Unbreakable

Inspired by watching palm trees during a hurricane

I watch the palm trees 

In the storm 

As the wind whips them

Back and forth 

They're jerked at all angles 

But never break 

They just snap back up 

And stand up straight

I wish that I could 

Be like those trees 

So...

Unbreakable

Author's Note

Feedback?

Reviews

[Nolo Segundo]

Well, the secret is not just that they bend with the wind, but for a moment they become at one with the wind [something all mystics do with God].

[Lauren]

Wow, i love this poem! Great imagery and flow, the ending is perfect!:)

[Marcus Sergiu David]

Simple, fitting words. I love this analogy. Maybe you could add another word after that "so", but that just personal opinion. Maybe something like
"So painfully...
Unbreakable"
That is just my personal opinion, of course :)

[Timothy Ryan]

There's both good things and things to work on with this poem. The good in this is the point at the end. There's a lot of poems that ramble on with big words and exaggerated emotions, but have no meaning or point to them. The good news is that you're already a step ahead of those people. For me, this poem was way too brief. There could have been so much more added to it. Like what are the winds in your life? What bends you to the point of almost breaking? Like I said, the message was good, but if you gave more of yourself in the lines, it could be even better.

[beautiful dreamer]

okay so the last line is missing something i feel. i read it in couplets (Which im a hug fan of) but the last line is missing its second couplet and it kinda breaks the pattern. which in a way could work since by saying you wish you were unbreakable you are implying that you are broken. but at the same time this is a story about not being broken. maybe consider this? PS. this is all preference and i am by no means saying you have to change it, just a suggestion.

"I wish that I could
Be like those trees
Unbreakable
I wish that was me"

[Green]

No, I appreciate the review. I've been working on this one for a while. It's not quite where I want it to be yet, but I haven't figured out exactly the change I want to make yet. Thanks for your feedback :)

[beautiful dreamer]

you're very welcome, sorry it took me so long to read it!

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

This poems perfect wonderful imagery and description of the palm trees I lived in a country where this would happen every year in storm season I'd imagine them all dancing to cheer up the wet locals but I like your interpretation much better very poetic!

[D.J. Anderson]

I like this. Simple, yet descriptive and to the point. Great type of poetry here. Thank you for sharing!

[Dillon "Gerald" Steele]

This poem is so powerful and so amazing it just is so descriptive, its such a great comparison, if you were to take the palm trees place you would want to be unbreakable even throughout the roughest storms. This is one of my favorite poems so far, simple but beautiful.

[Mehak Mushtaq]

Very beautiful.. Thank you so much for sharing.

[Sarahthirk]

This is beautiful. It just reminds me of how even in the toughest of times and in the toughest circumstances, you can survive and come out just fine. Great job. :))