Millenium Reunion

Excerpt of a story that's been floating around in my head for over a decade. Being that it hearkens back to my teen years, heavy video game and anime influence

Although Allistor had only seen the immense and supposedly impregnable Ravenwreathe Fortress from outside of its massive walls, he navigated its unwelcoming grey granite halls swiftly and skillfully as though he had lived there all 17 of his years in this world. He lived the life of a thief and a rogue well. He enjoyed the thought that he was something of a Dandirion the Blue Bard of the second age. He could hear the grizzled yells and clanking platemail fade away slowly behind him. He could do this for hours, he had had to a few times before within the winding and intricate streets of the Kiaris Bazaars and never had been apprehended. He found himself wondering if Byrin and his party had found their way out unscathed. They were Dwarves, and tempermental ones at that even for Dwarves. Doubtful they escaped without a skirmish or two. 

The resistance had just recently grown trustful enough of the half-elf boy to consider utilizing his talents that the great great majority of their race lack. Every occassion that the elders would nominate Allistor, Byrin would protest in his loud, belligerent manner. Byrin was probably his closest companion he's had. The middle-aged, black-bearded Dwarf was very fond of Allistor. A large, looming doorway tall as five men stack on top of eachother presented itself in the distance beyond the flickering torchlight of the hallway. Two Diamondeers each stood at attention, pikes of steel and bronze firmly in their grasp. They hadn't caught sight of Allistor yet. he concealed his lithe body behind a large sconce about fifty feet from the doorway. 

Reviews

[David Jae]

This has a lot of potential. I like your protagonist and the world you create.

It is a little heavy on exposition, though. Something's are better covered through dialogue or interior monologue, such as the fact that the resistance now trusts him. Covering this through dialogue will let the reader draw their own conclusions and allow you to establish more details about your characters.

This is a strong start, though...