Trust Issues

I want to tell you

I’ve got it all planned 

I’ve run it through in my head

So many times by now

But I sit there

Unable

 

In my mind it’s all playing out 

But between us just

Silence

 

You grow impatient

You don’t understand

My body grows hotter

I panic

But I just can’t explain

 

I’d really like you to know it all.

The longer I wait

The worse the moment gets 

And then it’s like shutting down

My brain is protecting me

Or at least, I think it’s trying to

And I can’t force the words out

 

It's a trust issue

But it always just feels like

loss

Author's Note

Done a little editing and I think I like it better now. Feedback?

Reviews

[Franky]

Well done! This write seems (to me at least), to be like a car starting and reving up to 60 mph. The pressure, stress....or whatever kept building. I like that!

[Insight "MH"]

The last two lines seem fine to me, but in the end, it all comes to what the original writer gut feeling tells her/him to do. I sometimes do-over some lines for old poems, cause I learn by time new things and have new perspectives which help me to tweak whole lines or just a specific word. All in all, good job on writing a lovely emotional poem.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I think the last two lines are a kicker. I was so absorbed in this poem because I felt I was reading me.
After my first divorce it took me 20 years to trust again...Every time someone got close to me, and it was time to take the next step, I pushed that person away...it was my loss.
I like the idea of the body growing hotter, but really meaning not in a physical attraction sense, but more in an antsy sense of feeling that fire that makes us run.
I feel this is relatable and very well done.
j.

[John the Baptist]

The pain of a deep loss in youth can indeed spawn trust issues. Sometimes they cause wrong choices in future relationships, sometimes they cause no relationships at all. The feeling mind doesn't like pain; it will go to great lengths to prevent it, even if the results are counterproductive.