Swirling Leaves

From a prompt

The music screams into her ears

Drowning out any thoughts she might have had

hiding in her head

It was autumn

And it was beautiful

With the leaves swirling around

A multicolored chaos against her green hoodie

But today, the sun was hiding

And the wind was blowing

And it was very cold

But the music sang a different tune

And all she could bother wondering about

Was what it would feel like to have

Leaves in her hair

Author's Note

What do you think?

Reviews

[Lee Bakes]

Its the peak of summer here and here I am feeling like its autumn! that's exactly the effect this poem had on me :) its such a happy poem as I get from most of your work! always such a lighthearted joy that it exudes! .... And, now I want leaves in my hair too!! :) but alas for the relentless march of summer days :P

[Collyn]

I love the imagery in this poem! I've read this many times over now, and I really like it. I love the contrast of the beginning half of the poem to the end half of the poem. At first, the poem is almost comforting, but toward the end it's a little more depressing, emphasizing the second half, if that makes sense. Good work!

[alf]

Hi Green. Love this. There is not a thing I would change. You have expressed that lethargy of mood with the most simplistic and strident of words!! I wonder what it would feel like, to have leaves in my hair . . . An extremely good write, alf

[Steven]

I feel there is something here.. Some of the word choices might be traded out for better ones. For example "hiding." If the music drowns them out, how are they otherwise hiding? They seem already subdued without the blaring music. So perhaps "Clamoring." Something like that. You get the idea. Other instances you can find for yourself if you want.

I like the notion of being hooded and unwilling to "un-hood" so to speak, even though the result (leaves in hair) is desirable. Speaks well to the inertia we are all at times guilty of.

Overall, decent, imo.

[Green]

Well thank you for taking the time to comment

[jjwilbourne]

I like the idea of the music. Is this the sound of the wind and crunch of the leaves?
I didnt really get the last line.
Great work.

[Stephen]

This is a beautiful poem. I like your style and the message that you bring through your writing.

[Delmar Cooper]

I think it is direct and to the point and well done. Unaffected is the term I'm looking for.

[Jimmy Yetts]

Charming, Green.
A delightful offering!

[Lauren]

This is so pretty! I love the imagery. It reminds me of days when I was still in public school and it was cold out and how I had my headphones in and was just in my own world. It makes me kind of nostalgic. Haha. I love it!

(PS. I was looking at your profile and we live really close to each other! Crazy.)