I SEE YOU

I S E E Y O U 

Looking in to the pools of black you call eyes 

The secrets flood forth 

Like hot tar coating the eyes 

Of those around you 

Rumors surround your charming persona 

Clouding your soul 

And you bleed it every weekend 

Calmly you stand there with stubble 

Face full of sand paper and hair 

Dark from the lack of a shower 

Revealing the lack of time  

A rough weekend indeed 

But then days come 

Where the innocence of you is revealed 

And the vulnerability of ghosts past 

Wear heavily on your sleeve 

Eyes looking like they will soon rain with emotion and 

Flood those around you 

Paralyzing them with sorrow 

Wrinkles and circles encompass 

The once illuminated light 

That used to shine through Peeks of darkness 

But now hold in that light and bury It deep 

Within the recesses Of the open wounds that won't heal

Reviews

[Adreamer's Bluejay]

Looking in to the pools of black you call eyes
The secrets flood forth
Like hot tar coating the eyes
Of those around you

^ This is a fantastic introduction, I love how you keep bringing up the person's eyes and describe just how much more there is to them than you realize.

Rumors surround your charming persona
Clouding your soul
And you bleed it every weekend

^ This made me stop and think, I love this. My favorite stanza by far. Truly remarkable.

Calmly you stand there with stubble
Face full of sand paper and hair
Dark from the lack of a shower
Revealing the lack of time
A rough weekend indeed

^ This is great. It moves the story along and still describes as much as possible without giving away too much or taking out the universal feel of this piece.

But then days come
Where the innocence of you is revealed
And the vulnerability of ghosts past
Wear heavily on your sleeve

^ The descriptions in this stanza are really well done. They show your voice and really leave an impact.

Eyes looking like they will soon rain with emotion and
Flood those around you
Paralyzing them with sorrow

^ I love that you brought us back to the eyes and are now actually describing even more than I originally believed you would about this character.

Wrinkles and circles encompass
The once illuminated light
That used to shine through Peeks of darkness
But now hold in that light and bury It deep
Within the recesses Of the open wounds that won't heal

^PERFECT conclusion.
I absolutely love this write.

[Casey]

I love the fact that you pick apart my poems and take the time to really go through and point out things you like about it. It makes me feel more confident as a writer. Thank You!

[Shadows Ember]

Truly remarkable. Love the imagery here.

[Casey]

Thank you so much for your kind words fellow artist