Pickings

Pickings

A Poem by Bexfinch
"

A look at the loss of innocence or ones virginity in something forcefully. Not dark but metaphorical

"

 

Picked off the vine

In its prime

Juices run deep within the surface

Teaming with the sugar of want

Poisoning the governors coffee

Corrupting the heart of the flightless bird

Deep woods penetrating the Earth’s virgin dirt

New and refined

Clumped and Dark

She cries out in fear shaking

Opening her bosom

He takes her under

The waters swirling, frothy, angry

Baptismal waters littered in blood and refuse

The angels white robes are dirtied with blood

She is mute

© 2013 Bexfinch


Advertise Here
Want to advertise here? Get started for as little as $5

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Not bad, but some of your imagery is rather heavily loaded, and your topic is such a touchy one that it is a little difficult for this to be seen as anything but dark. This is well-written, however, and I think the change of pace and tone with the last line is a very nice touch. Well done.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bexfinch

7 Years Ago

your right, I geuss it is a bit dark lol :3thanks



Reviews

Intriguing imagery but the line "Deep woods... hm I feel it could be refined. This seems dark instead of welcoming. It feels volatile and frightening. If your desire is to portray a seductive innocence that can come from sex and its first experience I feel this is more of a portrayal of innocence stolen...taken...and the frightful traumatic reality of what it does to ones heart and soul. That isn't a bad thing just my thoughts of what I feel when I read this. Its quite "in your face" quality brings up vivid imagery for me.

Posted 7 Years Ago


I like the tone change of the last line. Also, the dark spin of this poem was masterful and I commend you, as not everyone would be able to pull it off as you did. I like the idea of corruption and loss of innocence you were able to incorporate very well. Overall a great write. Well penned, my friend.

I also love the picture! :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


I can see the corruption of innocence here and the darker side of sex. Well written and thought provoking.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Not bad, but some of your imagery is rather heavily loaded, and your topic is such a touchy one that it is a little difficult for this to be seen as anything but dark. This is well-written, however, and I think the change of pace and tone with the last line is a very nice touch. Well done.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bexfinch

7 Years Ago

your right, I geuss it is a bit dark lol :3thanks

Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

466 Views
4 Reviews
Rating
Added on March 12, 2013
Last Updated on March 12, 2013
Tags: strawberry, loss, of, innocence, cool, read for read, review, please, girls, love, earth, people, things, him, breakup

Author

Bexfinch
Bexfinch

Jacksonville, FL



About
I felt a need to clean up my profile after having it for three years Name:A title a person gave to me before I was consciense Age: Old enough to write Occupation: Learning as much as I can as.. more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..