Will-o-the-Whispered Love Notes

Will-o-the-Whispered Love Notes

A Poem by GunMetal
"

I just really wanted to write a love story about ghosts at an abandoned carnival.

"
Somewhere in the landscape of forgotten memories
stands a place so empty
not even sound can move through it
without hesitating around corners.

Ticket booths and hot dog stands
all bleak as post-mortem monuments.
Effigies to Once Wonderful, and Filled with Color.

We stand transparent beneath a webbed attraction
next to a grinning mannequin promising altitude
for only $5
But we must be this tall to ride.

We weren’t afraid when the tracks collapsed.
We fell for each other.

Your moon-glow changes color to whatever you pass in front of.
Aubergine, Celeste, Chartreuse, Cordovan.
Electric crimson.
Anti-flash white.
Instruments and carnival lights flicker to life
when touched by your energy.

You’re like virga and petrichor.
I’m the luckiest ghost alive.

Isn’t this how you always imagined it?
Flowers of all kind and color,
Friends and family sharing stories of our life
before each other.

While we were dressed in autumn shades of fog.
They prayed for us, and wept for us
staged our departure in black veils.
Morning sage.
Shoulder heavy.
While we stood on each other’s tombstones
and exchanged vows.

I promise you that my heart never stopped.
You made it skip every single beat.

People still come here, ghost hunting.
We look forward to it.
There are still attractions here.
Ethereal whispers of nothings.

We haunt everything before the sunrise.

© 2012 GunMetal


Author's Note

GunMetal
I've been experimenting with fiction recently.

My Review

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Featured Review

I just love your style so much, maybe its because its refreshing and out of the norm of what I normally read on here, but whatever element you've got I'm hooked. Your words are divine, I feel like a spectator to the events going on. This just made my day that much better, I find it refreshingly brilliant. Keep writing with your awesome ways :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I just love your style so much, maybe its because its refreshing and out of the norm of what I normally read on here, but whatever element you've got I'm hooked. Your words are divine, I feel like a spectator to the events going on. This just made my day that much better, I find it refreshingly brilliant. Keep writing with your awesome ways :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

this was a really good idea, and it was executed brilliantly....
My favorite lines were :

"...Isn’t this how you always imagined it?
Flowers of all kind and color,
Friends and family sharing stories of our life
before each other.

While we were dressed in autumn shades of fog.
They prayed for us, and wept for us
staged our departure in black veils.
Morning sage.
Shoulder heavy.
While we stood on each other’s tombstones
and exchanged vows..."

i absolutely loved it!

Gotta shelve it! :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


Dang. Definitely my cup of tea. This is really something refreshing to read from you, but nevertheless still had that internal zing that says, "hey the top hat guy wrote this". It's important for writers to keep up with their own literary identity or style for that matter. If it was a narrative or a micro fic, the first 2 stanzas are an awesome kick off.My orientation is inclined with narratives and monologues,and I've been reading this on my mind, following a certain rhythm and tempo and it sounded fantastic, but then that was cut off in the 4th stanza. My concern is on the rhythmic continuity. it is also essential in fiction to make it clear from the start as to whose point of view it is, first stanzas are everything in narratives and fiction- it enables the reader to decide whether the rest will sink or float. The pivotal shift on the tone though isn't much to be bothered with, coz the rest of it is a sheer wonder, officially now my fave of yours aside from "Distance". Fiction pieces are a figment of imagination but yet it mirrors our consciousness. "We are ghosts to our own illusions".Fantastic, fantastic.

Posted 9 Years Ago


This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Amelie

9 Years Ago

I can't help but recite poems in my head like I can't resist news articles from newspapers to be rea.. read more
Amelie

9 Years Ago

I dunno what's going on with my comments lately. I've been cut short or it won't appear,it's acting .. read more
I miss those old type carnivals. They were darker and more fun. I like the tale in the poem. Good to have some spirits left to keep alive memories of a different time. i enjoyed the story and the very good ending. Thank you for the outstanding poem.
Coyote

Posted 9 Years Ago



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2091 Views
44 Reviews
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Shelved in 8 Libraries
Added on July 12, 2012
Last Updated on July 12, 2012

Author

GunMetal
GunMetal

Wish You Were Here, Alta Loma, CA



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