Sunshine

Sunshine

A Poem by H. A. M.

 

 

Sunshine

 

I stayed in hell thinking

    I could wait it out.

   Stay busy

til it played itself out.

Then the spasm

    next the seizure

      and the lights go out.

Still nothing to write about.

   Until I think about

        my good times on the surface

           in the sun.

How I miss my sunshine.

© 2008 H. A. M.


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Featured Review

this was hard for me to relate too, i got the feel for what you were portraying, but many of your images are a bit overused, which for me often makes me reflect on other, lesser pieces that i have read, and distracts me from your theme. it's not bad, but with more original, personal language it could be better. i hate to critique something so personal if it is written from personal experience, but i think you could personalise this, put a face on the body

Posted 16 Years Ago


12 of 13 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

An interesting poem. I enoyed this. I especially like :
Then the spasm
next the seizure and
then my lights go out.

,,,still nothing to write about.



Posted 16 Years Ago


3 of 4 people found this review constructive.

this is lovely!! i loved it !!
i really hope we find our sunshine and live by it forever!
thank you for sharing , it is absolutely lovely!!

Posted 16 Years Ago


4 of 4 people found this review constructive.

Aww...I really liked your poem.
I could feel the pain yet be hopeful of touching the warmth of the sun again.
love,
jiy

Posted 16 Years Ago


4 of 5 people found this review constructive.

I hope you find your sunshine and banish the dark for a long time...I daren't say forever. This is a strong write, and I think the common language makes it that much easier to relate to, which is a strength all its own. I am glad to see you writing again as well. :)

Posted 16 Years Ago


5 of 6 people found this review constructive.

I too, read your tags, and anticipated a poem about epilepsy. But somehow, I'm thinking this is about so much MORE than that.

Your sun will shine again. It always does. Sometimes it's just hard to see it.

Hugs...
Jeri

Posted 16 Years Ago


6 of 6 people found this review constructive.

thats gotta burn...but many things do. well done..you stand out among the crowd, just dont stay swallowed up inside...peace man.

Posted 16 Years Ago


6 of 7 people found this review constructive.

succintly said

Posted 16 Years Ago


6 of 7 people found this review constructive.

This is brilliant, touching, artistic and kind of pretty. A great write my friend, thank you for sharing. Mx

Posted 16 Years Ago


6 of 7 people found this review constructive.

funny how we only miss it when its gone haha...

Posted 16 Years Ago


6 of 7 people found this review constructive.

*hastosayit* Commas as the ellipsis...

Sorry! I know I bug you about that a lot. >.<

Otherwise, I like that it's so short but still packs a lot in.

Like everyone else, I especially loved the first few lines. =]

Posted 16 Years Ago


7 of 7 people found this review constructive.


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Added on March 4, 2008

Author

H. A. M.
H. A. M.

St.Louis, MO



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"I hope you live to be one hundred years old and me a hundred minus a day so I won't know good people like you passed away." DJ Phylosophy. Hey YOU! Sorry for the absence. I'm having conection pro.. more..

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