Will-o-the-Whispered Love Notes

I just really wanted to write a love story about ghosts at an abandoned carnival.

Somewhere in the landscape of forgotten memories

stands a place so empty

not even sound can move through it

without hesitating around corners.

Ticket booths and hot dog stands

all bleak as post-mortem monuments.

Effigies to Once Wonderful, and Filled with Color.

We stand transparent beneath a webbed attraction

next to a grinning mannequin promising altitude

for only $5

But we must be this tall to ride.

We weren’t afraid when the tracks collapsed.

We fell for each other.

Your moon-glow changes color to whatever you pass in front of.

Aubergine, Celeste, Chartreuse, Cordovan.

Electric crimson.

Anti-flash white.

Instruments and carnival lights flicker to life

when touched by your energy.

You’re like virga and petrichor.

I’m the luckiest ghost alive.

Isn’t this how you always imagined it?

Flowers of all kind and color,

Friends and family sharing stories of our life

before each other.

While we were dressed in autumn shades of fog.

They prayed for us, and wept for us

staged our departure in black veils.

Morning sage.

Shoulder heavy.

While we stood on each other’s tombstones

and exchanged vows.

I promise you that my heart never stopped.

You made it skip every single beat.

People still come here, ghost hunting.

We look forward to it.

There are still attractions here.

Ethereal whispers of nothings.

We haunt everything before the sunrise.

Author's Note

I've been experimenting with fiction recently.

Reviews

[quixotic_rose]

I just love your style so much, maybe its because its refreshing and out of the norm of what I normally read on here, but whatever element you've got I'm hooked. Your words are divine, I feel like a spectator to the events going on. This just made my day that much better, I find it refreshingly brilliant. Keep writing with your awesome ways :)

[Aehr]

this was a really good idea, and it was executed brilliantly....
My favorite lines were :

"...Isn’t this how you always imagined it?
Flowers of all kind and color,
Friends and family sharing stories of our life
before each other.

While we were dressed in autumn shades of fog.
They prayed for us, and wept for us
staged our departure in black veils.
Morning sage.
Shoulder heavy.
While we stood on each other’s tombstones
and exchanged vows..."

i absolutely loved it!

Gotta shelve it! :)

[Amelie]

Dang. Definitely my cup of tea. This is really something refreshing to read from you, but nevertheless still had that internal zing that says, "hey the top hat guy wrote this". It's important for writers to keep up with their own literary identity or style for that matter. If it was a narrative or a micro fic, the first 2 stanzas are an awesome kick off.My orientation is inclined with narratives and monologues,and I've been reading this on my mind, following a certain rhythm and tempo and it sounded fantastic, but then that was cut off in the 4th stanza. My concern is on the rhythmic continuity. it is also essential in fiction to make it clear from the start as to whose point of view it is, first stanzas are everything in narratives and fiction- it enables the reader to decide whether the rest will sink or float. The pivotal shift on the tone though isn't much to be bothered with, coz the rest of it is a sheer wonder, officially now my fave of yours aside from "Distance". Fiction pieces are a figment of imagination but yet it mirrors our consciousness. "We are ghosts to our own illusions".Fantastic, fantastic.

[GunMetal]

I feel the change as well. When I picture this in my head, it doesn't feel, for lack of a better word, wrong. It's like a scene change. Even the soundtrack changes a bit. But I can't really convey all of the other elements that I sense, and, of course me being the writer, it's not entirely up to me how a reader might feel about it. Though I may change it later on, if it stays the way it is in my head, I may attempt a spoken version of this.
Also, this was the second poem I wrote for that April challenge I mentioned to you. It's the second poem I completed in over a year.
Thank you Amelie =)

[Amelie]

I can't help but recite poems in my head like I can't resist news articles from newspapers to be read out in a manner of news casting -one of my silly idiosyncrasies. And no need to fuss about the whole rhythmic continuity thing it's just me messing up on ya lol, this is topnotch dude, I'm shelving it. it's too damn beautifully weaved, tastes too fine as expensive wine. "You’re like virga and petrichor.
I’m the luckiest ghost alive."- made me smile and a little giddy.
You are most welcome GunMetal :) - *feelsweirdlol

[Amelie]

I dunno what's going on with my comments lately. I've been cut short or it won't appear,it's acting silly. time to switch to thinkpad.*trying my best not to kill someone.

[Coyote Poetry]

I miss those old type carnivals. They were darker and more fun. I like the tale in the poem. Good to have some spirits left to keep alive memories of a different time. i enjoyed the story and the very good ending. Thank you for the outstanding poem.
Coyote