Chapter One

Chapter One


    Hi, I am Alexandra but just call me Alex, I am a twenty-four years old and I am a survivor to survive the acidic virus that almost drove the human race to extinction. The year is 2102 and I am currently in Santa Rosa, California.
    About two months ago, this planet was teaming with human life. Now, there isn’t a trace of their existence, except the cities/towns/etc that they left behind. What happened to them, you ask. Well, about a year ago in some lab in New York City, two scientists accidentally combined the strongest acid known to man and the flu virus, and before long the most deadliest hybrid virus ever started spreading everywhere. Thanks to the populated streets of New York the hybrid virus spread rapidly killing everyone “normal” it came in contact within about 10 minutes. It eventually spread all over the nation and then the whole world in about a three weeks time.  In less than 10 minutes, the entire body was dissolved leaving nothing behind. Buildings became vacant and empty, while whole cities turned to ghost towns.
    How did I survive? Well, I have a condition called  leptophilioma or better known as “the superhero disease”.  It causes the human to have a super immune system, so every virus passed harmlessly through that persons system.  I was seen as an outcast for most of my life. Unfortunately, the condition I have is very rare; like one in every billion rare. So not much was known about my condition. When the virus struck, I was the only one standing. Well I was until I met Tristan. I actually walked into him after the virus struck my town. I was walking down the street looking at the damage, when I saw this guy just roaming the streets looking at the damage. His name was Tristan and he lived in Petaluma, California. He told me that he had walked up the highway to see if he could find anyone left alive. After talking to him for awhile we decided that we would go cross-country on a hunt to find more like us. Our goal is to travel across the USA to New York and major cities along the way so we can show the world how much they have changed over the past two months. This is the journal of our adventures and our discoveries as we travel cross-country. 

Author's Note

Ignore grammar problems! Comments and reviews are welcome! Revised version!

Reviews

[Riley]

Cool! Sounds interesting and I can't wait to read more. I like how it's not another zombie virus story. They start to get old.

[Ryan Zeller]

I'm a fan of post-apocalyptic stuff like The Road and the Fallout game series, so I definitely think you should continue on this concept.

Some ideas and things I wanted to point out:

1. Alex, as a narrator, sounds kind of melodramatic. She should sound terrified, or mentally unstable, or at least give her a tone of urgency. Think of how a real person would write during a real apocalypse.
2. You unload a LOT of information in a very short chapter. This may work better as a prologue, or, better yet, don't give us all this info all at once! Part of the beauty of a long story is that you can stretch out your ideas and reveal things slowly. Add some drama, tension, and mystery by revealing plot details (the cause of the apocalypse, Alex's leptophilioma) over the course of the story rather than in a single chapter.
3. Think of some major themes and messages you want to send. Post-apocalyptic settings can be fantastic for adding meaning to your story. They are sparse, depressing, and brutal: that leaves a lot of open room for meaningful dialogue and dark plot points. Decide on a theme (or two, or three) and discuss that theme through the characters and events.

[Kent Smotherman]

I really like your concept with this book. Very interesting, and I look forward to seeing more of this completed. Here are my critiques, and of course I am but a single reader so that them as you will:

You end this chapter revealing that this is a journal, but I think you should lead with that if you want to retain the first person narrative. I was really confused until I reached the end as to why it was written as first person, so I think that would be better for the reader.

Otherwise, your writing style is very natural. There are a few roughly worded parts, but since this is a journal it really can't be edited. :)