Alone on Christmas.

I walk down an empty street.
I have no shoes upon my feet,
My clothes are old and ragged,
My hair is snarled and matted,
I have nowhere to stay
On this dark and oh so lonely day.
I don't like this one bit,
But maybe I deserved it.
I walk back home with too many thoughts
Here is my house, a cardboard box.
It rains, so I find a store a block away.

I passed a kid on her bike on the way
I pull on doors, and in place they stay.
A find a sign that reads "Closed for the holiday"
I sit alone by the front door.
My house in ruins as rain begins to pour.
I curl up tightly in a ball on the ground
I fall asleep to a peaceful sound
It's rain's soft patter from the grey sky
And it wets the where I lay. Broken, I cry.

Author's Note

My Mama is going to kick me out this March and I started to freak out about it, so I wrote this to keep from losing it...

Reviews

[Keli Renee]

This is good. There are some places where an extra word or twwo disrupted the flow, but its nothing major. Good write.

[Jamie S.]

Wow...your poetry gets better with each one you write but your stories keep getting sadder! I still say you have soo much talent in you for the few years youve been on this earth. This is a wonderful poem with great visuals, you are getting better at showing instead of telling which we all struggle with ;) oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[J]

This is so sad.It's so well written and expressed

[Ellen Hammond]

An intense story of a sad life. Well written and thought out. There was just one little thing that detracted a tiny bit from it as I read:
"A find a sign..." I think you meant "I find a sign..."

Other than that your poem is great and very thought provoking.

[AbsentElements]

Very nice way to let out your feelings. Good rhyming scheme too. I like how you base it around a holiday, the time of year everyone needs someone to be with. Sad story behind it all, I hope it works out for you.

[ebur™]

Although you changed it slightly, I couldn't critique it any different. It is still good, and with the few changes made, I'd say you improved it just a bit :) Good job once again

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Mimi,

This is an extremely powerful poem. You have painted so clearly the dark, hopelessness of someone alone and homeless during the holiday season. This person's life is so bleak. Rain mimics the soul, here, lost and broken. It mimics the tears shed over an unhappy and empty life. Through your words we feel the agony and suffering of this poor unfortunate.

A very nice write.

Best regards,

Rick

[ebur™]

I could really imagine this scene playing through my head. It was sad, and the description you gave was good 'old and ratted' 'snarled and matted'. I liked that. And your rhyming scheme was good. Great poem over all with alot of meaning, I felt, behind it.

[Cassandra D.]

Wow...So many things going on in your mind for such a young person.
This was a very emotional poem. I'm pretty sure I know what you're going through because that has happened a few times with my cousins.
I wish you the best.