My no longer soldier

Confusion is really the only thing that comes to mind.
Now that you're gone.
Off doing bigger and better things.
I get your letters.
I've saved every
single
one.

I know I should be happy,
and I am still very proud.
Every time I see those letters
I let out a devilish sound.

I am heartbroken every time you write 'I love you'
I am breaking down at the sight of your words.
You are everything that I ever wanted you to be.

But you are no longer mine.

I sailed that ship before I thought.
I sailed away before even my own eyes.
I ruined every thing that we once were,
and I was convinced it was for the best.

I wrote you a letter the day after you left,
and that night I cried.
I missed you before I even let you go,
but I never sent it out.

Today was the day for us.
The day I made sure you knew.
I dropped the letter off today,
and it's on it's way to you.

I know you will probably hate me
as soon as you see those words.
But there is no taking it back now.

I haven't cried over you since that night.
I am feeling rather numb.
I guess it hasn't hit me yet.
But it will....