Chapter 8: The Diamond in the Rough

Chapter 8: The Diamond in the Rough

A Chapter by Sairek Ceareste
"

He knew he was unconscious, but rather than the darkness he expected, everything was white. And it depressed him to his core. She always loved wearing white...

"

 

 

 

It was odd when you realized you were suddenly conscious again. It was also odd when you have realized you have also slept for a very, very long time, even without opening your eyes to get a sense of how much time had actually passed. These feelings were no exception to Sairek right now because his body felt far more relaxed than he last remembered he had felt. Such things that were absent from what he remembered feeling last: Pain, fatigue, aching and more pain...

It felt like he had been hugging his father and that the next couple of seconds were black right after that. Now, here he was; as if he had just woken up from a dream. But he knew it hadn’t been a dream. He knew he was in his room, at the castle; he could remember what his bed felt like. The sun hadn’t risen yet, but dawn was coming. Sairek knew he had slept for the rest of the previous day, and all of night; he knew how much he had needed the sleep, but he had no other choice but to leave the castle. At least all had ended for the best… well he hoped that was the case anyways… His father was quite quick to change minds. He had had an entire day to do so.

 

Sairek finally decided to open his emerald eyes and rubbed them with the knuckles of his index fingers. Finally pushing himself up, he winced a little at the pain that arose from his side. His body was still a bit sore from the beating he took last night… He still couldn’t half believe his father issued an order like that, though. He wondered what it would have been like to still have been stabbed by the rapier. He also concluded it was best to not think about it. There was the possibility that it was simply conjured up with magic and had it stabbed him, it would feel like he had been stabbed; but in reality it was just a stimulation of pain sent to the brain, where his body would have felt no harm. The sores on his body right now though were real enough for him to wince from even the smallest movements. He felt inclined to not to, even though he was alone in his room. Acting like a Prince had been programmed into him to show no emotion, even if it was pain.

 

Despite the painful sores he still felt, he pushed himself out of the bed. He had been dressed in his silky white pajamas and was sure Laure did that herself so she could wash his normal attire that was probably ruined from the events of the last two days. He wandered over towards his closet and smiled where he did indeed see his formal clothes all neat and cleaned up, hanging along with other articles of clothing. It probably wouldn’t stay clean for the long journey ahead though. He wondered if Laure knew what he was doing, if Father told her. Or perhaps she had already figured out herself what he had done. No doubt his escape from the castle was already news to everyone inside, including her.

 

Sairek began dressing himself, which the entire process took over ten minutes. But once he was finally outfitted, he looked around for his staff. He didn’t see it in his room, but was successful in finding it when he wandered over to his bed and looked under, seeing it was placed beneath it. He reached over, grabbing it, and walked with it as if it was a walking stick out of his room door -- he sort of needed it to even walk at a decent pace.

 

Heading towards his father’s own chamber. The castle felt different somehow. It felt more abandoned, but there was another feeling Sairek couldn’t describe in his head. Like a sense of small foreboding. Perhaps, from experience, he was feeling his father had changed his mind. He didn't want to think that way, but he didn't have much faith in his fathers' ability to stay set on one decision at times.

 

His fathers' chamber was behind where the throne room was located, off to the left side of the chair. Sairek was greeted by guards who opened the door to the throne room for him without addressing him in any other way. Sairek walked on through, not surprised to see that his father was not sitting on the throne. Sairek walked past it, where a door was off to the side. Sairek opened the door and closed it behind him by pushing it closed it with the bottom end of his staff. It hurt too much to twist his body around to close it. He walked forwards in a very short hallway leading to where his fathers' actual room was. Sairek lift the staff and tapped the door with the head of it a couple times, knocking with it. The staff against the door produced a different sound against the door had it been any other person knocking in the castle. This always let his father know without even opening the door that it was his son requesting his presence.

 

Considering how early it was in the morning, Sairek had to admit he was quite surprised that the door opened a couple of seconds later, with his father standing there. He motioned him on in. Sariek stepped in as addressed. His father closed the door behind him. Sairek felt the nobility they were in be sealed off behind him. Behind these closed doors, the two talked to each other like normal people. No guards to look formal around. Nobody they had to look pleasant to, they didn’t have to talk as if they owned two rather important titles, although his father did anyways, Sairek opted not to. Sairek always liked staying in this room because of that. It was within the castle but it was the only place in the castle that helped him feel closer to that of a normal child, despite the fact he felt his Father ruled him with an iron fisted policy. Sairek kept his room rather 'normal' looking as possible, instead of filling it up with decorations and rich furniture like his Father did however. But then again, his Father was the King. His father probably did not shun his title away, nor did any other King, or probably any other Prince for that matter. Sairek simply just didn't care about the riches with how much responsibility it brought.

 

Sairek wanted to visit his father because he wanted to discuss plans for him to travel to Yggdrasil. He also wanted to hear his father’s ideas, because his father clearly knew more about the kingdom than Sairek would know for a while. What would be the fastest route, what was the most efficient and what was the safest? Sairek didn’t know much of the area outside of the town. All he knew was some very quick studying of some maps that he honestly did not take much interest in. It was ironic that he took severe interest in the functions of the world, yet didn't care at all what it looked like.

 

The problem, was trying to pry the information off of his father. Convincing him to let him go.

 

“Alright, since time is of the essence, let us cut straight to the chase.” Sairek said, as he laid his staff gently on one of the tables in his fathers' room. He leaned back against a wall that would allow him to face the King. He crossed his arms over his torso; something Sairek rarely did in his formal clothes unless he was going to do a lot of thinking. “There are a lot of things I need information about... but I don't know anything about at all. But the most important one to know is... if something is wrong with Yggdrasil, how are we going to be able to treat it?”

 

Sairek’s father stared hard at the boy. The child stared back at his father. Rather than fighting back with a tense look, Sairek opted to show a softer one, like he didn't know why his father was staring at him like that. It was an innocent look that was to avoid a confrontation that Sairek really didn't want to do. Despite what his father had said to him before he had passed out, he knew how much his father was against him leaving like this. The King also knew that Sairek would stop at nothing to escape the castle otherwise.

 

The innocent look didn't seem to fool his father who finally gave a gruff sigh and Sairek frowned a bit. Despite the quarrels they always seemed to have, Sairek despised every second of them. He hated hurting his father like this. Winning a dispute of any sort was nothing more than bitter.

 

“…There is no way to know Sairek, without seeing the tree.” He mumbled quietly under his breath, before adding “…if the tree is even in its current status as your friend says it is…”

 

The young apprentice closed his eyes. “It is safer to check on the tree then to assume that it’s perfectly fine...” One emerald eye of Sairek’s slid open to look at his father. “…Is it not?” He asked to clarify if his father was indeed listening closely to him.

 

His father let out a grunt. “And why Sairek, can’t my men handle this situation by themselves?” He questioned. "Or rather, any other country that has a cave heading down to Yggdrasil?"

 

“Why? Alright, I will list my reasons for me to go." Sairek stated calmly as he uncrossed his arms and took a few steps slowly around the room as he spoke.

 

"First reason: We do not have time to hear a report of how the tree is doing if it isn’t doing well. We can’t have men make a journey there, come back and report and then set out again. That'll take too long. Of our current situation without even knowing how much time we may have left, that could be fatal to everyone.

 

Second reason: Our Kingdom is the most efficient in magic than the other three Kingdoms. If the tree is sick, it will require magic to cure it.

 

"Third reason: I believe its in the worlds' best interest to keep the investigation subtle, and so the manner of doing so should be subtle. If something is wrong with Yggdrasil then I certainly don't want the news of it leaking out..."

 

Sairek sighed, as he stopped by a wall to lean against it again as he continued speaking.

 

"…Fourth reason: If the problem is caused by someone, which is the only way I can honestly see how the tree could get sick… a group of our soldiers, it may force the culprit, or culprits to go and hide. With one or two people, that will not be the case.”

 

“They wouldn’t go in hiding Sairek, because you are not a threat!” His father barked angrily.If it is indeed someone then what can you do to stop them, Sairek?! In fact, how do you even plan to get there by yourself?”

 

Sairek stared with his emerald into his fathers' deep ocean blue ones for a moment. “I won’t be alone. That girl, Nayleen, she is going to guide me. She lives near a cave that leads directly to the tree.” The child answered.

 

“She is nothing but a peasant child Sairek. She could just be playing a prank on you… on all of us. How can you believe a random child like her so easily?"

 

"I trust her in the fact she saved me when I took that leap of faith outside the castle walls, father." Sairek retorted in a dry tone. "You know she isn't around the local area; you know pretty much anyone around here and there is no way she came here with another adult pulling some kind of prank; her parents would have showed up by now at the castle asking us to look for her most likely if she was just "visiting". She has to be from somewhere a good ways away."

 

Sairek pushed himself off the wall now, as he picked up his staff and held it formally, but his head fell away from his father to the ground as he gritted his teeth. His hands beginning to shake and it was visible with the hand holding the staff, for it shook with his hand movements.

 

“Is the decision that I am deciding on stupid? I don’t know. I won’t know until I try. All I know is that I want to go. I want to go more than anything I've wanted to do before. My fifth reason: Let me at least once before I become King to let me see the world I am supposed to rule a portion of one day for the rest of my life, and give me a chance myself to let me see what may have killed my mother!”

 

Sairek rose his head from looking at the ground to stare at his father. “…What am I to you?”

 

“What are you to me?” The King repeated heatedly, his face flushed red with the way his son was acting. “You are everything to me, Sairek. Everything. Do you not understand that you are worth more to me than this kingdom?”

 

“Yes, I do understand…” Sairek commented before continuing. “…However, to me, I seem to be nothing more than a pet bird.”

 

“What! Don’t speak such trivial nonsense, Sairek!” His father snapped

 

Sairek shook his head, closing his eyes as he spoke softly and quietly to the king. “Father, you can keep a bird safe from harm by locking it in a cage. However, doing so is at the cost of its freedom…” Sairek repeated from what he had said two days ago. "It will never learn how to fly, it will never learn joy, it will never learn to live. It will just exist, meaningless. And when that fateful time comes for it to spread its wings; it will be unable to; because it was denied the chance to have a life to learn what it is required to do to fly.

With, or without your consent father; I am leaving this castle by noon at the latest. I have decided. You cannot and will not change my mind. Please, don't make me have to do a repeat of what I had done.”

 

Sairek watched his father turn his back to him. The child let out a silent sigh. He had hoped for his co-operation a lot more. Anything to help him… but it would seem his father was still reluctant to help him in any way that he hoped. Sairek began walking out the door of his fathers' room quietly.

 




 

* * * * * * * * * *

 



 

 

“So your old man won’t help us, huh?” Nayleen inquired to Sairek, as they both sat in his room. She was holding a bag of all sorts of different baked foods inside. Right now she was nibbling on a freshly baked cookie. She had never tasted one before and was delighted, saying it was so much better than eating a rabbit, or a moose. Sairek had scrunched up his face in thought. He had never eaten such things. The only thing he probably did eat was maybe a turkey a couple of times. But he was uncomfortable eating meat, albeit he did like the taste of it quite a bit, he still held onto the belief that any and all living things are equal. At the same time, he had to acknowledge the fact that living things preyed on other living things to survive.

 

He had a banquet of other sorts of food though. He did not need to eat a turkey to survive when he had more or less, everything else. It wasn't a matter of survival in the slightest.

 

Nayleen sat on Sairek’s study chair, as the boy himself was lying on his back on his royal bed, staring up at the ceiling as he listened to her and now spoke.

 

“...I don’t know." Sairek muttered after a short delay. "We can leave the castle just fine... I think and I'm sure he'll make sure we have all the supplies we can barely muster to carry, but that's about it. I suppose by now, it's too late to really give us anything else; I'm not sticking around here." The Prince sighed. He was quiet for a moment, before he continued again. "At least we won’t have to worry about search parties and stay away from towns. Being the Prince and all, I think people will help us where we need it. Still, I rather not have too many people know what is going on and see us around from town to town... A lot of questions will be raised by the country for this, villagers and criminals alike… We can’t make our traveling paths obvious for those who would bring us harm. Also eventually, according to where you’re from, we will be leaving my kingdoms' borders, and going into Kior... so after we pass that, we will be on our own as far as help goes. But at least it shouldn’t be too far away… The more concerning question is how long it will take for us to reach the end of the border to the tree. There won’t be any towns or civilizations to stop on the way in the caves… I'd rather not be seen outside of the borders here. Or even close to it, to be honest, or people may guess that I am leaving to go to Kior. That could spell a whole lot of trouble. Your king has been trespassing on other borders themselves, I don't want us to be accused of doing the same.”

 

Sairek blinked as he thought about over what he just said. "Actually, now that I think about it, I will be trespassing into Kior territory... so I really can't be spotted. It doesn't matter if I am a child, they could easily put me into prison... albeit I'd have more chance being the Prince to avoid it than being any other soldier... but that could easily put my father in a terrible position..."

 

“Well, not being spotted can be quite easy.” Nayleen spoke up and explained. “A person can actually survive off of the caves for a good while if they were stuck down there. In the caves, the water is fresh and clean, and there are plenty of little pools of it. Some fruits do grow down there too. I mean, it wouldn’t be comfortable between the two of us, but we should be able to manage even with low supplies to move our way through cave system and away from the open. I don't know much about the actual landscape of Kior or your Kingdom at all, but I know a lot of caves and their pathways around my house for many miles. As we get closer, it will be easier for us."

 

Sairek thought over what she said very carefully.“Even with all that… I am pretty sure there will be some sort of obstacles along the way.” Sairek said, as he rolled himself over on the bed from lying on his back, to now resting on his stomach. The red cape lazily half followed him, draping to the side of his body. Nayleen giggled a little at the sight before nibbling more on the cookie she was eating. She spoke with her mouth full.

 

“You got that righ--"

 

"...Please chew with your mouth full..." Sairek interrupted. And then added. "Also, your getting crumbs on my floor..."

 

Nayleen swallowed, then looked down seeing the crumbs around her feet she had just spilled, she quickly bent down, scooping them up before putting them in her mouth. Sairek scrunched up his face in disgust.

 

"Disgusting..." he muttered in displeasure.

 

"What? They're good! Also your floor is clean, right?"

 

"...That's.... not the point..." Sairek mumbled.

 

"Anyways, you got it right. It was hard getting over here y’know." Nayleen commented "Bandits and monsters are scattered here and there. We will be lucky to just have no encounters when we go to the next town Lam... Lam-something.” She mused as she shoved another cookie in her mouth, again dropping more crumbs on the floor. Sairek ignored it, for the sake of his own stomach.

 

“Lamen, huh?” Sairek thought out loud, but he mumbled it quietly. Although Nayleen still heard it. “…I’ve only been there once… really to be honest, it’s actually the farthest I have ever gone out of the castle. It was when I was only three, but I remember the trip quite well…” Sairek muttered, as he pushed himself off of his stomach, and now sat straight up on the bed, his hands were seated in his lap.

 

Nayleen blinked curiously. “Well, what was it for?” she asked.

 

Sairek gripped the giant jewel that held his blue hood above his cape together. “It was… to attend my mothers' funeral. Her grave site is there… I haven’t seen her grave since the day that she had been buried. I love my father… but the fact he doesn’t even let me go visit her grave disgusts me to no end, to be honest. It's probably the worst thing he could be doing to me, I think.”

 

Nayleen had swallowed on the cookie and put down the next one that was in queue down as she listened to him.

 

“…Your mother was Queen Melina, right?” She asked.

 

Sairek wasn’t surprised she knew. She had been Queen after all for a good eight years before she had fallen ill. And then finally three years later the illness took her. She ruled with his father for eleven years, the world had more than plenty of time to know. “Yeah, that's her.” Sairek confirmed.

 

“You know, I saw her the day when she got sick… It was the same day her and your father visited the tree; that was when she began getting sick.” Nayleen quietly said.

 

Sairek bolted up from his bed, staring at Nayleen. “What!?” He yelled out. Although he yelled, it was not directed to her… It just took him completely by surprise. “She visited the tree, and she got sick after she returned…?” Sairek repeated. He wanted clarification. Nayleen only nodded slowly; wondering if she should have ever mentioned it. "But that was during the centurial ceremony, then!" Sairek said through gritted teeth. "I always thought the tree may have had something to cure the disease... but instead it may have held a part in making her sick!?" He grunted angrily, before easing back into a sigh. "...Well, at least that means I probably don't have the disease... I admit I've been worried that I had it, just the symptoms were not showing yet, but could show possibly even several years later..."

 

“It could have been complete coincidence, you know, something in the caves maybe?" Nayleen suggested." I’m not sure. Either way, your parents did visit the tree. Maybe because of what happened to your mother is why your father is so reluctant for you to go. To be honest, Sairek… I have to say I don’t blame him…” Nayleen said quietly, before adding more. “…but, at the same time. I disagree. You want to know what happened to your mother. It was a strange illness. Just slowly, she died more and more--“

 

“Stop it, please...” Sairek warned her. He didn’t want to hear how his mother slowly died in specific detail. "I am more than well aware the pain she suffered as she died..."

 

“S-Sorry…” Nayleen apologized. She took in a deep breath, going to the next step of what she was originally going to say. “The illness showed light signs, but it was nothing major. But it got worse after you were born, right?” Nayleen asked him. Sairek slowly nodded, his gaze then fell away from looking at her as he stared out one of his bedroom windows.

 

“…That’s... what I heard, from father anyways." Sairek muttered, before giving out a sigh and closing his eyes, thinking back. "I... even remember some moments, even though I was nothing more then a baby, or even a toddler, I still remember some memories with my mother when I was that young clearly... So clear, as if they were memories from just yesterday. The closer to her death day, the more ill she eventually became. No doctors could figure out what was wrong; her body checked out fine, at least from what they could tell. It was as if she was becoming a young woman and dying as an old woman in just the span of around 3 years. She may have lived longer, but maybe the birth of me took a lot of strength out of her... But if it was a disease that could spread, then I should have been born in the state of a stillborn.... Certainly, it wasn't that; so it makes no sense to me how such a disease could have infected her if I hadn't contracted it while I was inside of her body..."

 

“So… It was like the insides of her body just accelerated in aging?” Nayleen asked in a careful tone, not knowing if she was once again treading on forbidden ground.

 

“I’m not too sure. But I suppose you could look at it like that. The inside of her body just… died out… died of ‘natural’ causes…”

 

Sairek sighed. He seated himself back down onto the bed. He opened his eyes slightly as he looked at Nayleen. He looked almost exhausted, remembering such memories of her, even though he shouldn’t have any recollection of her at all at such a young age. Perhaps, it was like some sign of sympathy, from someone, or something, letting him have such memories in the first place; yet those memories only made him yearn for his lost mother even more. He had memories of her, but no memories of her in his conscious life; yet he felt such emptiness of her gone... it was a very haunting feeling.

 

“She was such a sweet woman…” Sairek said softly. “It was only after she died that father and I begun to slowly pull apart… We love each other, but it seems… altered somehow… incomplete, perhaps. Just a mere shell of what it used to be like.”

 

"I'm sure she wouldn't have been your mother and wedded to your father otherwise, Sairek." Nayleen pointed out.

 

“…Seen her before… so you house must be right next to Yggdrasil to pass by it then, huh... but how did you see her personally?"

 

Nayleen’s face flushed a little. “Sairek. I’m nearly 11! To get to the tree, your parents had passed by my house because we're the closest entrance. It was like watching a parade, almost right outside our house. We're literally retracing the steps."

 

Sairek’s face flushed a bit more. “Nearly 11? Oh… I thought you were… my age..."

 

Nayleen’s eyes glared at the younger boy. Sairek winced apologetically. She let out a “Hmph…” before speaking in an annoyed tone. "Yes, I saw her; I don't -remember- seeing her; I was born before the century-year; just. I don't have conscious memories of being a baby like you do; but I still technically saw her as a baby, well, toddler I guess really. I have only very little conscious memory of when she was actually still alive.

 

Sairek sighed He glanced towards his bedroom window, and then looked back at Nayleen. “Well… It’s more or less time to go, I guess.” It wasn't really, but he didn't really feel like talking more about the subject. He didn't want to burden himself with this heart-ache while they were leaving.

 

Nayleen stood up, holding the bag, and shoved the rest of the cookie in her mouth. Once again, she talked with her mouth being full. “You’re not having second thoughts, are ya?” She would have asked. The question was somewhat muffled though with the food in her mouth.

 

Sairek thought for a moment, and then shook his head. “No, no second thoughts. I want to learn more about the world… I want to experience it. I want to be free from this cage, at least for a good long while… I want to help the tree… and lastly… I want to know what truly killed my mother... even if it was Yggdrasil...” he muttered the last bit in a bitter tone. "I need to do this to finally put some ease on my conscious..."

 

“Well, usually it’s the guy protecting the girl... but I suppose I can be the guard for a Prince.” Nayleen boasted. Sairek couldn’t help but smile a little bit.

 

“Hmm, you never know. I already had to save you once.” Sairek boasted back.

 

“And I saved your hide back only minutes later when you did. So don’t begin thinking I’m useless. Not only that, I also saved you by getting out of the castle, not only to get you out but minutes later when you was crazy enough to jump off the cliff. So I’m way ahead of you, pal.”

 

Sairek chuckled a little bit, turning fully towards her. “By the way… Nayleen?”

 

“What is it now?” She asked.

 

“U-Um…” Sairek began, his head looking at his feet before looking up to her slowly. “…Thank you for… listening to me about my mother. It… It felt good… to finally talk to someone about it…”

 

Nayleen was taken by surprised at the sincere thanks. “Um… no problem Sairek… we all have problems we need to talk about sooner or later…” she muttered sheepishly.

 

She felt like a fool. She had spent a good couple of months, some at home, and some while on her way here, studying this boy in hopes that he could help her with the tree. But it was just like Sairek had said to her on the beach… She truly didn't know him at all; you couldn't learn about a person just by reading about them.



 



© 2013 Sairek Ceareste


Author's Note

Sairek Ceareste
Last updated on: March 11th, 2013

Changelog: Text should be fixed, as in no longer faded out in some areas.


Changelog [January 14th, 2013]:

- Lots and lots of editted text. The chapter is more or less the same from start to finished, but with much more refurbished text all around from start to finish

- This means there's been typo fixes, dialogue changes, etc.

- Putting this here as a physical note; I still can't fix the text where it looks faded in random places. The site just refuses to let me even trying various browsers. I'm going to have to find an alternative way to fix it.

Changelog: [January 12, 2012.]

This chapter was actually very very little editing. The only thing I really did was a few fixes.

In reality, while some changes were important, there we so few changes, it actually doesn't warrant a new version of this writing.

Changelog: Fixed an unintentional plot-hole when Sairek says he visited Yggdrasil by accident; it was supposed to be the Queen; not him. This has been fixed. (I.E. This was a very very serious typo)

- Some other smaller typos fixed.

- Father and Son argument modified slightly.

- Sairek's Mother backstory was modified slightly, taking out some unimportant bits that seemed to sway it slightly off topic at some point.

- Added a little bit more description in more paragraphs.

My Review

Would you like to review this Chapter?
Login | Register




Reviews

@Chris

As far as Sairek is concerned, having one more person would be 33% more supplies needed to sustain the group. As well, the more people, the slower they will move. This is Sairek's logic; but you will see that logic is not very good. This is intended.
That said; Sairek is stubborn. That will bite later and plenty of times. He wants to do things his way, and he doesn't much care what he has to do to get it done his way.

I don't know what you mean by this; if Sairek knew what killed his mother, then well, that would kill the entire point of the side plot of things, wouldn't it? For all Sairek know; it may not even have been an illness, but it -looked- like an illness so he is calling it as such. All he knows right now is that something that day made her get sick, and as he explained, she died due to the fact that the insides of her body rapidly aged compared to the outside of her body. I don't really know what else you would call that but an illness; and I'm making the story.

With all that said; Sairek doesn't study medicine. Nowhere in the story suggests that he does. The only actual "medicine" he knows of is Ethereal in it's liquid state having healing properties which is shown in chapter 1.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Good chapter. We get to learn about what happened to Sairek's mother. It's an interesting twist to the story. The conversation between Sairek and his father was good. It was believable for him to still be hesitant about sending Sairek out to complete the job, although part of me does think that he caved in too easily. Yes, Sairek threatened that he was going to leave anyway, but his father could easily have him reprimanded to make sure he doesn't leave. Also, why didn't he try to make Sairek take a guard/knight from the castle with him? Yes, one more person, but it would seem to make a lot more sense than sending him out alone with an almost random girl, especially given Sairek's lack of combat skill, and we have yet to see what Nayleen might be capable of as far as combat.

Anyways, few things:

Sairek lifted the staff, and tapped the door with the head of his staff a couple times, knocking with it. The staff against the door produced a different sound against the door.

First sentence: him tapping at the door would imply he's knocking with the staff, so you can omit "knocking with it." For the second sentence, get rid of/change one of the two "against the door"s.

Sairek wasn’t surprised she knew. She had been queen after all for a good eight years before she had fallen ill. And then finally three years later the illness took her.

I was thrown out of the story when I read "illness." It seems so vague for Sairek, given how intelligent he is. I guess it's because there isn't a term for her illness, but still, could you maybe somehow mention that he didn't know of a term for it? Just a thought.

Also, you changed POV a couple of times in the story. I didn't bother to copypasta them, but you should be able to find them when you go back to read through the chapter.

Posted 9 Years Ago



Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

430 Views
2 Reviews
Added on September 22, 2011
Last Updated on March 11, 2013
Tags: The, Ethereal, Elixer, Fantasy, Action, Adventure, Romance, Mystery, The Ethereal Elixer