My knuckles

My knuckles

A Poem by Samantha Taylor

And my knuckles have bled since my first fight

Kindergarten and oh so young, I was so bright.

But a small flame began to light

And since that horrid cold night

Not a day goes by I don’t fight.

Yeah my knuckles have bled since I was shorter than 4'5 

And when I was taller than 5'3 I began using a knife

I forgot the little badass living inside me
 something I lost sight of, something I couldnt see

The warrior inside of me.

And I couldn’t figure out who I was supposed to be,
6 months ago I turned 17

Something I dreamed of when I spent my nights awake

And everyday my smile was fake.
I hid cuts and scars under sleeves,

Because i didn’t know my daddy loved me.

Because I didnt know my friends were really there

i didnt think, anyone sincerely cared

And I learned the hard way that life’s not fair,

No, no one warned me of its troubles

And now im buried under life’s ruble. 

Beginning to see double 

Until I looked up, and saw the moon

He whispered to me, “Darling It’s too soon for you” 

And I breathed again.

Now i’ve fought and lost,

Against woman and men.

Yeah I’ve fought and won,

And these things had to be done

Sometimes I feel the flame engulf me

And my entire soul,

Filling an empty hole,
I’d say f**k it, and smoke a bowl.

Days come and go

Some worse some slow.

I struggle to take ragged breaths,

And screamed when i heard my best friend had done meth.

Out off all the s**t in the world

And i’m more scared to be your girl.

Through hell and back, multiple times

Has me sitting here spitting pointless rhymes.

And my phone is bugging out, so many n****s looking for dimes,

As my best friend does lines.
I should of known I’d end up here

Sitting on the porch drinking a beer

And I can’t remember the last time I felt fear

Because what is there to be scared of when you’ve conquered the biggest one.

Nothing, nothing to fear, and life should be fun.

Don’t get me wrong,

I laugh and sing to lonely songs

And hit pretty pretty bongs

But I cant help but wonder how long
Is this feeling going to last

Time goes by so fast.

He looked at me and smiled with blood shot eyes
“You’re mind…” He tries

Shaking his head,
I smiled and say “go to bed”

But you can’t because you’re on too much

And we both don’t have good luck

But isnt the luckiest thing that we found each other?

Despite him, despite her.

You found me, and I found you.

And now its like we don’t know what to do,

But you tap my wrist,

And I clench my fist

“Day by Day” my grandmother words

Lets take life the way it should,
The way she would,
If she ever got the chance,

To live again.

Theres a little badass in me,

That I couldn’t see

For years on end.

Theres a warrior fighting inside me

And it needs to be seen

To feel real.

Listen to me speal

About myself Like im conceded 

But I swear its not all in my head

And im not all about me
 s**t other people see

And point out, who I’m going to be

I notice the warrior inside me

I feel her strength

The urgency to win, to survive”

© 2017 Samantha Taylor


Author's Note

Samantha Taylor
Spelling could be way off, i was really high when i wrote this.

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Added on September 20, 2017
Last Updated on September 20, 2017
Tags: poem, regret, pain

Author

Samantha Taylor
Samantha Taylor

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About
I'm 21, Married and am a step mother to 3 kids and have one of my own. I've been writing for as long as I remember and love feedback, good or bad. more..

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