A Chapter by xFlightlessBird

It was in fifth-grade when I sat alone at lunch and everyone was staring me. I ate my lunch in silence in the midst of the laughing and pointing of fingers--at me.

I had never been so humiliated in my entire life.

During P.E , someone had somehow gained access to my gym bag which I carried every time to the gymhall when we had P.E. I had to run all over the school looking for my school uniform and eventually I found it in the trash can near the teacher' parking area. I ran all the way to the girls' toilets, rinsed my uniform of the stinking bleach and dried it with the automatic dryer.

My navy-blue skirt had patches of purplish-white and so did my cardigan and my tie.

That day I faced sneers , insults and just plain humiliation from my peers. It was heart wrenching.

After lunch I slowly walked to the toilets where I was tormented again by writings on the wall --and not the biblical kind--but the I-spent-so-much-time-studying-your-life-that-I-thought-it-would-be-funny-to-write-awful-things-about-you kind. I couldn't understand how children my age could be so mean. I spent the whole day in there crying and wondering what I had done to deserve the cruel treatment I was getting. The worst part was that these things weren't done by certain individuals but by the whole grade, I believed.

Throughout my elementary school years I was treated like vermin. Until in high school this girl, Neeyah, who was the most popular girl and prettiest girl in school ,made me her friend because she thought I was cool to hang-out with. After that I was able to fully reap the fruits of the privileged and the aristocratic in our school.

During these years of my high school career I remained fully oblivious to what was going on around me. Mainly because I never wanted to see what was really going on. I didn't care about the next kid who was bullied because of her hair or the other who was crucified for not being "cool enough" .I had made myself believe that I had once been there so I shouldn't have to care about those who were. I spent everyday of those years trying to get more people to like me than actually thinking about the more important things like good grades.

Sky was my boyfriend then. He was one of the most popular boys in his school--and area-- and he was a senior. Every morning he drove me to school and everyone thought that it was beyond cool that I was dating someone older than me. I didn't like him very much but I didn't care because he was elevating my social status. I made sure that we always hung out in public areas , like the mall, so people would always see ME with him. We never spoke much and I always wondered why he was into me.

I was getting so popular that Neeyah eventually got jealous and told me that I had become a horrible person. That didn't hurt my feelings because I had my faux friends to party and go to the mall with. I had become this superficial and self-centred person who thought that she was greater than everyone else. Amazingly , everyone seemed to want to be with this person. My queendom was thriving.

My former best friend , Jake , wanted nothing to do with me. Jake and I had known each other for 10 years and we were the best of friends for those 10 years. We were inseparable. He came to my house one night. He stood in the door way and told me that I needed to find myself and who I was. He told me how superficial I was and that he missed his best friend. Of course , I was too snobbish to admit what I had become ,so ,with all the power words hold I made sure that night that I used it to it's maximum. After that I had broken him and we never talked.

A queen trampling over the souls of the weak and unable to build a mighty throne. I had become a tyrant.

I lay in bed that night trying to provide reasons why I deserved to rule the world but also thought about all my friends who had been with me when I once was the misfit in the crowd , how I'd dismissed them from my life.

I had to change.

On the opening day of the new school term I decided that I was dethroning myself. I was still with my head in the clouds. I thought that things would be easy and people would forget about all I'd said and all I'd done. I realised how much damage I had done. Damage that I wouldn't be able to fix no matter how much I tried.

I started apologising to those I had hurt one by one and stopped attending the coolest parties and stopped hosting parties. Because these were the ultimate social gatherings for the snobbish , obnoxious and the I-won't-talk-to-you-because-you're-lower-class or the you're-not-one-of-us type.

I broke up with Sky because 1. He was finishing school that year and 2. I really didn't like him and I thought it was unfair that 3. I was using him as a pawn to become popular.

Through this process of regaining who I was I realised that I had been a total b***h to my mother because I would never listen to her. Our relationship was tearing at the seams and I needed to stitch them quick before they actually tore. My mom forgave me quicker than everyone else but she told me that I'd have to prove that I had changed.

With all this some people didn't forgive me. There were people who still held grudges against me and I was determined to wipe the slate clean.

This was taking and is still taking it's toll on me...

© 2014 xFlightlessBird

Author's Note

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Added on December 22, 2014
Last Updated on December 23, 2014
Tags: Bullying, sadness, rise and fall, popular, girl, teens



South Africa

Aspiring writer with the hopes of having a published book one day. Searching for the Great Perhaps more..

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A Chapter by xFlightlessBird