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Love Note Body Bags

Love Note Body Bags

A Poem by GunMetal
"

Accidental list poem.

"
I was reading Derrick Brown’s poem,
The Rise and Fall of Julius Walker,
it was a good one.
I felt like writing it on all the palm trees in California
and hope that someone would take the time to read it
before the trunks burn away
from the passion of it all.
It made me think about how
some hugs are far more enjoyable
if something gets broken in the process.
I wanted to staple it to my door
so I could feel what it’s like to slam that poem,
and not care about how lame that pun was.
I thought about how
sometimes I’ll play Jack Johnson
to make me feel better
and how hearing him
reminds me how lonely I can get.
Association.
Counter productive.
It made me want to whisper a syringe
into someone’s neck
while crossing my fingers
behind my back.
If talking about politics turns you on
I’m not the right guy for you.
If you prefer body bags
filled with love notes,
we just might have something.
I like watching water boil.
I like the taste of nacho chips
dipped in apple sauce
I like the taste of tongue
from a girl who smokes
and cusses a lot.
Especially, while it’s tied
like a Celtic cross.
I wish my hands didn’t shake
familial tremors.
It makes me nervous about
things that make me nervous,
but I imagine I’m pretty good at
typing through an earthquake.
I could hit on someone
and they’ll laugh
like I made a joke,
but I really do wanna know if you come here often.
I sometimes dream about
swan diving out of a motorcycle accident,
and receiving a perfect score
before disappearing like an eraser.
If misery turns you on
you won’t enjoy my company
but I’ll enjoy yours.
The sweltering heat of loneliness and lust
reminds me of the first time I made love
and how we forgot to remove our socks.
The first time I heard the phrase,
‘catch a break,’
I thought it was something painful.
Same thing for ‘flattered.’
I thought about
how great it would be to meet someone
that I could read Derrick’s piece to,
and who’ll appreciate me
for the un-originality
of reading her someone else’s poem.

© 2012 GunMetal


Author's Note

GunMetal
The Rise and Fall of Julius Walker by Derrick Brown is in a phenomenal book of poetry called Born In The Year Of The Butterfly Knife.

Pick up the book if you're curious. Derrick Brown is just so worth it:
http://writebloody.com/shop/products/born-in-the-year-of-the-butterfly-knife/

My Review

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Featured Review

I don't know where to begin.

I honestly don't.

"If talking about politics turns you on
I’m not the right guy for you.

If you prefer body bags
filled with love notes,
we just might have something."

You are a genius. I heard this in my head while I read it, and it was flawless. It was brilliant. I've not read the book but I did purchase some time ago. Alas, duties call and I haven't found the time to read it. But after this, I think I will. I loved every line of this piece, you don't understand. "But I imagine I'm pretty good at typing through an earthquake."

That is so real. Each line fit so well, simply because it felt like it was coming straight from the mind. A string of thoughts. And lord can I relate to these. I have a similar feeling after reading a book that I thoroughly enjoyed. This itching, silently desperate, need to make it know, how wonderful it was to read the words written by this genius. That goose-bumps-up-my-sleeves feeling, when you close flip the last page and wish that, that brief feeling of euphoria that fitters over your skin could be known by more people. Simply, so that you are not the only one to feel it.

Brilliant job, this is by far my favorite piece.

~Adora


Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

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Mia
I want to say this is great but that doesn't seem to do it justice!

"I could hit on someone
and they’ll laugh
like I made a joke,
but I really do wanna know if you come here often."

I love that! This is honest, cute, quirky, funny and serious. So great. I wish I'd written it...you know when you read something and you're a little jealous and a little mad that your mind couldn’t that. That’s how I feel!



Posted 8 Years Ago


Wow, I am completely enthralled with this piece. I could fall in love with your words. No, scratch that; I did fall in love with your words. They gave the perfect amount of goosebumps that made me...(We won't go there, LOL).

I just became a huge fan. I write my own poetry, but nothing like this. I'm afraid I won't put my work on here now. Doesn't come close to what you have written. I'm just wowed by this. I will sleep well tonight. Thank you for sharing this, truly a wonderful piece.

Posted 8 Years Ago


"It made me want to whisper a syringe into someone's neck."

Loved this morbidity. You tell it like it is. Tons of images jump out and whack me in the face. I enjoyed the palm trees burning, and sock-filled-feet peering at you amongst the love making.

Now all I need to do is read this book, and perhaps I'll appreciate/understand this poem more. Good job man!

Posted 9 Years Ago


Wow this is really great. A lot going on but the I really like your direction. Awesome poetry!! I checked Derrick out btw and yes he is an amazing poet.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Random yet not so... sinister in a way yet equally tense and thrilling...

*It made me want to whisper a syringe
into someone’s neck
while crossing my fingers
behind my back.*

Descriptive beyond compare & I think now I might wanna read that book;)

Posted 9 Years Ago


I don't know where to begin.

I honestly don't.

"If talking about politics turns you on
I’m not the right guy for you.

If you prefer body bags
filled with love notes,
we just might have something."

You are a genius. I heard this in my head while I read it, and it was flawless. It was brilliant. I've not read the book but I did purchase some time ago. Alas, duties call and I haven't found the time to read it. But after this, I think I will. I loved every line of this piece, you don't understand. "But I imagine I'm pretty good at typing through an earthquake."

That is so real. Each line fit so well, simply because it felt like it was coming straight from the mind. A string of thoughts. And lord can I relate to these. I have a similar feeling after reading a book that I thoroughly enjoyed. This itching, silently desperate, need to make it know, how wonderful it was to read the words written by this genius. That goose-bumps-up-my-sleeves feeling, when you close flip the last page and wish that, that brief feeling of euphoria that fitters over your skin could be known by more people. Simply, so that you are not the only one to feel it.

Brilliant job, this is by far my favorite piece.

~Adora


Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I love the title. So far what I can tell by the poems I have read of your's is that you have a very raw and unique writing style, which I like alot.
Keep it up, you really have an amazing gift.

Posted 9 Years Ago


This was a really interesting read . I like it . Keep up the good work (:

Posted 9 Years Ago


Raw honesty at it's best I love it..xx

Posted 9 Years Ago


We should have nerdy children together!! I love your work, and oddly enough this poem reminded me of a bone-in filet I once had. I never knew it existed, but once I had it, it changed my life. And I can still taste every single bite. Thank you for sharing your talent!

Posted 10 Years Ago



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Added on October 28, 2010
Last Updated on May 22, 2012

Author

GunMetal
GunMetal

Wish You Were Here, Alta Loma, CA



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