 

But I could be worse than average.

I hope that is not the case.

I hope. 

"Because I never ever, want to slow down."

And,

"Got no hope, now now now now now" (Jacob Hemphill, Never Ever)

And funny how the less important is always weighing on my mind,

I'd even say more than that.

"I'll understand if she just walks right out my door. Keep my love from inside." (...)

Understanding could be the mistake. 

But I'm not ready to give that up.

"Never Ever." (...)

You know what I should be doing right now?

Praying.

Hopefully I am.

Then I'd be doing the right thing with my life.

But when your mind is so heavily weighed with those inside weights,

It's difficult. 

But then again, what is difficult?

Just like the next second.

I've never seen it.

I come up with countless hypotheses'.

But this is one of those things that I just can't see correctly.

And others can.

This is why I am so weak.

In this vitally human sense.

I'm done. 

I don't know if not many people think about this or what. 

Like how stupid could I be? Or am I?

Thinking and writing about these things that mean nothing.

Things that people take absolutely for granted. Like the air we breathe. Hey, 

I breathe it too.

I hope it doesn't mean nothing in the long run.

No, it's not bashed in reality. 

Well, it is.

But also it is respected.  

But that is one in a million.

And there's no way to figure out how. 

One of the scariest things.

Not afraid. 

But terrified of the things behind the forty grand.

I love you. All of you. Especially you. 

This is the time where I can.

And I don't.

I'm still hanging on.

It's fear.

And hope.

Faith.

The thing most transparent becomes the most concrete. 

When it all comes down. In my head.

Trust me, I got it good.

In both ways.

Got it good. 

Never bad.

Never ever have I seen it.

My definition of bad. 

Every day's like every other.

Those Prison Blues.

I think I've established that.

So everything I say, might be invalid.

Leaning towards probably.

But, I say it anyway, for that faith.

Just in case.

Ever since I was born.

I can't imagine myself in real trouble.

But enough of that. 

That's not really the point here.

If I can be that selfish.

Expression selfish.

Because I should freak out.

Maybe I should try,

If I want to get outside.

You think you're doing good.

Finally found your level.

And they go talking, and you cant hear it.

Deaf to that kind of noise.

That language that others speak.

And I don't speak.

At good times.

So many mistakes before. 

So many negatives added to real seriousness.

But still.

There's that possibility of productivity.

I have that faith.

For sure.

But emotions are tricky.

Honestly, I just want something simple.

But I want a lot of things.

Makes me laugh, 

Triviality at its finest.

But something's definitely real there.

I don't want what they want. 

Some things not at all, some things not right now.

I have to try.

Cause I realize I'm not forbidden.

A culture, a second-nature.

A relative ease.

I'm a surfer of the realms.

And I need a finalized education.

One size fits all.

I don't need you. 

At least my laughable, possibly paradoxical, feeble mind doesn't think so.

But it might help. 

It might get me higher.

Everything higher.

Maybe I'm being saved.

And this is why I can't complain.

But its so beautiful.

And they are beautiful.

The ones that stick out,

Like thorns.

Wow. I mean feeling is living.

I didn't think about that.

I want to say sense isn't necessary here.

Or maybe everywhere.

But it might be. 

It probably is-be.

I don't care, but I care greatly.

I see this again and again.

Just like I see her face.

Then she blinks and I blink.

And then I smile a goofy smile.

And I sing, "We will never do what they have done." (... Mentality)

Under Your sun. (...cited)

Canyon of self, I don't think it's subconscious.

Am I losing my mind? Or just gaining it?

I put quite a bit of confidence in the latter.

"And in the morning, I'm alright alone. Without you." (...Losing My Mind, non-acoustic)

That one day. 

I kind of hope she stands.

And climbs the mountain.

Because I'll probably stay low.

Maybe I'll climb. but I hope she does.

And I discover. 

And progress.

Completing.

Validating.

My,

Hypothesis.

And there's one I see now.

I want you to know.

Same light rays.

I'm not this, I'm not that. I don't have this.

But kind of glad I'm not.

Hope you see.

Really.

I thought more.

Beautiful.

Beautiful motivation.

Self, like not many others.

Passions of possibilities.

What I consciously think has driven my life for many a time.

Rest of my life.

Identity is made here. Right here.

And I'm glad.

Identity had to come up.

She gives me no words.

She gives me no stopping.

now, now, now, now, now.

We both fall under.

Those same light rays.

Thank you.

Lord. 

Love.

Brilliant.

Inexplicably.

Please help me.

Even though I don't need it.

Help others first.

But those peripherals.

I don't know.

It's brilliant.

I love it.

I love you.

I can't get far from it.

Incomparably elite.

Loving, Sharing.

One word.

You know.

You feel me.

You gave it to me.

Extraordinary. But extra's not enough.

I think I should feel it.

Author's Note

Cause the possibility that you would ever feel the same way about me, just too much, just too much. Why do I keep running from the truth? All I ever think about is you.