Inhaling Confessions

Inhaling Confessions

A Poem by GunMetal
"

Inspired by the way we communicate, and what we never really verbalize to each other.

"

Where is your desperate, Lover?

You left it in cartridges of ink

to be spilled

along with whatever else was

on the table by your bed.

 

You fit crooked in a picture frame of nostalgia

with your arms outstretched like traffic lights.

Stop-and-go affection.

I can feel the presence in your goosebumps.

 

Small talk is a water torture exchange between us.

 

I watch you as you speak to me,

while I listen for body language.

You’ll feel it when I taste your cheek

like matches to tobacco.

 

That is your flavor after all.

You kiss like a cigarette.

I have no idea why you want me this time.

We breathe smoke into each other

until we’re inhaling confessions.

 

At this point you stop and apologize.

You had not meant for this to happen.

Again.

And I neglect to tell you that you don’t need to apologize.

I’m hoping you’re watching me,

my posture telling you,

I know you’re not sorry.

Not really.

 

We are dreadlocked together.
A disaster growing from the scalp of some situation

close enough to touch its thoughts.

We can only love in knots.

Should knots.

Can knots.

Have knots.

Dread knots.

 

Dirty in our metaphor.

Unique in our present participle.

Simile like adjective nouns.

We could be anything.

 

We can speak clearly with our tongues wrapped around each other.

They taste like apologies.

They taste like a brilliant lack of commitment,

with way too much sympathy.

 

I might have loved you forever in a past life.

I might have told you that before.

One of my ghosts might have carved your dead name in a forest.

Maybe we’re haunting something somewhere,

together.

 

We just can't be still for each other.
It's ok.

 

I can tell from your body, Lover,

you misplaced your desperate.

© 2012 GunMetal


Author's Note

GunMetal
"I don’t want to be the best lover you’ve ever had, I just want to be your favorite." -Derrick Brown

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Reviews

Lovely.

Posted 13 Years Ago


cool poem gunmetal. strangers passing throught the night. never communicating right. abhorent apologies sorry means nothing. words must be thought out before saying. words can kill love. great poem. hmmmm not sure the title''''''''think about it

Posted 13 Years Ago


I actually really like the title. Excellent job with this poem. Very thoughtful and 'knowing'. And I loved this part as well:

We are dreadlocked together.
A disaster growing from the scalp of some situation.
Close enough to touch its thoughts
We can only love in knots
Should knots
Can knots
Have knots
Dread knots

Creative. Nice work.

Posted 13 Years Ago


well you have an awesome poem but the title ....well you need to make it more accurate or compatible with the poem's idea

Posted 13 Years Ago


I'm kinda iffy on the title. I like it, but I don't know if it conveys everything it needs to. I think if you are to change it you should use another image from the poem, or a simplified version of what this is about. I really enjoyed this piece! All of the comparisons you make strike a beautiful, fresh note for me. It may need looked over for typos, but other than that I love it. Very well done!

Posted 13 Years Ago


Your poem has a familiar scent on me, and I think most couples would feel relating to it, which is of course, I do understand this feeling. I like the beginning of this poem, it starts just perfectly, "Where is your desperate, Lover?" Some lover doesn't show how desperate he/she is toward the other half, some just doesn't care, and some just doesn't see the problem of it. Then come to lines, "That's your flavour after all. You kiss like a cigarette." I wanted to cry reading these two lines, reminded me of my poem 'Burning Cigarette'

You write perfectly and speak perfectly. I think the title speaks perfectly as it should be. So, my suggestion: Don't change.

Thank you for sharing though.


Posted 13 Years Ago


I’m not going to be any help on changing the title as I think “inhaling confessions” is perfect.
This was a beautiful write and one of my favorite topics for poetry… how we communicate as people and especially as lovers.
I’ll get my little nitpicky-ness out of the way first. I was just a TAD distracted by your use of body language 3 times. The first time was SO brilliant that seeing it again and then again kind of felt like you were copying your own brilliance. Does that make sense?
I loved “kiss like a cigarette” & “stop and go affection”
You have really unique metaphors and you have this amazing flow to your poetry that I’m jealous of.
All in all I think you convey the complicated levels of conversing with your soulmate well.


Posted 13 Years Ago


This is a great poem as usual. I just have only one suggestion. Try to keep simple words in such a poem. The imagery is great and thought provoking. Try not to use big or complicated words that are not used regularly. That way the reader can imagine and tie in all the imagery into one picture and not be distracted to have to wonder what a word means. Hope this helps but it could be that i just need to improve my vocabulary lol.

Posted 13 Years Ago



A waterfall of rich language and striking imagery--
Highly enjoyable read. Excellent!


Posted 13 Years Ago


"Speaking To The Air"?? not sure, I am not really awake enough for suggesting things, but I dug the poem a lot.

Posted 13 Years Ago



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Added on August 6, 2010
Last Updated on May 28, 2012

Author

GunMetal
GunMetal

Wish You Were Here, Alta Loma, CA



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