The Harm

The Harm

A Poem by Reeling and Writhing
"

I get told so often that I'm stupid for not believing that I'm worth it. I feel it should be explained why I think so.

"

It started one day when I felt like heaven.

For just a bit, I felt like everyone loved me; nothing could go wrong,

I was the king of the world,

And it would all last forever.

 

But it was a lie;

A dangerous lie that hurt so much when broken

That it couldn’t be believed again.

So I brought myself back down.

 

I put up a wall to keep myself there.

But the world is growing under it

And it gets harder and harder to keep it there,

So the wall needs to be taller.

 

And soon, anything, no matter how infinitesimal

That threatens the structure only builds it up.

And “you’re beautiful”, “you’re loved”, “you’re worth it”;

Just melts away when it touches the cement.

 

But they keep coming;

Firing at my dungeon like cannonballs,

Threatening to thrust me out into the world

Where I don’t know where I am or how to get back.

 

“I’m not beautiful” turns into “I’m a monster”;

“I’m not worth it” turns into “I’m a waste of life”.

One day, words aren’t enough,

And so it takes more.

 

It starts out as the lesser of two evils;

The pain is leagues better than accepting what I’m not.

The more it hurts,

The more I know that stopping will hurt more.

 

Finally, the wall has gotten so high

That I can’t see myself in it

And I’m nothing

But a shredded, bloody carcass.

 

 And by then,

What’s the point?

 

© 2017 Reeling and Writhing


Author's Note

Reeling and Writhing
Photo by Kierra Alexandra: @pxsitive._.thxughts
By Hien Van Nguyen III: @reeling_and_writhing

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Reviews

You portray this so well.
The ups and downs.
The downs and ups.
Nobody ever tells you to get out there and fail.
Yet we do it most of the time without thinking.
Mountain life climbing is a slow process. But worth the challenge.



Posted 3 Years Ago


Reeling and Writhing

3 Years Ago

Thank you so much!

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Added on December 23, 2017
Last Updated on December 24, 2017
Tags: Self harm, mental health, mental illness, anxiety, depression, self love, insecurity

Author

Reeling and Writhing
Reeling and Writhing

Calgary, Alberta, Canada



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Most anyone you come across on the street will be able to tell you at least a general synopsis of Lewis Carroll's 1860's children's story, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland". It's a cultural and liter.. more..

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