My Circus World

My Circus World

A Poem by Hiroshi Masters

My Circus World

Sit back and watch me,
I take you into my world
You see fire circling around,
Lights and audience.

I take my last breath,
Surrounded by circus clowns
Men swallow swords,
All the audience cheered us.

Feel adrenaline in your veins
Take you to my magical world,
Don't close your eyes,
Feel within your heart.

I whipped a giant lion,
Holding a grip, when audience stare at me
Your Jaw will drop

We will leave you unforgettable moments
We will blow your mind
Intense awaits at your door.

My circus World.

© 2015 Hiroshi Masters


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Reviews

nice- This is a good poem. Do more of this.

Posted 3 Years Ago


I love circuses, so I love anything about them, too.
I like how you mentioned that a circus really is like another world.
One thing, there are some grammatical errors. "You will jaw-dropped" should be something along the lines of "your jaw will drop". You also jump tenses a lot. Make sure you stay either present or past tense.
Also, try to be more descriptive. "When I whipped a giant lion". It's a very cool profession, so make is sound like it.
"I crack the whip and the lion bares its teeth,
a roar ripping from its throat
Leaving the crowd cheering and amazed"
for example. Of course, you don't have to use it.

Overall, I like the voice of the poem!

Happy writing!

Posted 3 Years Ago


Hiroshi Masters

3 Years Ago

Yes thank you Im open to criticism. Thank you for taking time to read mine.

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162 Views
2 Reviews
Added on September 23, 2015
Last Updated on September 25, 2015
Tags: Circus, suspense, thriller, Joy, Expressive, powerful, fun, World, Crazy

Author

Hiroshi Masters
Hiroshi Masters

Bulacan, Philippines



About
I love writing and telling stories. Because you can express yourself and let people think about what you write and maybe inspired them. It's what I wanted to do, I started writing little Journals in m.. more..

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