He Hit Me Once, No, Not Like That

He hit me once. Well I wouldn't exactly say that. He hit me, but not in the way you would think. He hit me with his words. He ate right through every layer of skin I had built up throughout my childhood and bit me right in my feelings. Something I hadn't felt for many years. I don't remember feeling a single feeling from age 10 to 16. I mean I had the occasional anxious feeling, but the kids in school who don't really talk tend to feel that way, they spend most of their time inside their heads. Which is exactly what I did until he broke me inside. I began to feel again, mostly sadness and anger, but I also felt guilt. Guilty for anything mean I had ever done or said to someone, friends, family, anybody, because I know understood what it's like to be hurt with someones words and actions. Maybe I didn't have it as bad as some people, but the wake up call I got from him was something I could have gone with out. He didn't physically hit me but you can't see what he did inside my head. All the damage he caused on myself at such a young age. I have a hard time maintaining relationships with anybody. Do you know how hard it is to trust people now? His actions didn't cut me on the outside, but they tore through my heart. I am so insecure because of you. I am so scared my boyfriend will cheat on me, yet he is so much better than you in every way, more of a man than you could even hope to become. I just can't properly put into words what I have been living with for a very long time. Scars heal but you can still feel them. I may have pretended, and sometimes still pretend, that nothing you ever did to me changed me in anyway. But you and I both know that's a lie. You watched me change into somebody nobody could recognize. But you failed to realize it was from you. But now I'm finally free, I'm me. The real me who had been hiding for so many hears. Who had such a hard time feeling feelings. I am now so loving and caring and I love it. I am so in tune with myself. I am comfortable being my own friend. I am stronger. I take as much of life as I can with grace and beauty. I am so happy to wake up everyday,to be happy, something I never did with you. But thank you, for forcing me to change my ways. 

Reviews

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

You hit me with your words. Hard. The emotions you've captured here leave one with
no choice but to understand. This is powerful work with a heart that shines through.

[MeratheRestless]

Very deep and hard hitting.

[Morgan]

thank you so much, it is very appreciated

[Eshelle47]

Very good. I've had my share of bad relationships so I can relate. But thank goodness we come out stronger afterwards.

[Morgan]

thank you so much, you are so right.