the emotionally trying experience of cleaning my room

the emotionally trying experience of cleaning my room

A Story by Hannah Paige
"

after two days of intensive room-cleaning, I was left feeling mysteriously raw and disturbed

"
7/17/15

Last night I dreamt that my teeth were falling out. It's a pretty common dream, I guess, but I'd never had it before. Apparently it's thought to stem from a life transition or stressful decision, and specifically dissatisfaction with the way one's self is handling said trigger situations.

I woke up this morning in a state of deeply unsettling confusion, mixed with something like horror. It took me a while to remember the dream, and even longer before its freudian implications dawned on me. I'd been up until 3am the night before, sifting through a decade's worth of my own art projects, awards, and other memorabilia. The process had drained my energy and my spirits, and I'd gone to bed in a bleak, vaguely disillusioned state. At 3am I could not have placed the depressive feelings, but my subconscious would go on to battle them through the night.

Now, roughly 18 hours later, I still cannot definitively place this unnerving feeling that's accompanied the process of purging my room of old possessions, but I think it has something to do with the act of renouncing things that I once valued so highly. Yes, it's transitional anxiety, and yes, it's stressful decision making and yes, I certainly feel that a sense of dissatisfaction (or lack of closure) accompanies this, but beyond all of that, I think I've discovered in myself a certain disillusionment with the consequence of material objects. I started this process saying "I'm tired of owning things," with a defiant, almost proud optimism. But through the grueling, draining effort of rediscovering, remembering, evaluating, I've come to champion the new, vaguely dissatisfying but I think truer mantra, "I'm tired of things."

© 2015 Hannah Paige


Advertise Here
Want to advertise here? Get started for as little as $5

Author's Note

Hannah Paige
This was a journal entry that I found particularly puzzling. Not the most eloquently formed prose, but I think still an interesting account of how a mundane chore inadvertently led to self discovery.

My Review

Would you like to review this Story?
Login | Register




Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

140 Views
Added on July 19, 2015
Last Updated on July 19, 2015

Author

Hannah Paige
Hannah Paige

PA



About
I'm in film school at NYU. I like to write and make movies. I took some good music and put it here: http://8tracks.com/hannah-paige more..

Writing
Oregon Oregon

A Poem by Hannah Paige


Leo Stansky Leo Stansky

A Chapter by Hannah Paige