I Have No Idea

I really just wanted to write, and this is what came out.

To whom it may concern:

Have you ever had those days where you contemplate all of life and your existence within it? You think about what you are doing with your life and how there is no development in it. You see others moving on with their lives and you wonder why you can’t do the same. Why are you stuck? What is holding you back? That is exactly what I am trying to figure out.

I had a pretty rough childhood with way more downs than ups, but I got through it. I got my s**t together in my later years of high school and started to apply for colleges,. I got accepted at the art school that I really wanted to go to, but I couldn’t afford it. Was that just an excuse? I could have taken loans, but I hate the idea of debt. Is that just an excuse? I didn’t go to that college, instead I went to a community college.

I went to the community college for a year and decided that art wasn’t for me. Was it? I decided just to take general ed for awhile. I went for half a semester more and I just stopped going. I found no joy in what I was doing. I found no joy in the life I was living. I started looking for a job.

I applied to many places and even went to placement pros. I got only one interview and I didn’t get the job. I am too inexperienced, volunteer work isn’t enough. I’m still trying, but I am having no luck. Am I?

I post videos on youtube with a friend. It is a passion we share. Isn’t it? We are new, but we are keeping to our schedule. We try to be entertaining and interact with any audience we get. We even promote ourselves. Right? We are patient and know success doesn’t come easy. Do we?

I have a new interest. Lipstick. I have done tons of research on it. I have found good recipes and plan to make some of my own. I will find my perfect colors and eventually share them with the world. I have most of the ingredients, just one more to go. I am genuinely excited about this. I can make it work for me. There are no second guessing on this idea and I hope there never is.

All these questions with what I was/am trying to do came from the negativity and doubt I had fueled by comments made by friends, family, and, worst of all, myself.

So, what is really holding me back?  

Author's Note

I am not yet sure why I wrote this, just felt like posting it.

Reviews

[Aehr]

What matters more than anything in the world is that you are still trying, and I love that attitude. Everyone finds themselves down in the dumps, but trying again is the hard thing to do, and that's what you're doing. Please don't give up. Whatever it is that is holding you back - I hope you find it, seize it, and finish it right there and then because you deserve to blossom and live a life you love. I wish you happiness and success. :)

[Angelina Rodriguez]

Thank you so much!