It makes me think

It makes me think
It makes me drink
S**t can change so much in a blink
Even when you're not ready
Like I'm not for you to leave me
Even when you least expect it
And it will always be bullshit
When life throws it's hardest hit
And you can't dodge it.
I always tried to stay away
Be unattached despite what people would say
I'd ignore their feelings, and their ways
To try and sustain my attention. 
Yet you had a hold that I couldn't escape
But it's turned me into someone new
I've taken a different shape
It's like my eyes have been replaced
And I don't really recognize this face
But everything seems new
Even though I feel so blue
I'm trying to live like you wish you could
Like you would.
I don't want to go to waste
But life moves at such a fast pace
I can't seem to keep up
I'm stumbling,
Mumbling 
With liquored lips
Baby sips just baby sips
I try to fight it off then take it all in,
But death always wins
What's the possibility
You could survive this, be around for me
What's the possibility,
I'm scared to know what it'd be.
And I don't know if it's just hard for me to see
This life ever being more than what's washed up on shore
Shaking me to the core
What happens when you walk out that door?
These things I refuse to say,
I know will leave me angry and pissed until next May
But I can't form the words the right way
And I can't figure out if it'd be okay
To share such truths to someone who has no choice.
I know it's not easy
And it's not all about me
I feel so selfish to even think
How I'll feel when you're gone 
But I know my heart will drop
And I'll cry for so long
I can't stand the idea of you alone
And just me on the other side of your phone
It's not right, it's not fair
But I promise I care,
I promise, I f*****g care.
I feel like this whole thing was just a dare
And I never back down, despite the pain I can bare
I want to be here till the end
cause I know he'll be here to mend
All my broken pieces.
You opened my eyes to an old me
A person I lost sight of couldn't see
I hope it shapes me into a better person
Someone I strive to be
You tore me down to show me the truth
The real life behind my youth
I can be someone, better than my past 
But I wanted our friendship to last
Yet life is so open and vast
I've always said people were temporary
Because they always left me,
But I know in my heart, I know that you wouldn't, if you could choose.
As you slowly lose,
I keep choosing booze.
I'll keep my promises I will
But this battles turned uphill
And my spine hurts from a never ending chill
And I'm scared to ask, scared to know.
I want to put myself in your shoes
And I wish I knew
What runs through your head
When you think what happens after
After the door closes.
I know I'm rambling, 
And you probably can't understand a thing
But my mind is racing
And you told me to run
But I won't. Not till you're done.
I can't turn my back,
The self control I lack
To let go,
And I realize this, I know,
You're scared,
and I want you to share
I want to know you,
Who you are, 
Before you began this war
I can't help but see someone else in your smile,
I can't help but see Vince.
There's no punisher, no joker.
No, not ever since
You showed a new side to me.
And I know you try to hide him,
Because life's looking dim, looking grim,
But damn it, you can't go out that way.
And it might not matter what I have to say
But I can't stand the thought you'd leave sad.
This will truly drive me mad,
That I can't help more than be on the other side of this phone
While you battle and fight this out alone
And I know what you're asking for,
I know you want it before you walk out the door
But damn it I want to do it for you
And I'm caught between what I should do
And what I want to do
I'm falling for him
Slowly but surly I am
I never wanted this. 
I never wanted any of it
But you showed me I needed it
after it all, it was time love took a hit
The right way
No cheap bunts
And I'm glad I finally heard what you had to say
And I'll forever be grateful 
For changing my life from so dull
To having a whole new light.
i know you're tired,
And you're trying to fight 
I know it hurt