Ode To Wayne F. Marentette

 

When I lost my identity,

Somewhere back in life

I met a man, who taught me

A complete view of life

“The universe was Designed and Created

 To Stimulate and Awaken the Creator Within.”

He showed me the science of impression

And somehow he knew where I had been.

He told me

“Everyone is trying to be at peace with their conscience”

This seemed to be true and quite void of nonsense.

 

As I stripped away the layers

Of self created identity

All my expectations of

Fame and prosperity

Disappointments within my self

Misconceptions and illusions

All came off the shelf

Voices that argue with the One

Who knows all things silently

Trying to reach the pure child

The core being inside of me

Void of impression

Or judgment or fear

Being true and free

In conscience for years

 

All I have learned,

I try to express

It may not be perfect

But I’ll do my best

To influence the world

To awaken to the light

When we live in conscience

We know what is right

And recognize each soul

Is on the path of evolution

God encompassing the whole

Is the only solution.

Reviews

[Alexa Tarvid]

"Life" used twice in the 2nd and 4th line- redundant

"It may not be perfect / But I’ll do my best" -These lines are not needed and come off as tacky.

"This seemed to be true and quite void of nonsense." - If you didn't find it true, you would not have let it influence you. It is unnecassary to state it. Allow the reader to make the connection.

"As I stripped away the layers / Of self created identity" -Did you create them or had your environment? By strip did you peel or rip like a bad bandaid? Concrete images help a reader relate the untouchable to what they know. Even obscure metaphors, when interpreted, lend a hand to the ungraspable.

"All came off the shelf" - How did it come off the shelf? The thoughts you are describing are almost engrained into us. You set yourself up for a great opportunity to create a concrete image.
--Did you reach that "pure child"? If so, what did that change? Did it work? Does it truly exst? Why do you wish to influence people like this man has influenced you?
--This poem has SO MUCH within it. It might be an intriguing read to make this a set of poems. The first stanza alone is very intriguing and could easily be filled with defining details and honoring points. Just a thought.

My favorite lines: "When I lost my identity, / Somewhere back in life / I met a man"
--Overall, interesting read. He sounds like a man that deserves numerous poems, and this one is worthy.

[lackluster]

I thought it was very moving, until the very last two lines. That the "only" solution...? :)
I think this is amazing though.
Impressed!

[kermit]

Thanks for the poemGreg.. I also studied with wayne marentette in the early 80's and aften return to thinking about his esoteric teachings. Very happy to have read your poem! Regards, Kermit re --a@t-- internoodle.com

[JC]

Excellant flow. I normally do not perfer prose over rhyme, I found this to be subtle and quite soothing. I would almost go to say delicate.

My favorite lines:
As I stripped away the layers
Of self created identity

Kudos

JC

[JohnWinston]

this is just to good, I'm speechless!

[EmpressPoetess]

You're doing a fine job of sharing what you've learned, and you express it eloquently in your words. I really enjoyed reading this! Please keep it up!

[Belator Books]

Though the rhyme scheme is a bit choppy (at least when spoken out loud while reading), it is clear this person influenced you a great deal.

[Bud]

This is well written, Greg. I enjoyed reading it. It made me think about creation and the way that people build themselves a mask to conceal the real person...trying to be something other than themselves.

"As I stripped away the layers
Of self created identity
All my expectations of
Fame and prosperity
Disappointments within my self
Misconceptions and illusions"

I was partial to these lines. Keep up the Excellent works of art, Greg!

[QuietPoet]

This was interesting and I enjoyed it. Very nicely done.

[deeps]

I really enjoyed this write alot especially

Trying to reach the pure child
The core being inside of me
Void of impression
Or judgment or fear
Being true and freeIn conscience for years

These lines here i could really feel the streength and weakness
that makes us this person well written write here.